XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       XVIII   
      
    CROW: Prequel to the prequel to XXX: Ecks versus Sever.   
      
   >   
   >       POP! GOES THE WEASEL   
      
     TOM: Out east they say 'Soda! goes the weasel.'   
      
   >   
   >       There were many things that did not please Grumpy   
   > Weasel   
      
    JOEL: So be gone with them!   
      
   >       ---things that almost any one else would have liked.   
      
    CROW: How do we count Fatty Raccoon's likability?   
      
   > For instance, there was music.   
      
     TOM: [ Singing 'Til There Was You ] o/` And wonderful roses o/`   
      
   >                                The Pleasant Valley Singing   
   > Society,   
      
    CROW: Aren't they the people Cherry Trail keeps doing garden stuff for?   
      
   >          to which most of the bird people belonged,   
      
     TOM: What, Twitter?   
      
   >                                                     did not   
   > number Grumpy Weasel among its admirers.   
      
    CROW: They're hoping he supports them on Patreon, though.   
      
   >                                           He never cared to   
   > hear a bird sing---not even Jolly Robin's cousin the Hermit,   
      
    JOEL: They've got a lovely daughter ...   
      
   > who was one of the most beautiful singers in the woods. And   
   > as for Buddy Brown Thrasher,   
      
     TOM: Death metal comes to the Pleasant Valley!   
      
   >                              whom most people thought a   
   > brilliant performer, Grumpy Weasel always groaned whenever he   
   > heard him singing in the topmost branches of a tree.   
      
    CROW: When he sung in a bush, that was different.   
      
   >   
   >       A bird-song---according to Grumpy Weasel---   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy, giving a report ] 'Webster's Dictionary defines birdsong   
   as the song of one or more birds.'   
    JOEL: Webster wasn't working hard the day he filled out the 'birdsong' card.   
      
   >                                                  was of use   
   > in only one way: it told you where the bird was.   
      
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Oh!  Well, that's two ways, then.'   
      
   >                                                   And that was   
   > a help, of course, if you were trying to catch him.   
      
    JOEL: To catch a bird, it helps to think like a bird ... hey, seed!   
      
   >   
   >       Nor did the musical Frog family's nightly concerts   
      
     TOM: To a sold-out arena!   
      
   > have much charm for Grumpy, though he did admit that some of   
   > their songs were not so bad as others.   
      
    JOEL: The closer they get to that Lesley Gore sound the better for him.   
      
   >   
   >       "I can stand it now and then," he said, "to hear a   
   > good, glum croaking, provided there are plenty of discords."   
      
    CROW: Grumpy's a huge fan of the 7-chord.   
      
   >   
   >       Naturally, knowing how he felt, Grumpy Weasel's   
   > neighbors never invited him to listen to their concerts.   
      
     TOM: Sounds like a problem solved, then.   
      
   >                                                          On   
   > the contrary they usually asked him please to go away, if he   
   > happened to come along.   
      
    JOEL: It only hurt when they started inviting him over so they can leave.   
      
   >                         Certainly nobody could sing his best,   
   > with such a listener.   
      
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Well how good do you expect me to listen with such   
   singing?'   
      
   >   
   >       As a rule Grumpy Weasel was glad to go on about his   
   > business,   
      
     TOM: Mankind was your business!   
      
   >           though to be sure he hated to oblige anybody.   
      
    CROW: Has Grumpy considered passive-aggression?   
    JOEL: Oh, he's thought about it but he probably wouldn't do it nearly well   
   enough to annoy.   
      
   >                                                         But   
   > one day he stopped and scolded at the top of his voice when   
   > he came upon the Woodchuck brothers whistling in the pasture.   
      
     TOM: How were the Whistling Woodchuck Brothers not a regular blackout gag on   
   _The Muppet Show_?   
      
   >   
   >       Their whistles quavered a bit when they noticed who   
   > was present.   
      
    JOEL: [ Whistling 'Sidewalks of New York', but after a few bars breaking it   
   off to a questioning tone. ]   
      
   >              And they moved a little nearer their front door,   
   > in order to dodge out of sight if need be.   
      
     TOM: They hope to fool Grumpy into thinking the door was whistling.   
      
   >                                            Although Grumpy   
   > Weasel might follow them, there was a back door they could   
   > rush out of.   
      
    CROW: Won't they be surprised when Grumpy runs in the back door?   
      
   >              And since they knew their way about their   
   > underground halls better than he did they did not worry   
   > greatly.   
      
    JOEL: They know every speakeasy, pool joint, and crooked pinball parlor in   
   the Bowery.   
      
   >   
   >       "We're sorry---"   
      
    CROW: But your mauling has been disconnected.   
      
   >                        said the biggest brother, who was   
   > called Billy Woodchuck---"we're sorry you don't like our   
   > music.   
      
     TOM: Would you like a coupon good for two musics?   
      
   >        And we'd like to know what's the matter with it; for   
   > we always strive to please."   
      
    JOEL: They're very professional, I bet they make it big someday.   
      
   >   
   >       "It's not so much the way you whistle," Grumpy   
   > snarled, "though your whistling is bad enough, it's so   
   > cheerful.   
      
    CROW: [ As Billy ] What if we're doing it while shivering in our shoes?   
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] You don't wear shoes!   
      
   >           What I find fault with especially is the tune. It's   
   > insulting to me. And you can't deny it."   
      
    JOEL: [ As Billy ] What's so insulting about I Don't Like Weasels?  Oh, now I   
   say it out loud I hear it.   
      
   >   
   >       Well, the Woodchuck brothers looked at one another in   
   > a puzzled fashion.   
      
     TOM: They're stumped by today's Woodchuck Wordle.   
    CROW: It's 'WHEEP'!  It's always 'WHEEP'!   
      
   >   
   >       "Never again let me hear you whistling, 'Pop! Goes   
   > the Weasel,'" Grumpy warned them.   
      
     TOM: Got it, only sing it a capella from now on.   
      
   >                                   That was the name of the   
   > Woodchuck brothers' favorite air,   
      
    JOEL: Huh.  Well, my favorite air is four parts nitrogen to one oxygen but   
   hey, you like what you like.   
      
   >                                   and the one they could   
   > whistle best. And any one could see that they were quite   
   > upset.   
      
    CROW: [ As Billy ] Would you like to race to the finish of the song?   
      
   >   
   >       "Why don't you like that tune?" Billy Woodchuck asked   
   > Grumpy Weasel politely.   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] I was cheated out of the royalties.   
      
   >   
   >       "It's that word 'pop,'" Grumpy said.   
      
    CROW: Oh, he's not into pop music.   
      
   >                                            "It reminds me   
   > of a pop-gun. And a pop-gun reminds me of a real gun. And   
   > that's something I don't want to think about."   
      
     TOM: He's making a good case, have to give him that.   
      
   >   
   >       Well, the Woodchuck brothers looked at one another   
   > again. But this time they smiled.   
      
    JOEL: [ Billy, as Leo Gorcey ] Give 'em the ol' Routine 29!   
     TOM: [ As Huntz Hall ] Ooh!  Ooh!  Right, chief!   
      
   >   
   >       "You've misunderstood," Billy Woodchuck told Grumpy   
   > Weasel. "This is a different kind of pop.   
      
    CROW: Technically it's a sort of ginger beer.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)