XPost: alt.startrek, alt.tv.star-trek, alt.tv.star-trek.enterprise   
   From: spam@wonderful.spam   
      
   Style Tips on "Klingon Eye for the Earth Guy"   
      
   Remember, always eat your gahk starting with the dagger furthest from the   
   plate.   
      
   *Manly men* wear braids AND ponytails.   
      
   Key word here is BULK. Body-hugging jumpsuits SCREAM "sissy Earthman."   
      
   Chain mail: GOOD. Spandex: BAD !!   
      
   No occasion is too casual or too formal for black rubber body armor.   
      
   All right -- instead of a heavy sigh, growl deep in your throat.   
      
   NO COMB-OVERS!!   
      
   I don't care what those Terrans told you on "Queer Eye," we're going for a   
   martial effect here, so those frou-frou drapes have simply got to go!   
      
   Earth dudes, the trucker hats have *got* to go.   
      
   No living room is complete without the mounted heads of your enemies.   
      
   Wear a red shirt if you're attending a funeral -- your own.   
      
   You *don't* want to tell a Klingon to "zhoozh" his hair.   
      
   You left the gagh *where*? Earthworm, you simply do not freeze the gagh!!!   
      
   We've never seen a cluttered apartment that two minutes with a bat'leth   
   couldn't fix.   
      
   Cream depilatories are easier and less dangerous than razors for removing   
   the hair in your forehead crevices.   
      
   Good, now butt heads. *Tsk,* you Terrans and your puny skulls.   
      
   If you have no stomach for raw meat, red licorice left stuck between your   
   teeth will achieve a similar appearance.   
      
   No matter what, you need more leather.   
      
   No, no, no, see, if you bring the blade upwards during the disembowelment   
   you get more blood splatter for a nice speckling effect.   
      
   Your refusal to discard overly tight, acid-washed apparel brings shame and   
   dishonor to your ancestors.   
      
   Revenge is a dish best served at a formal, but intimate, dinner party,   
   accompanied by a late-vintage blood wine.   
      
    and the Number 1 Style Tip on "Klingon Eye for the Earth Guy"...   
      
   It is always a good day to dye your hair.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)