From: justisaur@yahoo.com   
      
   On 1/11/2026 9:41 AM, Zaghadka wrote:   
   > On Sun, 11 Jan 2026 11:36:17 -0500, Spalls Hurgenson   
   >  wrote:   
   >   
   >> On Sat, 10 Jan 2026 12:02:02 -0600, Zaghadka    
   >> wrote:   
   >>   
   >>> On Sat, 10 Jan 2026 11:26:27 -0500, Spalls Hurgenson   
   >>>  wrote:   
   >>>   
   >>>> On Fri, 9 Jan 2026 12:56:44 -0800, Justisaur    
   >>>> wrote:   
   >>>>   
   >>>>> On 1/8/2026 7:43 PM, Punga wrote:   
   >>>>>> On 2025-10-22, Mortimer Houghton  wrote:   
   >>>>>>> David Chmelik  writes:   
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>>>> Golstaff, you have entered the door to the North. You are now by   
   yourself,   
   >>>>>>>> standing in a dark room. The pungent smell of mildew emanates from   
   the wet   
   >>>>>>>> dungeon walls.   
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>>> I check for traps, then look to see if there are any hidden doors.   
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>> I check for cheetos.   
   >>>>>   
   >>>>> You find you're a cheeto.   
   >>>>   
   >>>>   
   >>>> CHEETO   
   >>>>    FREQUENCY: 		Common   
   >>>>    NO. APPEARING:	5-50   
   >>>>    ARMOR CLASS: 	10   
   >>>>    MOVE: 		1" (3")   
   >>>>    HIT DICE:		1 -1   
   >>>>    % IN LAIR: 		50%   
   >>>>    TREASURE TYPE:	nil   
   >>>>    NO. OF ATTACKS:	1   
   >>>>    DAMAGE/ATTACK:	nil   
   >>>>    SPECIAL ATTACK:	see below   
   >>>>    MAGIC RESISTANCE:	100%   
   >>>>    INTELLIGENCE:	Semi   
   >>>>    ALIGNMENT:		Chaotic Evil   
   >>>>    SIZE:		S   
   >>>>    PSIONIC ABILITY:	Nil   
   >>>>   
   >>>> The dreaded cheeto (also known as a wotsits) can be found wherever   
   >>>> gamers congregate. It moves very slowly on the ground, but is slightly   
   >>>> faster when airborne. It is extremely vulnerable to physical attack,   
   >>>> being easily crushed underfoot or by any significant impact. However,   
   >>>> it is nearly invulnerable to elemental or magical assaults. It can be   
   >>>> found as often in its lair (a plastic bag) as outside, and often can   
   >>>> be found outside its expected territory; cheetos get everywhere! It's   
   >>>> single attack is to spread orange dust everywhere, forever marking the   
   >>>> victim (or their property) with its indelible orange stain. Given the   
   >>>> numbers that appear, it is often impossible to encounter them without   
   >>>> getting marked. The stain repels members of the opposite sex and   
   >>>> attracts rodents (add +3 to all random encounter rolls). Although only   
   >>>> being of marginal intelligence, the cheeto is purest evil and will do   
   >>>> its best to ruin everyone's day in every (limited) way available to   
   >>>> it.   
   >>>   
   >>> Suggested additions   
   >>> ```````````````````   
   >>> Cheeto dust negates any invisibility effect as Dust of Appearance.   
   >>> Cheetoes have a charming ability that, if a save vs. death is failed,   
   >>> causes the afflicted to seek out more Cheetoes obsessively to the   
   >>> exclusion of any other activity. Dust encrustation becomes unremovable   
   >>> after one week. Remove Curse can cure the afflicted from this obsession.   
   >>> Cheetoes also inflict a powerful disease, High LDL, after 2 weeks of   
   >>> prolonged contact due to the obsession. There is no save for contraction   
   >>> of the disease. Remove Disease will be necessary should persistent   
   >>> contact with the Cheetoes occur. High LDL causes one point of lost   
   >>> CON/week until cured. Lost CON can be restored with a Restoration or   
   >>> Wish/Lmtd Wish spell. At CON zero, the victim suffers Congestive Heart   
   >>> Failure, and only Ressurection will restore such a character, clearing   
   >>> the arteries of the afflicted. Anyone aged old or venerable automatic   
   >>> contracts this disease upon encountering a Cheeto.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >> Coming soon to a D&D game near you: a menagerie of monsters based on   
   >> commonly eaten snacks!   
   >>   
   >> I wonder how many satirical 'monster stat' blocks I have posted to   
   >> Usenet over the years... not as many as I used to, to be sure, but   
   >> back in the day (you know, when Usenet was still a going concern!) it   
   >> was far more common. Somebody would mention a thing and before you   
   >> know it, there'd be a response with stats for said thing.   
   >>   
   >> I'm ashamed to admit that I am so out of practice now that I actually   
   >> had to crack open the Monster Manual to remember all the categories   
   >> required. ;-/   
   >>   
   >> Somebody needs to dig through all the Usenet archives and compile a   
   >> list of all the monsters --satirical or otherwise-- submitted to   
   >> public scrutiny over the years. God knows it can't be any worse than   
   >> the original Fiend Folio ;-)   
   >>   
   > You know, the group is pretty dead. Why don't we both make this a weekly   
   > thing? You take 1e stat blocks and I'll take 3.5e stat blocks. We can do   
   > spells, monsters, mock encounters, whatever. I already have a parody 3.5e   
   > spell ready to go.   
   >   
   > You can't grow a group without compelling content. ;^)   
   >   
   > At the very least, we'll make each other laugh.   
   >   
      
   Isn't this what the "Netbooks" were, or am I misremembering?   
      
   --   
   -Justisaur   
      
     ø-ø   
   (\_/)\   
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   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)