From: matrix29bear@gmail.com   
      
   On Monday, April 20, 2015 at 4:20:54 PM UTC-4, Doug Elrod wrote:   
   > Just imagine how different "The Wizard of Oz" would have been!   
   >    
   > "Time for go to storm cellar?"   
   >    
   > -Doug Elrod (dre1@cornell.edu) ;-)   
   > P.S.  "The Soup" (see reruns this week on the E! channel) had a guest   
   appearance by Paul Feig this week.  Not only was he *funny*, but his last name   
   is pronounced "FEEG"!  Who knew?   
      
      
       Now I am imagining Tor Johnson with a blonde pigtail wig (kind of looking   
   like the WENDYS mascot) carrying Toto with him in a basket.   
      
       It really reimagines the key scenes with a more hilarious edge.   
      
       Tor-Dorothy Gale lands in her house, smashing one of the witches.   
       Glinda the Ambiguous Witch comes down from the sky in a bubble, enchants   
   the dead witches's shoes onto Tor-Dorothy's feet, which then creak and   
   immediately break at the heels.  The tops of the slippers rip open.  So Glinda   
   enchants the shoes into    
   flat-sole boots with buckles.   
      
       The Wicked Witch of the West pops into Munchkin Land in a cloud of black   
   smoke.  Declares, "YOU KILLED MY SISTER!  GIVE ME BACK MY RUBY SLIPPERS!"   
   (slow pan up from Tor-Dorothy's chest to his face -- witch's facial expression   
   changes from amusement    
   to stunned horror).   
      
       At the crossroads near the cornfield, Tor-Dorothy encounters the   
   scarecrow.  He does his song, which bores Tor-Dorothy as his expression grows   
   slightly angry.  So Tor-Dorothy rips the entire pole-cross of wood from the   
   ground and drags The Scarecrow    
   along like one would a person on a crude one-man stretcher.   
      
       Which leads to the Apple Orchard scene where Tor-Dorothy picks an apple   
   and notes, "Hungry".  The sentient apple trees declare, "How would you like it   
   if someone picked your apples?!?" as they throw their apples hard at   
   Tor-Dorothy.  Tor-Dorothy    
   states, "Hungry, hungry."  Walks over to the insulting apple tree, shakes it   
   hard enough for all the apples to fall, then he rips the tree up from the   
   roots and throws it over into the Yellow Brick Road.  Then he hears, whispered   
   loudly, "OIL CAN OIL CAN"   
   .  Tor-Dorothy walks over, thumps the Tin Woodsman on the chest, leaving  a   
   deep dent, hears the hollow sound, says, "I FIX".  He walks over to the oil   
   can, picks it up, walks back to the Tin Woodsman, and rips the lower jaw off   
   of the face and squeezes    
   the oil can so it is crushed and oil oozes from it into the Tin Woodsman's   
   mouth.  The Tin Woodsman begins to cycle through the moves he can do and   
   begins to sing, but is stopped when he realizes he no longer has a jaw.    
   Tor-Dorothy states, "YOU FIXED.     
   WE GO NOW."  The Tin Woodsman picks up his axe and Tor-Dorothy crushes the Tin   
   Woodsman's arms like tin foil.  Tor-Dorothy wraps the Tin Woodsman around The   
   Scarecrow and he drags the duo behind him, on the rapidly eroded pole-cross.   
      
       Further in the woods, the woods begin to roar and howl.  Tor-Dorothy looks   
   confused until The Cowardly Lion leaps out.  The Cowardly Lion begins his song   
   & dance about needing "courage" until Tor-Dorothy steps forward, punches the   
   Cowardly Lion in    
   the gut and strangles him.  Declaring "Tor-Dorothy COLD", wraps the corpse of   
   the Cowardly Lion around chest like a fur vest.  And he begins to move   
   forward, but is assaulted by Flying Monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch.  They   
   try to grab The Scarecrow &    
   Tin Woodsman pole-cross but Tor-Dorothy just uses it like a flyswatter.  Any   
   Flying Monkeys that actually touch Tor-Dorothy are either crushed, stomped,   
   swatted, or flung hard into trees.  They do manage to make off with the dog   
   Toto.   
      
       (Shall I continue?)   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)