XPost: alt.startrek, alt.tv.star-trek, alt.tv.star-trek.enterprise
From: spam@wonderful.spam
{Had to post it, bt hope it doesn't start another one of "those"
threads}
Differences Between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek"
"Star Trek" geeks are 30 percent smarter, but "Star Wars" geeks have a
28-percent better chance of getting laid.
"Star Trek": "... where no man has gone before."
"Star Wars": Where has Hamill's career gone?
"Star Trek": Reroute the plasma inverters from the warp drive through
the main deflector grid after reversing phase polarity on the pattern
buffers.
"Star Wars": Use the Force.
"Star Trek": briefs.
"Star Wars": boxers (except for Yoda, who is notorious for going
commando).
About $5 billion and a buttload of talent.
Borg: cube.
Death Star: sphere.
Fans of both: square.
Both have fan-favorite characters with pointy ears, but nothing in
Spock's repertoire can bed female groupies quite like, "Pork you, I
will, yes!"
Capt. Solo got Leia.
Capt. Kirk got laid.
Kirk didn't care what it smelled like -- he went in there anyway.
No sophomoric "Star Wars" jokes about circling Uranus in search of
Klingons.
The "Star Trek" creator would likely abhor commercialization of the
series.
The "Star Wars" creator commercialized the series like a whore.
Wookiees never allowed to join the Federation of Planets due to their
stubborn refusal to wear pants.
"Star Trek" androids are noticeably less effete.
"Star Trek": Diversity achieved by insultingly fake Scottish and
Russian accents.
"Star Wars": Diversity achieved by insultingly real British and
American accents.
"Star Wars" alien created by multimillion dollar special effects crew.
"Star Trek" alien created by stick-on ears and eyebrow shaping.
"Star Wars": Muppets as aliens.
"Star Trek": humans with bumpy foreheads as aliens.
"Star Wars": three good movies.
"Star Trek": three good seasons.
Dude! "Wars" is a long time ago and far away! "Trek" is right here in
the future! Gosh!
Duh! One is a series of shows where individual courage and group
friendship overcome impossible odds and save the day and the other
isn't.
In "Star Trek," the "Force" is shorthand for what keeps Shatner's
toupee in place.
Kirk never knocked up anyone, alien or otherwise, and he certainly
never had the hots for his own sister.
Kirk-Spock homoeroticism more overt than that of Vader and Solo.
Ships in "Star Wars" don't use a realistic power source like dilithium
crystals.
The "Star Wars" role-playing game requires two dice, where the "Star
Trek" role-playing game... What the hell am I saying? Neither holds a
candle to the "Lord of the Rings" game!
The green-skinned dancing girls in "Star Wars" have tentacles on their
heads.
The only lightsaber in "Star Trek" was in Shatner's pants.
Tribbles don't even scratch the surface of annoyance created by Jar
Jar Binks.
Unlike phasers, lightsabers don't have any sissy "stun" setting.
Vader: "I am your father."
Kirk: "Am... I... your... father?"
William Shatner, rugged hero of "Star Trek," parlayed his success into
a sweet deal as a spokesperson for an online travel discount service.
What have *you* done, Harrison Ford?
Yoda's odd syntax was intentional. Kirk's just meant that Shatner was
butchering his lines again.
"Star Trek": cardboard sets.
"Star Wars": cardboard actors.
"Star Trek" fans sit in front of televisions watching reruns.
"Star Wars" fans sit in front of theaters that won't even be showing
the film.
Darth Vader needs the Force to make people gag.
William Shatner merely acts.
Some Trekkies are now old enough to have moved from their parents'
basement to the retirement home basement.
Lots of fans can speak Klingon, but only losers speak Wookiee.
"Trek": The bad guys are thinly disguised non-Americans.
"Wars": The bad guys are thinly disguised Americans.
"Star Wars": buns on the head.
"Star Trek": buns in the uniform.
Luke: "Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or
teleport me off this rock."
C-3PO: "Not really, sir. Time travel and teleportation are more of a
'Trek' thing."
Lightsabers are powered by D cells, while phasers take a 9-volt.
Gene Roddenberry was a legendary pioneer of thought-provoking,
futuristic science fiction.
George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.
Spock puts the TP on so it rolls over the top, whereas Vader likes it
to roll underneath.
Wookiees and Ewoks vs. Tribbles and toupees.
Substantially harder to hand-make a Chewbacca Halloween costume than a
Bones McCoy.
Besides the advantage of no one recognizing you, wearing the
stormtrooper costume keeps that parents'-basement skin pasty white!
"Star Trek": Everybody likes Seven of Nine.
"Star Wars": Nobody likes I of VI, or II of VI for that matter.
Shatner wears a girdle, but Jabba lets it all hang out.
"Star Wars" has the mystical power of the Force to lend gravitas to
the adventure, but "Star Trek" has the mystical power of chicks with
bigger hooters.
"Star Wars": Captain Solo always has a Wookiee at his side.
"Star Trek": Captain Kirk always has nookie on the side.
In one, you live long and prosper. In the other, you live large and
profit.
"Star Wars" fans don't refuse to honor the restraining order if it's
not translated into Klingon.
Captain Kirk always says, "To infinity and beyond!"
Darth Vader always says, "The Force is like a box of chocolates."
If Jar Jar Binks were on "Trek," Scotty would've given him a red shirt
and beamed him down to a hostile planet during the opening credits.
Hard-core "Star Wars" fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic
virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade
lightsabers.
Hard-core "Star Trek" fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic
virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade
tricorders.
Harrison Ford doesn't need to call 911 to ask if he should get his
wife from the bottom of the pool.
and the Number 1 Difference Between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek"...
I have no idea. And that, fanboy, is why *I* am not a virgin.
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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