XPost: alt.fan.julia-roberts, alt.politics, alt.politics.bush   
   XPost: alt.politics.democrats, alt.politics.greens, alt.politics.liberalism   
   XPost: alt.politics.republicans, alt.radio.talk   
   From: FlyC750s@loveUSA.edu   
      
   Democrat Catfight   
   By Ann Coulter   
   January 22, 2004   
      
      
   The endless receding nightmare of the Iowa caucuses has finally produced   
   something interesting: The Democrats have one hellacious catfight on their   
   hands.   
      
   After all the hoopla about Howard Dean's new mass movement of "Deaniacs," it   
   appears that blanketing Iowa with self-righteous 20-year-olds in orange wool   
   caps may not have been the ideal campaign strategy. Dean's distant   
   third-place finish makes you want to ask him the question Jack Nicholson put   
   to his down-and-out gay neighbor in "As Good As It Gets": "What happened to   
   your queer party-friends?"   
      
   At the behest of the Democratic Party establishment, the media dutifully   
   destroyed Howard Dean, the legitimate leader of the opposition. Democratic   
   voters are so obedient to the media, they followed their media puppet   
   masters and instantly switched from Dean to John Kerry.   
      
   But Dean still has the money and foot soldiers and endorsements to stay in   
   the fight for the foreseeable future. And being from Vermont, Dean should do   
   well in New Hampshire. I went to a public school, but if I remember my   
   high-school geography correctly, New Hampshire and Vermont are the same   
   state.   
      
   Until Kerry won Iowa, Wesley Clark was viewed as the pre-eminent electable   
   Democrat principally because he's a Republican. Howard Dean has already said   
   he believes Clark is a fine fellow but truly a Republican. In response, Gen.   
   Clark immediately put on a third sweater.   
      
   Sadly, it may turn out that Clark's whole raison d'etre is now gone. Never   
   was so much money, media, chicanery, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, conniving and   
   Cabala deployed to promote a quote-unquote "electable" Democrat.   
      
   Clark was supposed to be the phony American to stop Dean, but Kerry is the   
   even better phony American! And he's already stopped Dean in Iowa!   
      
   Kerry and Clark now represent the two major wings of the Democratic Party –   
   the Kennedy wing and the Clinton wing. One drowns you after the extramarital   
   affair; the other one calls you a stalker.   
      
   Other than that, there isn't a hair's difference between any of the   
   Democrats on any substantive issues.   
      
   All the Democrats are for higher taxes. All of them favor Hillary's   
   socialist health-care plan. All of them are for higher pay for teachers and   
   nurses – and no pay at all for anyone in the pharmaceutical or oil   
   industries, especially Halliburton executives, who should be sent to   
   Guantanamo. All the Democrats believe the way to strike fear in the hearts   
   of the terrorists is for the federal government to invest heavily in   
   windmills.   
      
   All the Democrats oppose the war. And all the Democrats who took a position   
   on the war before it began were for it, but now believe that everything Bush   
   did from that moment forward has been bad! bad! bad! This is with the   
   exception of Joe Lieberman who, as an observant Jew, is forbidden to   
   backpedal after sundown on Fridays. Representing a large flabby chunk of the   
   Kennedy wing, Ted Kennedy gave a speech last week in which he called the   
   liberation of Iraq a "political product." Then again, Ted Kennedy calls   
   Chivas Regal "that life-sustaining liquid."   
      
   Finally, all the candidates are willing to sell out any of these other   
   issues in service of the secret burning desire of all Democrats: abortion on   
   demand. If they could just figure out a way to abort babies using solar   
   power, that's all we'd ever hear about.   
      
   For all his talk, even Dick Gephardt was willing to abandon blue-collar   
   workers in a heartbeat. The Teamsters haven't asked for much, only two big   
   votes in the past decade: (1) Oppose NAFTA, and (2) support drilling on a   
   small, godforsaken patch of the Alaskan wilderness, as the people who   
   actually live there have been begging us to do for decades. Like all the   
   other Democrats, Gephardt voted against the Teamsters – but with Barbra   
   Streisand – to oppose drilling in the godforsaken Alaskan wilderness.   
      
   When Gephardt entered politics he was pro-life. But then, like Al Gore,   
   Jesse Jackson, Dennis Kucinich and scores of other Democrats with national   
   ambitions, he quickly figured out that position wasn't, well ... viable. In   
   short order he had adopted the whole NARAL party line. That's how you woo   
   old-time union Democrats.   
      
   On Monday night, Gephardt was shocked to discover that blue-collar Democrats   
   have gone the way of patriotic Democrats: They're all Republicans now. (But   
   thanks for that NAFTA vote a decade ago!) You knew Gephardt was toast when   
   even responsible journalists have started using words like "decent" and   
   "solid" to describe the two-faced weasel from Missouri. Though I suppose   
   "decent" has a pretty broad meaning in a party that still admires Bill   
   Clinton.   
      
   The Iowa caucus was just another one of the Democrats' ongoing public   
   debates about how to fake out the American people. Fifty percent of Iowa   
   Democrats participating in the caucus said they "strongly disapprove" of the   
   war with Iraq and another 25 percent "somewhat disapprove."   
      
   But more important to Democrats than their pacifism was "electability." The   
   entire Iowa electorate was committed to the proposition: How do we fool the   
   neighbors? In the end, the caucus-goers chose a decorated war hero who voted   
   in favor of the very war that 75 percent of them oppose. So much for the   
   anti-war fever sweeping the country. The Democrats aren't even man enough to   
   run a genuine coward for president.   
      
      
      
   --   
   "Oh, be still my heart.   
      
   I'm falling in love with the guy all over again, while reading Hillary's   
   book.   
   Forget about her being the smartest woman in the world. She's the luckiest   
   woman!"   
      
   - America-Hating Racist "BONNIE" who cowardly changed her name to   
   RUAKOOK, (Yes, She Is) ruakook@aol.com, after being exposed as a liar and a   
   sycophant.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)