From: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com   
      
   MiSTing: Greetings From Canada   
   ERA: Nonstandard/none: J. Michael Shearer's Theater one-off   
   Category: ad/spam   
   Original Author: unknown   
   MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer   
      
   [JESSE walks down the mall corridor that leads to his theater, noticing that   
   the skate shop that had been across from the theater had been replaced with a   
   merch shop bearing a sketchy version of the logo for something called Radio   
   Dead Air.  He pauses    
   for a moment to have a closer look and is approached by an anthropomorphic   
   raccoon with a similar build to his own but about half his height.]   
      
   RACCOON: [speaking Animalese Hello, hello!  I see that you are checking out   
   the Radio Dead Air Shop.  Please feel free to purchase some of their fine   
   Radio Dead Air merch.   
      
   JESSE: I really should.  I enjoy their work.  [beat] Hey, are you Tom Nook, by   
   chance?   
      
   TOM: [Animalese] Indeed I am.  Why do you ask?   
      
   JESSE: I've been saving up for that Island Getaway thing you do.  Is there   
   some way I can get ahold of you later?   
      
   TOM: [animalese] Here, this is my business card. [hands JESSE a card] Give me   
   a call when you're ready.   
      
   JESSE: [takes card] Thanks, man!  I've got business at the theater across the   
   hall, but I'll give you a ring soon as I can!   
      
   TOM [Animalese]: I look forward to it! [departs]   
      
   [JESSE goes right into the viewing area of the theater; takes second seat from   
   end of row]   
      
   JESSE: Huh, an RDA shop and Tom Nook.  The place has changed lately...   
      
   >   
   > From:Felix    
      
   JESSE: Gladly!   
      
   > Sent:Thursday, January 7, 2021 6:03 AM   
   > To:ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com    
      
   JESSE: I really should take that out, but I'm having trouble finding things to   
   work with by other means...   
      
   > Subject:Greetings From Canada   
   >   
   > Greeting,   
   >   
      
   JESSE: Just the one?   
      
   > My name is Felix,   
      
   JESSE: That's nice!   
      
   > a Chief Compliance officer at one of Canada’s   
   > foremost Cryptocurrency exchange platforms.   
      
   JESSE: Really?  Which one?  Didn't know there were any specifically Canadian.   
      
   > This is a private and confidential message from me to you and I    
   > request that it be treated as such.   
      
   JESSE: You got it, buddy!   
      
   >   
   > I am contacting you in respect of an urgent matter (Deal)   
      
   JESSE: Are they admitting that this is a bad deal?   
      
   > regarding funds in excess of Nine Million US Dollars    
      
   JESSE: Oh, only nine mil, huh?   
      
   > which resulted from a liquidated BTC account belonging to a deceased    
   > account holder. I will let you in on my plan and why I chose to   
   > contact you in the first place after I have received your reply   
   > and gaining your full confidence.   
   >   
      
   JESSE: Oh, couldn't just give me that part pf the bullshit now, huh?   
      
   >Many thanks and looking forward to your reply.   
      
   JESSE: Here you go, buddy!   
      
   >   
   > My peronsonal email: info@free221.com   
      
   JESSE: Normally, I'd cut this out, but this time...   
      
   >   
   > Felix.   
      
   JESSE: The cat? [beat] Is this the end?   
      
   [end of leader strip crosses screen]   
      
   JESSE: I'd hoped that would be longer, but I'm a bit short for time at   
   present, so short's OK, too.  [exits to mall concourse outside RDA Shop; is   
   greeted by Inspector  Carmalita FOX from the Sly Cooper games]   
      
   FOX: Finally coming back, I see.   
      
   JESSE: Yeah, yeah, for new stuff for a change, too.  I hope the retro stuff   
   I've been showing has been bringing in a little traffic, too.   
      
   FOX: It has been, but only a little.   
      
   JESSE: Have you met that Tom Nook guy I ran into on my way in?  I suspect   
   he'll bring the traffic up a little bit.  Talked me into trying out this new   
   shop here. [indicating the RDA store behind him] It's not all RDA stuff like I   
   thought it would be.   
      
   FOX: How do you mean?   
      
   JESSE: Well... [reaches into pants pocket and somehow pulls out a rather large   
   plushie that appears to be Animal Crossing's Tom Nook dressed in Sly Cooper's   
   outfit, complete with cane] Figured you'd get a kick out of this.   
      
   FOX: [smiles, takes plushie] You know, we really shouldn't do things like   
   this, butterball...   
      
   JESSE: I know, but this one was too good to pass up. [beat] Anyway, I suppose   
   I'd better get back to work on other stuff.  See you around, Inspector.   
      
   FOX: You, too!   
      
   [outro music: Kmart muzak from the early 1990s featuring the opening jingle   
   below]   
   Jingle: o/~ The best to you! / From Nookmart Radio...! / N-O-O-K! .o/~   
      
   Credits   
      
   Video Games   
   Animal Crossing copyright Nintendo   
   Sly Cooper copyright Sucker Punch Games and Sanzaru   
      
   Music   
   Kmart Muzak copyright relevant rights holders   
   Kmart ads copyright Kmart   
      
   Cartoons   
   Felix the Cat copyright Paramount Pictures   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)