From: freezer88@hotSPAMTHISmail.com   
      
   > Chapter 3   
   >   
   > (A/N: Thanks for the positivity you guys! But I NEED REVIEWS   
   > DAMMIT! No reviews make me a sad panda 8o(   
      
   MIKE : I don't know how many different ways you can really say   
       	"This isn't very good."   
      
   > Also, thank you Raquelle you fabulous beta you!)   
      
   KEVIN: Once again; Someone else read this, presumably gave   
       	constructive criticism, and we still ended up with this.   
      
   > Stout, portly Ginny Weasley looked down the stairs of Number   
   > 12, Grimmauld Place,   
      
   BILL : "Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead..."   
   KEVIN: Why do I get the feeling she had to be talked down from   
       	writing "fat, ginger slag, Ginny Weasley?"   
      
   > a hairbrush in one hand and a stick of lipstick in the other.   
      
   MIKE : [Ginny] This clown make-up isn't gonna apply itself.   
      
   > Clad in the yellow designer evening dress she insisted that   
   > Harry buy for her the last time they had visited Madame   
   > Malkin's, she called out to her husband.   
      
   KEVIN: [Ginny, shrilly] HAAAAARRYYYYYYYY!!!!   
      
   > "Harry? Is that you? Come here at once and help me tie this   
   > thing up! We're already late as it is!"   
      
   MIKE : [Ginny] If they start the bear beating without us, you   
       	won't hear the end of it!   
      
   > Harry, who had only just entered from a long day of   
   > counteracting curses and chasing down a particularly nasty Neo   
   > Death Eater,   
      
   BILL : ...And not noticing his best friend and co-worker was an   
       	alcoholic caveman.   
      
   > sighed and went up. Better to get it over with than having to   
   > deal with it any longer.   
      
   BILL : [Harry] *SIGH!*  Better go see what my *wife* wants...   
      
   > Ginny was already waiting for him in her bedroom (for she had   
   > always insisted on separate bedrooms), topless as the halter   
   > top of her dress hung at her waist.   
      
   KEVIN: And this fic just took a turn towards "Hel-LO, Sailor!"   
   MIKE : [Harry, grumbling] I suppose she's gonna want sex now...   
      
   > "What  took  you so long?" she whined. "I can understand   
   > arriving fashionably late but this is simply the  limit!" She   
   > turned. "Now, be a dear and tie this up, would you? Mary is   
   > already getting the children dressed. I still don't see  why   
   > you had to dismiss that house-elf of yours. Kreacher would have   
   > been dead useful in dealing with the children."   
      
   BILL : Um... When did we stumble on a 60s sit com?   
      
   > Harry finally took his chance to speak in this rare moment of   
   > silence from Ginny. "I don't understand why we have to go to   
   > this party. I thought you hated the Malfoys."   
      
   KEVIN: [Ginny] But how can I tell the world that if I'm not   
       	there?   
      
   > "Of course I do! But they are the most fashionable and well-to   
   >do family in the Wizarding World, and it would be simply uncouth   
   > not to go.   
      
   KEVIN: The Weasleys being well-known Wizard society fixtures.   
   MIKE : So it's "fat, skanky, horrible judge of character, Ginny   
       	Weasley?"   
      
   > Besides," she added with a wicked grin, "Malfoy's son is only a   
   > few years older than Lily, and I think they get along   
   > perfectly..."   
      
   MIKE : [Ginny, haughtily] I'm an utterly shallow social climber,   
       	don't you know?   
      
   > Harry gritted his teeth. It was now or never. "Ginny, I want a   
   > divorce."   
      
   MIKE : [Ginny] Okay, fine! We won't go to the Malfoys'!   
      
   > Ginny stopped her chatter about what Lily and Scorpius' future   
   > children would look like.   
      
   BILL : Half-human wizard, one-fourth Scarran, one-fourth   
       	Sebacean?   
   KEVIN: Different "Scorpius", Bill.   
   BILL : I know; I just like my idea better.   
      
   > She stood there, her mouth open stupidly, as if unable to   
   > comprehend what had just happened.   
      
   ALL  : BAROOO?   
      
   > Finally, she spoke.   
   > "Excuse me?"   
   > Harry said again, this time with a little more assurance.   
   > "Ginny, I want a divorce."   
      
   MIKE : [Harry] I'm leaving you for Kreacher.   
   BILL : Ew...   
      
   > Ginny turned to him. By now, he had finished tying up the   
   > dress, and he couldn't see much of a difference from when the   
   > top was down. The halter consisted of solely of two narrow   
   > straps just wide enough to cover her nipples, while the skirt   
   > had two slits on either side leading up to the thighs.   
   > Everything else - her back, her midriff, her legs, and all   
   > around her breasts - was totally visible. And quite frankly, he   
   > wished it wasn't.   
      
   KEVIN: We've replaced canon Ginny Weasley with a crossdressing   
       	 Eddie Murphy in a fat suit.  Let's watch!   
      
   > Ever since Lily was born, Ginny had let herself go. Every time   
   > Harry tried to broach the subject, she would loudly proclaim   
   > that her eating habits were just fine, thank you, that Harry   
   > was being unfair and sexist in trying to make her lose weight,   
      
   MIKE : How dare he care about my health and appearance!   
      
   > and did he really expect her to keep her Quidditch-toned figure   
   > after three children?   
      
   BILL : Given that you're a Quidditch player - ex-player, I must   
       	assume, I'm guessing "yes?"   
      
   > So Harry had sat and watched silently as Ginny poured pancakes   
   > with bacon, steak and pork smothered in rich sauces, and a   
   > whole litany of desserts down her throat,   
      
   KEVIN: And that was just this morning!   
      
   > and watched as it all went to her hips, her butt, her thighs,   
   > and her stomach - but never, he thought bitterly, to her   
   > breasts.   
      
   MIKE : So she's a fat, vain gluttonous whore... with small   
       	breasts.  Lovely.   
      
   > Now, the results finally showed. Ginny, in her yellow dress,   
   > was attempting to come of as a sex goddess, a red-haired   
   > bombshell, a smoldering sexpot right out of the dirty magazines   
   > is roommates had kept hidden back at Hogwarts. Instead, she   
   > came off as too much sausage stuffed into too little casing.   
      
   BILL : So Ron turned into every Lifetime Movie villain ever and   
       	Ginny is now the third Fat Slag?   
   KEVIN: I'm guessing... Charlie's a serial killer, Bill and Fred   
       	 are just as evil to their wives as Ron and Arthur and Molly   
       	have been turned into Al and Peggy.   
      
   > "Why?"   
      
   MIKE : Because you're turned into Jabba The Slut, apparently.   
      
   > Her eyes narrowed and her nose scrunched up in what was   
   > apparently a threatening look, but simply came off as her   
   > smelling something nasty.   
      
   KEVIN: o/~ "WHAM WHAM WHAM", went the bashing!  "SQUISH SQUISH   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)