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|    Message 22,781 of 22,866    |
|    Joseph Nebus to All    |
|    MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapt    |
|    23 Feb 23 23:36:08    |
      XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k       From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu              >       >       > XIV               JOEL: So that's eleven less than five, this is chapter minus four?        CROW: Sounds right.              >       > GRUMPY VANISHES               TOM: Is ... is the book over?              >       > Grumpy Weasel               TOM: Guess not.              > was quick to see               CROW: Yeah, we know he's quick, that was the whole Jimmy Rabbit race.              > that fat Mrs. Hen       > swallowed every word he said as greedily as if it had been an       > angleworm.               JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Hey, I only eat diet angleworm.'              > "Yes! You have a fine house here," he said.               TOM: [ As Groucho ] 'I've had a fine house here but this isn't it.'              > "But       > of course you're crowded," he added gloomily,               JOEL: Ever since that four-star review in Better Nests and Gardens.              > to show Mrs.       > Hen that he knew she had no place for him.               CROW: Is ... is he looking for ... _snugglebunnies_?        JOEL: Not since Jimmy Rabbit escaped.              >       > "Oh! Not at all!" Mrs. Hen assured him.               TOM: It's called a sub-efficiency apartment and there's really lots of space       once you move everything out into the hall.              >       > "And the door's always shut tight at night," he       > added, "on account of that prowling Tommy Fox."               CROW: Have you ever considered that Tommy Fox only prowls around because he's       wondering why you're shutting the door so tight?              >       > "Yes! We have to be careful," said Mrs. Hen.               TOM: Hence our choice to wear helmets all the time.        CROW: *Hens* our choice.              >       > "And there's Peter Mink, too," Grumpy went on.               JOEL: Hey, he was your biggest fan in the Jimmy Rabbit race!              > "Don't       > leave an opening big enough for him!               TOM: Give him the slightest conversational opening and he'll talk to you for       hours!        CROW: He has *opinions* about the 1960s Popeye cartoons.              > He can get through a       > small hole, too---any that's big enough for his head."               JOEL: Smaller than that, if he leaves his head at home.              >       > At that Mrs. Hen looked startled, as if she had just       > remembered something that made her feel uneasy.               TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'My rat closet!'              >       > "He couldn't get through a rat hole, could he?" she       > inquired nervously.               CROW: I started on a rat hole but I couldn't get past the first thirty pages.              >       > "Why---there isn't one here, is there?" Grumpy asked.               JOEL: I want to know how many holes it takes to fill Ratigan's hall?              >       > "There is an old one," she admitted. "It hasn't been       > used in my time."               TOM: But an ancient prophecy speaks of a great uniter of the rats who will       someday emerge from it.              >       > "If I could see it I'd know at once whether Pete       > could crawl through it," Grumpy Weasel said,               CROW: Or you could just ask Pete?        TOM: Maybe it would be more convenient to take the hole to Pete and see if       it fits around him?              > talking to       > himself---or so it seemed to Mrs. Hen.               JOEL: [ As though just now realizing ] OH!              >       > "I'll show it to you gladly!" she cried.               CROW: I'm sorry, Grumpy Weasel can't do anything gladly.              > "Do come       > right in and look at our rat hole, Mr. Weasel!"               TOM: Please don't mind the clutter, it's a bit of a rat's nest around the       hole --- oh say!              >       > As she spoke, Mrs. Hen started for the henhouse.               CROW: Oh, you keep the hole *inside* the henhouse, how elegant.              > And       > after her crept Grumpy Weasel,               TOM: Being creepy.              > hoping that nobody else would       > see him.               JOEL: You don't want to cause a scene with Mr Hen.              > So far as he could tell, the hens were all out of       > doors, scratching in the dirt.               CROW: Boy, the ground is *itchy* today!              > But suddenly Mrs. Hen's       > jealous neighbor began to set up a great squawking,               TOM: It's the Great Squawking, Charlie Brown.              > calling       > upon Mrs. Hen to be careful, for she was in great danger.               CROW: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'How does my being careful help you with your great       danger?'        JOEL: [ As Neighbor ] 'No, no, I mean ... you know what, go ahead.'              >       > Fat Mrs. Hen turned about with a vexed look upon her       > handsome but somewhat stupid face.               TOM: Stupid face! Read a book sometime, face, it'll do you good!              >       > "Walk right in!" she said to Grumpy.               CROW: [ Singing 'The Walking Blues' ] o/` Walk right out, walk right in, walk       right out o/`              > "I must stop and       > settle with her. She has gone too far."               TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Imagine a neighbor preferring I were not dead!'        CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I can't, it's like imagining a square circle or       something.'                     > And leaving Grumpy to       > find the rat hole without her help,               JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Just go up the ladder and take a right at the       grizzly-bear hole, you can't miss it!'        TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wait, there's a grizzly bear hole?'        JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yes, but you'll never see a rat use it!'              > Mrs. Hen fluttered across       > the henyard with her head thrust forward,               JOEL: o/` She clucks right in ... o/`              > to give her       > meddlesome neighbor a number of hard pecks and so teach her       > to mind her own affairs.               TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] '*Now* am I a woman of scandalous virtue or what?'              >       > With a low chuckle               JOEL: A low dishonest chuckle.              > Grumpy Weasel slipped inside the       > henhouse,               TOM: Whoops!        CROW: THUD!              > where he found himself quite alone.               JOEL: Apart from that Henry Bemis guy.              > It took him but       > a few moments to discover in one corner of the building the       > old rat hole of which Mrs. Hen had spoken.               TOM: He's going to dare the Ninja Turtles to a race and grab Splinter.              >       > And then he went to the door and looked out,               CROW: Look out!       [ ALL duck ]              > for Mrs.       > Hen and her neighbor were making a terrific racket.               TOM: Oh, they must really like playing tennis together!              > He saw       > the end of the squabble. And soon Mrs. Hen came running back,       > with her feathers sadly rumpled, and her comb awry.               JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yeah so we've got yetis and they're not nice.'              >       > "I settled with her," she gasped. "And now tell me       > about the rat hole.               CROW: What, with your comb awry like that?                     [continued in next message]              --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05        * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)    |
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