XPost: alt.politics.socialism, alt.politics.economics, alt.politics.media   
   From: efreem2@alumni.umbc.edu   
      
   We delivered our child via natural childbirth,   
   the procedure invented by a man   
   named Lamaze . . . the Marquis de Lamaze.   
      
   Lamaze expects the husband . . .me . . . to be there,   
   so that I can witness this festivity.   
      
   I did not want to be there.   
   This was remarkably painful for my wife.   
      
   There was nothing my presence could really do   
   to relieve her pain. In other words,   
   I didn't see why my evening should be ruined too.   
      
   *.*   
      
   Oneliners   
      
   Therapy is expensive, bubble wrap is cheap...you choose.   
      
   A word of advice...don't give it.   
      
   A golf course is nothing but a poolroom placed outdoors.   
      
   People don't waste time. They just spend it on things they don't need.   
      
   In places of delight, there are no clocks   
      
   Sometimes I just can't prevent clean thoughts from entering my mind.   
      
   Justice is blind and in some cases...deaf and dumb.   
      
   People will believe most anything that is whispered to another   
      
   A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.   
      
   Some ends don't justify the jeans   
      
   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.   
      
   If we made it illegal, do you think more people would vote?   
      
   A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once   
      
   If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time windows crashed... Oh,   
   wait... he does!   
      
   *.*   
      
   In Los Angeles, you have to have breast implants.   
      
   And an A-cup entitles you to park in a handicapped spot.   
      
      
   When Bush attacks North Korea and restarts the draft, remember,   
   people get the government they deserve.   
      
      
   Golf has more rules than any other game,   
   because golf has more cheaters than any other game.   
      
      
   Hawaii has the same weather all year 'round.   
   Wonder how their conversations start?   
      
      
   My plumber gave me the most profound information.   
   Remember: righty tighty, lefty loosey.   
      
      
   People who watch reality shows have nothing better to do   
   than sit and watch people who have nothing better to do.   
      
      
   I'd like to leave you with one thought,   
   but I'm not sure you have a place to put it.   
      
   *.*   
      
   A little Jewish grandmother gets on the crowded bus and discovers that she   
   doesn't have correct change for the fare.   
      
   The driver tries to be firm with her, but she places her hand delicately   
   over her chest and murmurs, "If you knew what I had, you'd be nicer to   
   me."   
   He caves in and lets her ride for free.   
      
   She tries to push her way down the crowded aisle, but people won't move   
   over   
   for her. She finally places her hand delicately over her chest and   
   murmurs,   
   "If you knew what I had, you'd be nicer to me." The crowd parts like the   
   Red   
   Sea and lets her down the aisle.   
      
   She gets to the back of the bus where there are no seats and looks   
   significantly at several people, none of whom take the hint and get up to   
   offer her their seat. Once again she places her hand delicately over her   
   chest and murmurs, "If you knew what I had, you'd be nicer to me."   
      
   Several people jump up and insist that she sit down and ride in comfort.   
   A woman who had been watching all this leaned over and said to her, "I   
   know this is none of my business, but just what is it that you've got,   
   anyway?   
      
   The little Jewish grandmother smiled and said, "Chutzpah"   
      
   *.*   
      
   A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce.   
   The priest was surprised.   
   "Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife?   
   She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so,   
   she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned.   
   I really can't see   
   what you have to complain about."   
      
   The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said,   
   showing it to the priest,   
   "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful   
   piece of work and nicely proportioned."   
      
   "Ah," said the priest, "a parable."   
      
   "In a way, Father," replied the man.   
   "I'm the only one who knows it pinches."   
      
   Issue of the Times;   
   Iraq: The Hidden Horror by Justin Raimondo   
      
   650,000 Iraqis dead - now that's 'liberation'!   
      
   The new study estimating that 650,000 Iraqis have died as a result of the   
   U.S. invasion was - naturally - dismissed out of hand in Washington and   
   London and disdained by the War Party's pet pundits. My favorite comment   
   came from the president, who announced: "The methodology is pretty well   
   discredited."   
      
   Yes, our genius of a chief executive is an expert on the subject of   
   methodology: the methods he and his confreres utilized to project we'd be   
   greeted by Iraqis throwing rose petals in our path are a monument to his   
   expertise. Asked about his previous estimate of 30,000 dead Iraqis, Bush   
   replied:   
      
   "I stand by the figure. Six hundred thousand or whatever they guessed   
   at...   
   it's not credible."   
      
   That Bush has the gall to challenge anyone's credibility is a testament to   
   his complete cluelessness. Here, after all, is a president who went to war   
   under false pretenses, and now demands that we "stay the course" right   
   over   
   a cliff. Let him look at his own methodology, which involves reading - or,   
   at least, skimming - a presidential daily briefing entitled "Bin Laden   
   Determined to Strike U.S." and then going blithely on his merry way,   
   oblivious to all dangers but a nonexistent one in Iraq.   
      
   Are we to be spared nothing?   
      
   Tony Blair, too, put on his scientific genius hat and dismissed the Johns   
   Hopkins University study, saying through a spokesman:   
      
   "The ... figure is an order of magnitude higher than any other figure.   
   It's   
   not one we believe to be anywhere near accurate and that is not in any way   
   to downplay the seriousness of the security situation in Iraq."   
      
   This argument assumes that the conventional wisdom can't be wrong: by   
   Blairite standards, the West's early ignorance about what was happening in   
   Hitler's concentration camps is all we need know about the Holocaust. It   
   means that low-ball estimates of the toll taken by Stalin in the former   
   Soviet Union never required revision.   
      
   Anthony Cordesman, a security analyst who is no friend of the Bush   
   administration and has always been highly skeptical of the Iraq war, says   
   this study is just "politics." This characterization is baffling when one   
   takes into account the traditional willingness of Americans to countenance   
   casualties - so long as they aren't our own.   
      
   When Truman dropped nukes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, there was no national   
   outcry: rather, there was a celebration of unassailable American power.   
   Likewise, the bombing of Dresden caused nary a ripple of protest. A long   
   string of American-sponsored and -countenanced atrocities, ranging from   
   the   
   torture methods employed by the shah of Iran's U.S.-trained SAVAK to the   
   "free-fire zones" of Vietnam, to the terror manual written by the CIA for   
   the Nicaraguan contras during the 1980s, and on and on - none of this   
   bothered much of anyone, either in Washington or in the country at large.   
   We   
   withdrew from Vietnam not because we were repulsed by our murderous   
   tactics,   
   and those of our Vietnamese sock-puppets, but because we were beaten   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)