XPost: alt.fan.rush-limbaugh, alt.fan.barbra.streisand, alt.fan.j-garofalo   
   XPost: alt.fan.julia-roberts   
   From: hpgoldfinger@N0SPAM.C0M   
      
   THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER - MODERN VERSION FOR LIBERALS   
      
      
   OLD VERSION:   
   The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his   
   house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks   
   he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come   
   winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or   
   shelter, so he dies out in the cold.   
      
   MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!   
      
   MODERN VERSION:   
   The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his   
   house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks   
   he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come   
   winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands   
   to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while   
   others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide   
   pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in   
   his comfortable home with a   
   table filled with food.   
      
   America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a   
   country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?   
   Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody   
   cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson   
   stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news   
   stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has   
   the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.   
      
   Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings   
   that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both   
   call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair   
   share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and   
   Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The   
   ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs   
   and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is   
   confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to   
   represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and   
   the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed   
   from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the   
   case.   
      
   The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of   
   the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens   
   to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't   
   maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is   
   found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is   
   taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful   
   neighborhood.   
      
   MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)