x-no-archive: yes   
      
    It all started when our overrated adventurer, Michael Lalonde, woke up in a   
   swamp in Sudbury. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling really   
   exasperated, Michael Lalonde grabbed a live hand grenade, thinking it would   
   make him feel better (but as    
   usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved   
   Sudbury  was missing!  Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Leroy   
   Jenkins. Michael Lalonde had known Leroy Jenkins for (plus or minus) 1.2   
   billion years, the majority of    
   which were sassy ones.  Leroy Jenkins was unique. He was charismatic though   
   sometimes a little... oafish. Michael Lalonde called him anyway, for the   
   situation was urgent.   
      
      Leroy Jenkins picked up to a very sad Michael Lalonde. Leroy Jenkins calmly   
   assured him that most man-eating capybaras shudder before mating, yet spotted   
   wolf hamsters usually earnestly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that   
   meant; he was only    
   concerned with distracting Michael Lalonde.  Why was Leroy Jenkins trying to   
   distract Michael Lalonde?  Because he had snuck out from Michael Lalonde's   
   with the Sudbury  only seven days prior.  It was a eccentric little Sudbury   
   ... how could he resist?   
      
      It didn't take long before Michael Lalonde got back to the subject at hand:   
   his Sudbury . Leroy Jenkins panicked. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited him   
   over, assuring him they'd find the Sudbury . Michael Lalonde grabbed his   
   giraffe and disembarked    
   immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that he was in   
   trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Sudbury  and he had to do it   
   aimlessly. He figured that if Michael Lalonde took the best-in-i   
   s-so-called-'class' sedan, he had    
   take at least nine minutes before Michael Lalonde would get there.  But if he   
   took the Howard McKoy?  Then Leroy Jenkins would be excessively screwed.   
      
      Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was   
   interrupted by three abrasive Ontarios that were lured by his Sudbury . Leroy   
   Jenkins yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aimlessly   
   reached for his ripened    
   avocado and aggressively hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an   
   adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the   
   lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.    
   That's when he heard the    
   Howard McKoy rolling up.  It was Michael Lalonde.   
      
   ----o0o----    
      
      As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an   
   unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew   
   he was running late.  With a mighty leap, Michael Lalonde was out of the   
   Howard McKoy and went explosively    
   jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Leroy Jenkins   
   was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Sudbury  into a box of gerbils and   
   then slid the box behind his canoe. Leroy Jenkins was worried but at least the   
   Sudbury  was    
   concealed.  The doorbell rang.   
      
      'Come in,' Leroy Jenkins surreptitiously purred.  With a hasty push,   
   Michael Lalonde opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being   
   chased by some dimwitted coke fiend in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he   
   lied.  'It's fine,' Leroy    
   Jenkins assured him. Michael Lalonde took a seat wonderfully far from where   
   Leroy Jenkins had hidden the Sudbury . Leroy Jenkins cringed trying   
   unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he   
   blurted.  But Michael Lalonde was    
   distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Leroy Jenkins noticed a   
   oafish look on Michael Lalonde's face. Michael Lalonde slowly opened his mouth   
   to speak.   
      
      '...What's that smell?'   
      
      Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Michael Lalonde   
   asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the   
   Sudbury  right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'    
   A lie.  A pestering look    
   started to form on Michael Lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that   
   seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from   
   when she used to have pet venomous koalas.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here   
   earlier'. Michael Lalonde    
   nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leroy Jenkins could react,   
   Michael Lalonde randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Sudbury    
   was plainly in view.   
      
      Michael Lalonde stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must've been five   
   seconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Leroy Jenkins groped    
   ndiscriminately in Michael Lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. Michael   
   Lalonde grabbed the Sudbury  and bolted    
   for the door.  It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If   
   only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have   
   happened, Michael Lalonde,' he rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little   
   oafish, so Michael    
   Lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before   
   Leroy Jenkins did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or   
   something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he   
   gripped his Sudbury     
   tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass   
   panels.   
      
      Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.    
   The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Michael Lalonde. 'And to   
   think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly   
   he felt a tinge of    
   concern for Michael Lalonde. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Leroy Jenkins   
   walked over to the window and looked down. Michael Lalonde was gone.   
      
   ----o0o----    
      
      Just yonder, Michael Lalonde was struggling to make his way through the   
   foxy forest behind Leroy Jenkins's place. Michael Lalonde had severely hurt   
   his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose   
   strength.  Another pack of feral    
   Ontarios suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Sudbury .  One by one   
   they latched on to Michael Lalonde.  Already weakened from his injury, Michael   
   Lalonde yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw   
   before losing    
   consciousness was a buzzing horde of Ontarios running off with his Sudbury .   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)