XPost: alt.startrek, alt.tv.star-trek, alt.tv.star-trek.enterprise   
   From: spam@wonderful.spam   
      
    Sometimes the characters just don't say what we want them to say. Here's   
   our own dialogue.   
      
      
   Lines We'd Like to Hear in "Star Trek"   
      
   "Open the shuttle bay door, Scotty."   
   "I'm afraid I can't do that, Jim."   
      
   Captain Picard to Commander Riker: "If that damned Lwaxana Troi makes one   
   more pass at me, I swear I'll paste her one!!"   
      
   "Thousands spent for a new nose, higher cheekbones, and thicker lips and I   
   wind up as another friggin' alien under latex."   
      
   "Hey, is anyone taking notes on these missions? It'd be nuts if in about 70   
   years, some other captain thought he was making first contact with all   
   these people."   
      
   "Nice skull ridges. Are you a Klingon, or just happy to see me?"   
      
   "Computer, five to beam down, but the one in the red shirt won't be coming   
   back."   
      
   "Girls, he may be the first handsome space explorer to land on our planet,   
   but he only has one male member, so we'll have to take   
   turns."   
      
   "Ya gotta admire the Borg about one thing. They may strip off half of what   
   makes us human -- but they still leave on the breasts."   
      
   "Beverly, I understand that adolescence is a difficult time for your son,   
   but he simply can't be doing *that* kind of thing in the holodeck."   
      
   "Chekov, I keep telling you, in space no one can hear your cheesy accent!"   
      
   "Is it just me, or do most of our problems start with a holodeck   
   malfunction?"   
      
   "Yeah, I would've thought being lost on the far side of the galaxy without   
   any aid or backup would've been a lot more exciting, too. Go figure."   
      
   "Open your OWN damn hailing frequencies!"   
      
   "Mister Spock, please stop practicing your Vulcan Nerve Pinch on Uhura's   
   perky buttocks."   
      
   "Captain, the tricorder is picking up signs of thinly-veiled social   
   commentary."   
      
   "Why, no, Counselor, my visor *can't* see through a StarFleet uniform.   
   Really. I swear."   
      
   "Shore leave by the beach? Time to get the tribble trimmed."   
      
   "Captain, Wesley's perverted little teenage mind is overpowering any   
   emotions I might be able to feel from our foes. Could you please ask him to   
   stop staring at me?"   
      
   "We Vulcans were taught how to shun emotion by our great teacher, Al Gore."   
      
   "Seven of Nine, your new assignment will be, um, whatever is supposed to be   
   done at that station over there, directly under the cold air vent."   
      
    and the Number 1 Line We'd Like to Hear in "Star Trek"...   
      
   "Captain, I've upgraded the ship's power source to dilithium crystal meth.   
   She'll go twice as fast but only if you wear a purple feathered hat with a   
   faux leopard skin trench coat and beat her twice a week."   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)