XPost: alt.politics.socialism, alt.politics.economics, alt.politics.media   
   From: efreem2@alumni.umbc.edu   
      
   Abandon Hope All ye who enter here.   
      
   If you have already abandoned hope, please disregard this notice.   
      
   *.*   
      
   What separates five nymphomaniacs from two drunks?   
      
   the cockpit door.   
      
   *.*   
      
   *Martial Arts Dictionary*   
      
   Aikido: A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without   
   hurting   
      him. Unless of course his does not know how to ukemi in which case   
      he has his wrist broken in about 20 places.   
      
   Arnis: "Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima   
      and kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand combat.   
      Mispronanciation of the art guarantees a quick taste.   
      
   Bo: A stick.   
      
   Bokken: A stick that looks like a sword.   
      
   Buddhism: A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate asia with   
      statues of short fat bald men.   
      
   Chi: A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques, which   
      in defying the laws of physics and the basic scientific common   
      sense, allows the user to develop super human strength.   
      
   Dan: A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved   
      the rank of at least first-degree black belt.   
      
   Darn: The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will   
      now get hit harder and more frequently during training.   
      
   Dojo: "The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar   
      to a B & D parlor but without the mistress.   
      
   Hakama: A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really   
   like   
      to talk about it.   
      
   Iaido: "Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword   
   from   
      its scabbard. A rather interesting art developed around the   
      principle of "look how big mine is".   
      
   Judo: "Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling   
      each other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often   
      closet Hakama wearers.   
      
   Jujitsu: A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly   
   more   
      damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers   
      and often are heard saying "You gotta a big mouth"   
      
   Karate: "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is   
   the   
      destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles   
      have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be   
      outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people   
      enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their   
      fists on their hips.   
      
   Kata: A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental   
      martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that   
      may involve pain.   
      
   Katana: A sharp metal stick.   
      
   Kendo: A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with   
      sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult?   
      
   Kuk Sool Won: A combination of Kata, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Zen, Jujitsu and   
   Master   
      definitions but of course the tapes for Kuk Sool Won are much more   
      expensive.   
      
   Kung fu: A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many   
   of   
      these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray   
      Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while   
      students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off   
      by men in white lab coats.   
      
   Master: A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced   
   rank   
      after long years of study or has started his own style after   
      achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed the   
      "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month.   
      
   Naginata: A stick with a sharp bit on the end.   
      
   Ninja: A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in   
      his pajamas.   
      
   Ninjutsu: The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas   
      
   Sparring: Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes   
   that   
      you don't know any kata or techniques.   
      
   Tae kwon do: An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have   
   the   
      flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.   
      
   Tai chi chuan: Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from   
   moving very   
      slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you   
      develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway.   
      
   Tatami: "Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three   
      inches thick (with bound straw inside.) Original purpose to prevent   
      blood stains on the wooden floor.   
      
   Three sectional staff: Three sticks linked together.   
      
   Zen: The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine   
      that emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission   
      of teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old and   
      confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on their heads   
      during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting in a cave   
      facing a wall for 10 years or so.   
      
   *.*   
      
   Last week my boss said he was going to   
   garnish my wages.   
      
   Call me dense, but I fail to see   
   how a sprig of parsley in my paycheck   
   will make it any more attractive.   
      
   *.*   
      
   A Scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,   
   has discovered that people   
   with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail   
   with their hand on the mouse.   
      
   Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late :)   
      
   Issue of the Times;   
   Why Do We Need Government? by Joseph Sobran   
      
   About twenty years ago a very intelligent man, whom I.ll call Robert (he.s   
   actually a sort of composite of several men), told me he was an anarchist.   
   He didn.t believe in any government, period.   
      
   At the time I considered myself a conservative, with libertarian leanings.   
   Much as I respected Robert, I believed in limited government under the   
   U.S.   
   Constitution . but none at all? That was taking a good idea too far, I   
   thought.   
      
   Notice the illogic of my reaction. I was thinking of a philosophy as a   
   matter of personal taste, as if you could draw an arbitrary line and stop   
   there. .Would you prefer a little bit of government, a moderate amount, or   
   a   
   lot of it?.   
      
   After a while (years, actually) it sank in that Robert wasn.t just telling   
   me what quantity of government he.d prefer. He was saying that the whole   
   idea of it was wrong in principle . no matter whether it was democratic,   
   Communist, monarchist, Christian, or something else. He would agree that   
   some are worse than others, but he insisted that all were wrong. Any   
   government is a monopoly of organized force, inherently unjustifiable; and   
   once accepted, it.s bound to get out of control sooner or later.   
      
   This notion is hard for Americans to grasp, let alone assent to. After   
   all,   
   we have what looks like a solid rationale for government in our   
   Declaration   
   of Independence, plus a practical plan for keeping it within due limits in   
   our Constitution and Bill of Rights. True, American government has become   
   a   
   staggering tangle of laws, powers, regulations, and taxes, with recurrent   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)