XPost: alt.politics.socialism, alt.politics.economics, alt.politics.media   
   From: efreem2@alumni.umbc.edu   
      
   St. Andrews   
      
   A Scottish Jew who had worked hard all his life in Scotland, decided   
   that he would like to enjoy life a little, so he went to the exclusive   
   St. Andrews Club.   
      
   He was told on applying that his application would have to be approved   
   by the Membership Board and that he would have their decision in a   
   couple of days.   
      
   Two days later he was told that his application was refused.   
      
   He went there To find out why.   
      
   He was asked, "You're Jewish, aren't you?"   
      
   "Aye" he answered, "but I'm as Scottish as you are Jock."   
      
   "Well, you understand that we wear nothing under our kilts."   
      
   "Aye, I know that."   
      
   "And being Jewish, you must be circumcised."   
      
   "Aye I am that"   
      
   "Well, the board decided that they could not stand a circumcised man   
   parading around with us."   
      
   "Och, away with ye man," he cried. "I know I must be a Protestant to   
   march In the Orangeman's parade, and a Catholic to belong to the Knights   
   of Columbus, but this is the first time I've heard that a man had to be   
   a complete prick to be a Scotsman!"   
      
   *.*   
      
   With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the synagogue's   
   marriage marathon, the Rabbi asked Moishe to take a few minutes and   
   share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all   
   these years.   
      
   Moishe replied to the congregation, "Well, I treated her with respect,   
   spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special   
   occasions."   
      
   The Rabbi inquired...... trips to where?   
      
   "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."   
      
   The Rabbi then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands   
   Moishe.   
      
   Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your   
   50th anniversary? "   
      
   Moishe replies:   
      
   "I'm going to go back and get her".   
      
   *.*   
      
   Oneliners   
      
   The only drawback in being a good sport is you have to lose to prove   
   it.   
      
   What a tangled web parents weave, thinking children are naive.   
      
   Some rights are worth dying for. The right of way is not one of them.   
      
   The most powerful force in the universe is ... gossip.   
      
   Delta management proves that even a Harvard grad can be an idiot.   
      
   They call it a tax return . . as if the money you pay was going to make   
   a round trip.   
      
   Just because you're smart doesn't mean that the other guy is stupid.   
      
   The most important things in your home are the people.   
      
   There is nothing wrong with having nothing to say ... unless you insist   
   on saying it.   
      
   *.*   
      
   The 21st Century   
      
   Our communication - Wireless   
      
   Our dress - Topless   
      
   Our telephone - Cordless   
      
   Our cooking - Fireless   
      
   Our youth - Jobless   
      
   Our religion - Creedless   
      
   Our food - Fatless   
      
   Our faith - G-Dless   
      
   Our labour - Effortless   
      
   Our conduct - Worthless   
      
   Our relation - Loveless   
      
   Our attitude - Careless   
      
   Our feelings - Heartless   
      
   Our politics - Clueless   
      
   Our education - Valueless   
      
   Our follies - Countless   
      
   Our arguments - Baseless   
      
   Our boss - Brainless   
      
   Our Job - Thankless   
      
   Our Salary - Very less   
      
   *.*   
      
   Quips   
      
   When cryptography is outlawed,   
   bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.   
      
      
   Blessed are those who hunger and thirst,   
   for they are sticking to their diets.   
      
      
   Whenever your phone rings, pick it up and say,   
   "For service in English, please press one."   
      
      
   If women really dressed to please their husbands,   
   they'd be wearing last year's clothes.   
      
   Issue of the Times;   
   An experiment that hints we are wrong on climate change   
   Nigel Calder, former editor of New Scientist, says the orthodoxy must be   
   challenged   
      
   When politicians and journalists declare that the science of global   
   warming   
   is settled, they show a regrettable ignorance about how science works. We   
   were treated to another dose of it recently when the experts of the   
   Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change issued the Summary for   
   Policymakers that puts the political spin on an unfinished scientific   
   dossier on climate change due for publication in a few months' time. They   
   declared that most of the rise in temperatures since the mid-20th century   
   is   
   very likely due to man-made greenhouse gases.   
      
   The small print explains "very likely" as meaning that the experts who   
   made   
   the judgment felt 90% sure about it. Older readers may recall a press   
   conference at Harwell in 1958 when Sir John Cockcroft, Britain's top   
   nuclear   
   physicist, said he was 90% certain that his lads had achieved controlled   
   nuclear fusion. It turned out that he was wrong. More positively, a 10%   
   uncertainty in any theory is a wide open breach for any latterday Galileo   
   or   
   Einstein to storm through with a better idea. That is how science really   
   works.   
      
   Twenty years ago, climate research became politicised in favour of one   
   particular hypothesis, which redefined the subject as the study of the   
   effect of greenhouse gases. As a result, the rebellious spirits essential   
   for innovative and trustworthy science are greeted with impediments to   
   their   
   research careers. And while the media usually find mavericks at least   
   entertaining, in this case they often imagine that anyone who doubts the   
   hypothesis of man-made global warming must be in the pay of the oil   
   companies. As a result, some key discoveries in climate research go almost   
   unreported.   
      
   Enthusiasm for the global-warming scare also ensures that heatwaves make   
   headlines, while contrary symptoms, such as this winter's billion-dollar   
   loss of Californian crops to unusual frost, are relegated to the business   
   pages. The early arrival of migrant birds in spring provides colourful   
   evidence for a recent warming of the northern lands. But did anyone tell   
   you   
   that in east Antarctica the Adlie penguins and Cape petrels are turning up   
   at their spring nesting sites around nine days later than they did 50   
   years   
   ago? While sea-ice has diminished in the Arctic since 1978, it has grown   
   by   
   8% in the Southern Ocean.   
      
   So one awkward question you can ask, when you're forking out those extra   
   taxes for climate change, is "Why is east Antarctica getting colder?" It   
   makes no sense at all if carbon dioxide is driving global warming. While   
   you   
   're at it, you might inquire whether Gordon Brown will give you a refund   
   if   
   it's confirmed that global warming has stopped. The best measurements of   
   global air temperatures come from American weather satellites, and they   
   show   
   wobbles but no overall change since 1999.   
      
   That levelling off is just what is expected by the chief rival hypothesis,   
   which says that the sun drives climate changes more emphatically than   
   greenhouse gases do. After becoming much more active during the 20th   
   century, the sun now stands at a high but roughly level state of activity.   
   Solar physicists warn of possible global cooling, should the sun revert to   
   the lazier mood it was in during the Little Ice Age 300 years ago.   
      
   Climate history and related archeology give solid support to the solar   
   hypothesis. The 20th-century episode, or Modern Warming, was just the   
   latest   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)