XPost: alt.fan.mst3k, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >     XII   
   >   
   >	FORTY FAT TURKEYS   
      
    CROW: If the Twelve Day of Christmas *never ended*.   
      
   >   
   >	When Jasper Jay told Fatty Raccoon about Farmer Green's forty fat   
   > turkeys   
      
     TOM: Jasper was being a gossip.   
      
   >         Fatty felt hungrier than ever.   
   >   
   >	"Oh! I mustn't go near Farmer Green's house!" he said.   
      
    MIKE: You mustn't?   
    CROW: He daren't.   
      
   >                                                               "My   
   > mother told me to keep away from there. . . .   
      
     TOM: On the other hand, food.  Well, she'll understand.   
      
   >                                                What time did you say   
   > the turkeys go to roost?"   
      
    CROW: It's after the chickens come home to roost, but before the cows come   
   home.   
      
   >   
   >	"Oh! they go to roost every night at sundown," Jasper Jay   
   > explained. "And there they sit, up in the tree, all night long.   
      
    CROW: [ As Fatty ]  And ... turkeys just go into trees and sleep?   
    MIKE: [ As Jasper ]  Yup!  That's totally normal behavior for turkeys!   
    CROW: [ As Fatty ]  Of course as real wild animal I know this I just ...   
   wanted to know I got it right?   
      
      
   > They're fast asleep. And you would have no trouble at all in catching   
   > as many as you wanted.   
      
     TOM: [ As Japser ]  Assuming you want none!  None is a many, right?   
      
   >                         . . . But of course, if you're afraibdwhy   
   > there's no use of MY talking about it.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ]  I'ven't given you cause to question my *courage*.   
     TOM: Mustn't doubt it, really.   
      
   >                                        There's a plenty of other Raccoons   
   > in these woods   
      
    CROW: [ As Jasper ]  I'll find love with one of them instead!   
      
   >                who'd be glad to know about those turkeys. And maybe   
   > they'd have the manners to say 'Thank you!' too."   
      
     TOM: Wait, why would the turkeys say thanks for having to meet Fatty?   
      
   >                                                    And with a hoarse,   
   > sneering laugh Jasper Jay flew away.   
      
    MIKE:  [ As the devil from 'The Undead' ] 'You're stuck here!'   
      
   >   
      
     TOM: [ Getting it ] Ooooooooh, wait.   
      
   >      That was enough for Fatty. He made up his mind that he would   
   > show Jasper Jay that HE was not afraid.   
      
    MIKE: He whips a can of spinach out of his tail.   
    CROW: [ Humming the Popeye fanfare ] Da-dadada-dah-dadah!   
      
   >                                         And he wanted a turkey to eat,   
   > too.   
      
     TOM: [ As Citizen Kane ] 'I think it would be *fun* to eat a turkey?'   
      
   >      He said nothing to his mother about Jasper's news.   
      
    CROW: Wait, you're not getting the gang together for one last heist?   
      
   >                                                         But that very   
   > night, when the moon came up, and the lights in Farmer Green's house   
   > were all out, Fatty Raccoon went stealing across the fields.   
      
    MIKE: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip ow a rock!   
    CROW: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip aaah the creek!  Splash!   
     TOM: Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak trip aaaaaaah the ravine aaaaaaaaaah!   
      
   >   
   >	He was not afraid, for   
      
    MIKE: For the Angel of the Lord had spoken upon him.   
      
   >                              he knew that Farmer Green and all his   
   > family were in their beds.   
      
    CROW: The Angel said, 'Behold, I bring you good tidings and raw hot dogs'.   
      
   >                            And it was so cold that Fatty felt sure   
   > that Farmer Green's dogs would be inside their kennels.   
      
     TOM: Awww, pups in a blanket, so cute!   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty did not intend to make any noise.   
      
    CROW: Then he stepped on the clown nose.   
      
   >                                                The turkeys were   
   > asleebpso Jasper Jay had told hibm   
      
    MIKE: They nestle in after having a good game of Five Hundred with the   
   neighbors and a small dish of pistachio ice cream.   
      
   >                                   and he expected to grab one of them   
   > so swiftly and silently that the other turkeys would never know it.   
      
     TOM: [ As Narrator ]  I mean, they'd know eventually, when they went looking   
   for their friend and found him gone, but ... look, I'll come in again.   
      
   >   
   >	When Fatty Raccoon came to Farmer Green's yard he had no trouble   
   > at all in finding the spreading oak.   
      
    CROW: Bonk!   
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'Found it!'   
      
      
   >                                      He could see the turkeys plainly   
   > where they dozed on the bare branches.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Huh ... uh yeah, turkeys.  In trees.  Wow.'   
    MIKE: 'Man, and I thought peacocks in trees were something.'   
      
   >                                        And in less time than it takes   
   > to tell it   
      
    CROW: Oh, never mind, it's done.   
      
   >            Fatty had climbed the tree. On the very lowest limb there   
   > was a row of four plump turkeys, all sound asleep.   
      
     TOM: [ Snoring in ]   
     MIKE: [ Snoring out ]   
     CROW: Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.   
      
      
   >                                                    And Fatty reached   
   > out and seized the nearest one.   
      
     TOM: I seez him!  He's right dere!   
      
   >                                 He seized the turkey by the neck,   
      
    CROW: Eek?   
      
   >                                                                   so   
   > that the big bird could not call out.   
      
     TOM: Well, this just got less fun.   
    MIKE: Thanks, Arthur Scott Bailey, we needed a touch of 'serial killer' in   
   this story.   
      
   >                                       But Fatty was not quite quick   
   > enough.   
      
    CROW: Man, predation is so much less cool when it's not just lions running at   
   antelopes and stuff.   
      
   >         Before he could pull her off her perch the turkey began to   
   > flap her wings,   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ]  'Wait, you're reacting?  You're not allowed to react!'   
      
   >                 and she struck the turkey next her, so that THAT   
   > turkey woke up and began to gobble and flap HER wings. Then the next   
   > turkey on the limb woke up.   
      
     TOM: It's a Rube Goldberg turkey roost!   
    CROW: It's a 82-step process to butter a piece of toast.   
      
   >                             And the first thing that Fatty Raccoon knew,   
   > every one of the thirty-nine turkeys that were left was going   
   > gobble-gob-gob-gob-gobble!   
      
     TOM: He knocked down ten, that's a strike, knocked down another ten, that's   
   another strike, knocked down another ten ...   
    CROW: That's a turkey.   
     MIKE: Oooh.   
      
   >                            And some of them went sailing off across   
   > the yard.   
      
    MIKE: Henry Cabot Henhouse!   
    CROW: That's Super*chicken*!   
      
   >           One of them lighted on top of the porch just outside Farmer   
   > Green's window and it seemed to Fatty that that one made the greatest   
   > racket of all.   
      
     TOM: Ladies and gentlemen Ringing Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus   
   brings you ... the greatest racket of all!   
    MIKE: Eh, I've seen greater rackets.   
      
      
   >   
   >	Farmer Green's window flew up; and Farmer Green's voice called   
   > "Spot! Spot!"   
      
    CROW: Stop bothering Lady Macbeth and chase that turkey thief!   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon did not wait to hear anything more. He dropped the   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)