XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       VIII   
      
    JOEL: It's King Henry Days at the Satellite of Love!   
      
   >   
   >       THE DARE   
      
     TOM: [ To the Pink Panther theme ] The dare, the DARE, the dare the dare the   
   DARE the dare the DAAAAAAARE!   
      
   >   
   >       If Grumpy Weasel had been a faster runner   
      
    JOEL: [ As the 'If Woody had gone right to the police' guy ] ... this would   
   never have happened.   
      
   >                                                 the forest   
   > people wouldn't have been so surprised when he dared Jimmy   
   > Rabbit to race him.   
      
    CROW: Also if he had ever chosen to interact with a person.   
      
   >                     Everybody knew that Jimmy was   
   > swift-footed   
      
    JOEL: He had feet like a bird.   
      
   >              ---especially since he once beat old Mr. Turtle   
   > (but that is another story).   
      
     TOM: Oh did he, now?  Because I saw a cartoon where it came out different.   
      
   >   
   >       When Mr. Crow, who was a great bearer of news,   
      
    CROW: And Mr Bear, who was a great crower of news.   
    JOEL: Wait, that makes sense.   
      
   >                                                      told   
   > Jimmy Rabbit one day that Grumpy Weasel wanted a race with   
   > him,   
      
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'What do I care if Grumpy wants a race with you?'   
      
   >      Jimmy Rabbit seemed more than willing to oblige. "Where,   
   > when, and how far does Grumpy want to run against me?" he   
   > asked.   
      
    JOEL: Seems like you could talk Jimmy into it.   
      
   >   
   >       Mr. Crow said that he didn't know,   
      
    CROW: He just got back from Buffalo.   
      
   >                                          but that he would   
   > make it his business to find out.   
      
     TOM: Some bots don't know how to mind their own business!   
    CROW: Hey!   
      
   >                                   So off he hurried to find   
   > Grumpy Weasel,   
      
    JOEL: Just look for the big cloud of disagreeing.   
      
   >                for if there was anything Mr. Crow liked it   
   > was busying himself with other people's affairs.   
      
    CROW: *Also* shiny trinkets!   
      
   >   
   >       He did not have what you could call a pleasant talk   
   > with Grumpy Weasel.   
      
    JOEL: I always thought any talk that doesn't end with a weasel biting your   
   face off is a pleasant one.   
      
   >                     Once when Mr. Crow alighted too near the   
   > ground Grumpy jumped at him.   
      
     TOM: That *is* a good story!   
      
   >                              And several times he called Mr.   
   > Crow a nest-robber and an egg-thief, though goodness knows   
      
    CROW: He styled himself more a nest-thief and an egg-robber.   
      
   > Grumpy Weasel himself was as bad as the worst when it came to   
   > robbing birds' nests.   
      
    JOEL: But the worst is going to be Fatty Raccoon?   
      
   >   
   >       Although he felt as if he were about to burst with   
   > rage old Mr. Crow pretended to laugh.   
      
    CROW: [ Clearing his throat, and speaking the words, awkwardly, as though   
   giving a bad presentation ] 'H- hah ha hhaah?'   
      
   >                                       He had been having a   
   > rather dull time, waiting for Farmer Green to plant his corn,   
      
     TOM: o/` And I don't care!  o/``   
      
   > and he thought that a lively race might put him in better   
   > spirits.   
      
    JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel is in good spirits does that mean he's *more* grumpy   
   or does that mean he's ...   
    CROW: Yeah, this is confusing.   
      
      
   >   
   >       "Where do you want to race against Jimmy Rabbit?" Mr.   
   > Crow asked.   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Around the world twice!  Zip!  Zip!  Hah, I'm done!'   
      
   >   
   >       "We'll start from this wall," said Grumpy sulkily,   
      
    CROW: You ... sound like you're not into this anymore, Grumps.   
      
   > "because it's always better to start from where you are than   
   > where you aren't."   
      
    JOEL: [ As Mr Meadow Mouse] 'No running through holes, right?'   
      
   >   
   >       Mr. Crow said that that seemed reasonable.   
      
     TOM: 'Makes sense', said Glinn Gusat.   
      
   >   
   >       "When do you want to race?" he added.   
      
    JOEL: [ As a Knight who says Ni ] 'When you bring me a shrubbery!'   
      
   >   
   >       "The sooner we start the quicker we'll finish,"   
   > Grumpy Weasel snapped.   
      
    CROW: And vice-versa.   
      
   >   
   >       "Quite true, quite true!" Mr. Crow agreed.   
      
     TOM: [ As Mr Crow, doing Columbo ] 'I figured it was something like that,   
   sure ... now just one more question.'   
      
   >                                                  "And now   
   > may I inquire how long a race you want to run?"   
      
    JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] No, you must ask how wide a race I want.   
      
   >   
   >       "No longer than I have to!" Grumpy growled.   
      
     TOM: Is Grumpy posing a riddle?   
    CROW: Uh, is the answer 'a hole'?  I feel like it's got to be 'a hole'?   
      
      
   >                                                   "Not more   
   > than a day or two, I hope!"   
      
    JOEL: You know how hard it would be to get a hotel this close to the event!   
      
   >   
   >       Mr. Crow snickered slightly.   
      
    CROW: [ Snickering, slightly. ]   
      
   >                                    "I see you don't   
   > understand my question," he observed.   
      
     TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Let me put it in other words.  Gazortnol flebnostrilate   
   chunk bloppily snork nobble?'   
      
   >                                       "Are you going to run a   
   > mile, or only a few rods?"   
      
    CROW: A few rods?  Look, I know this is 1915 but you're being old-fashioned   
   for *that*!   
      
   >   
   >       "How do I know?" Grumpy cried,   
      
     TOM: Fine, twelve hogsheads, three virgates, and a ha'penny!   
      
   >                                      as if he had no   
   > patience with his questioner.   
      
     JOEL: You know if you don't want to do this you don't have to do this.    
   *you* started everyone on doing this!   
      
   >                               "How could anybody tell? I'll   
   > let Jimmy Rabbit start twenty jumps ahead of me and we'll run   
   > till I catch him."   
      
    CROW: Wait a minute, is this a race or is he just going to eat Jimmy Rabbit?   
      
   >   
   >       Well, Mr. Crow laughed right out loud when he heard   
   > that.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I enjoy watching Jimmy Rabbit die!'   
      
   >       And he was about to tell Grumpy that he would have to   
   > run till the end of his days if he raced Jimmy Rabbit in any   
   > such fashion as that.   
      
    CROW: But why start trouble like that?   
      
   >                       But he saw all at once that such a race   
   > would be a great joke.   
      
     TOM: Well, it's one of those conceptual jokes, where the comedian's amused   
   but we're confused.   
      
   >                        And he said to himself with a chuckle   
   > that the laugh would be on Grumpy Weasel.   
      
    CROW: Sounds like you're the one doing all the laughing here.   
      
   >                                           For Jimmy Rabbit   
   > was so swift a runner that nobody who knew anything at all   
   > would ever consent to give him a start---   
      
    JOEL: What if we gave him a sudden surprise instead?   
      
   >                                          much less propose   
   > such a thing.   
   >   
   >       "Very well!" said Mr. Crow with a smirk, "I'll report   
   > to Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
     TOM: We'll agenda it on the next Pleasant Valley scrum!   
      
   >                   I'll tell him where, when and how you want   
   > to race, and there's no doubt that your plan will please   
   > him."   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)