XPost: alt.politics.socialism, alt.politics.economics, alt.politics.media   
      
   Is there a reason you think your 10 posts of collected jokes have some   
   relevance in alt.politics, economics, etc?   
      
   On Fri, 22 Sep 2006 12:34:19 -0400, "Erik D. Freeman"   
    wrote:   
      
   >Oneliners   
   >   
   >The income tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding.   
   >   
   >Marriage is the mourning after the knot before   
   >   
   >Another American invention the permanent Temporary Tax.   
   >   
   >I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity   
   >   
   >Predestination was doomed from the start.   
   >   
   >Where all men think alike, no one knows very much.   
   >   
   >If you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air   
   >conditioning.   
   >   
   >Don't find fault. Find a remedy.   
   >   
   >Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and   
   >not giving it.   
   >   
   >*.*   
   >   
   >A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the   
   >Afghanistan   
   >desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find   
   >water,   
   >he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting   
   >at   
   >a card-table with neckties laid out on it.   
   >   
   >The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"   
   >   
   >The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?   
   >They   
   >are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."   
   >   
   >The Arab shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!"   
   >   
   >"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a   
   >tie, or that you insult me. I will show you that you have not offended me.   
   >If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find   
   >a   
   >lovely restaurant.   
   >   
   >Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"   
   >   
   >The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared.   
   >   
   >Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was   
   >sitting at his table.   
   >   
   >The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not   
   >find it?   
   >   
   >"I found it all right," rasped the Arab. "Your brother won't let me in   
   >without a tie!"   
   >   
   >*.*   
   >   
   >Short thoughts   
   >   
   >Committing is hard for men.   
   >They can't even commit to one TV program.   
   >They get a nervous feeling that   
   >there's something better on another channel.   
   >   
   >   
   >Did you notice that people   
   >who jog in ninety-degree weather   
   >are never properly dressed for it?   
   >They should be wearing straitjackets!   
   >   
   >   
   >Taxation is a lot like sheep shearing...   
   >As long as you shear a sheep,   
   >it will continue to produce a new crop of wool.   
   >But you can skin the animal only once.   
   >   
   >*.*   
   >   
   >Two knights are riding through a forest in medieval England when they   
   >come upon a peasant gathering sticks.  "Lo there, yon farmer!"  exclaims   
   >one of the knights, "Why dost thou labor in this forest at so late an   
   >hour?  There be hostile beasts and men of military about."   
   >   
   >"I beg thy forgiveness my lords," replies the peasant, "but my hearth   
   >fire did burn to nothing of late, and my animals are bleating with   
   >discomfort."   
   >   
   >"Very well," responds the knight, "then go thee about your task with   
   >haste."  The knight then lowers his voice and leans closer to the   
   >peasant.  "But I pray thee, hast thou recently seen another knight in   
   >this forest, clad as we?  His armor be of green hue and painted upon   
   >his shield be a rampant griffin."   
   >   
   >"My apologies lords, but no.  This night I hath seen no one in the   
   >forest save thee."   
   >   
   >The knights thank the peasant and continue on their way.  Only a short   
   >while later they come upon a milk maid leading a cow along their path.   
   >"Halt there, woman!  This is not the time for the movement of cattle!"   
   >exclaims one of the knights.  "Hostile beasts and men of military move   
   >in this forest during the night."   
   >   
   >"Forgive me sire," responds the maid, "but the young son of my mistress   
   >is ill and requires nutrition.  All of there cattle are bare, and she   
   >did ask that I bring to her a replacement post haste."   
   >   
   >"Very well," responds the knight, "bring her the cow but be thee   
   >fleet."  He then leans closer to the maid and lowers his voice.  "But I   
   >pray thee, ponder deeply and then reply, hast thou recently seen   
   >another knight in this forest, clad as we?  His armor be of green hue   
   >and painted upon his shield be a rampant griffin."   
   >   
   >"No sire," replies the maid, "this unsavory character I have not seen.   
   >I would remember such an image."   
   >   
   >The knights thank the maid and continue on their way.  A short while   
   >later one of the knights lifts his visor and turns to the other, "Where   
   >the hell is Steve?"   
   >   
   >*.*   
   >   
   >While at a local public garden, There were two male mallards engaging in   
   >amorous behavior with each other in one of the water features.    My   
   >spouse and I looked at each other, and we both knew what the other was   
   >thinking.   
   >   
   >"Brokeback Fountain".   
   >   
   >Issue of the Times;   
   >Dental Socialism in Britain by Llewellyn H. Rockwell, Jr.   
   >   
   >When you think about the sufferings of the precapitalistic age, it helps   
   >to have a vivid example in mind.   
   >   
   >Think of teeth.   
   >   
   >In ancient Egypt, dentists drilled holes through the bone to drain   
   >abscessed teeth. No anesthesia. Later, people learned that pulling teeth   
   >was the best way to deal with this and other problems. No anesthesia.   
   >Dental drills were an advance, but you had to keep the hole filled to   
   >keep the air out.   
   >   
   >Those who had the tools did the work. For centuries in Europe, the same   
   >guy who cut your hair also extracted your teeth. In the US, it was the   
   >blacksmiths who would make the kitchen knives, saw off limbs, and drill   
   >and pull teeth.   
   >   
   >By the mid-19^th century, the biggest advance ever came along: laughing   
   >gas to take away the pain, which is unthinkably horrible in all ages and   
   >all places.   
   >   
   >Well, if you live in Britain, you are likely to experience a blast from   
   >the past.   
   >   
   >The system is socialized. Shortages and bad service are as universal   
   >under socialism as tooth pain was before the advent of anesthesia. But   
   >many in Britain no longer have any choice: they have to pull out their   
   >own teeth.   
   >   
   >Only 49 percent of adults and 63 percent of children are registered with   
   >a dentist in England and Wales, according to the New York Times.   
   >You have to be registered to get service, but there is still no   
   >guarantee. You wait months, even years, if you get in at all.   
   >   
   >To make an appointment, you have to call at 8am. The logs are full by   
   >8:10am. This is what accounts for the burgeoning market in   
   >over-the-counter replacement fillings that you stuff in yourself. Most   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)