From: khelair@tinfoil.synchro.net.remove-mch-this   
      
   I'm posting this here because I think that it is related to all that activism   
   boils down to; at least the activism that is good, and right.  It's something   
   from my brain's way of handling the heartbreak.  Yet it is the very healing   
   that I allude to in this mental dump that is exactly what the world needs, fro   
   individual, to community, to nation, and up forever.  Or such are my thoughts   
   on the matter.   
      
   To She Who No Longer Loves Me (it may be that it is rightly so; the fact of th   
   matter I do not know)   
      
   With the full onslaught of the brain-weasels, now, it is time to take the   
   medication, as it is prescribed, to shut them down, and ensure a good rest.   
   Tomorrow, I have a lot of writing to do; and a lot of planning, as well. The   
   next day comes the retrieval of my cat, if possible; if he's not already dead,   
   from the care that was taken with him, and the promise that was broken to me.   
      
   Why do people ever settle for thinking that they know best, when other lives   
   are at stake? I'm talking about my cat, but also about humans. Some that have   
   no choice in where they are at, or the environment in which they are shaped.   
   Why? Why not ask for help, sort through it, to make sure it makes sense, and   
   isn't somebody with an ulterior motive, and if it helps you, use it? We all   
   have blind spots; to pretend that they are not there is to be less than   
   self-aware.   
      
   I am so sorry that I was not the doctor. I will be okay. Dear god, I hope that   
   you will, too. I will try to go forth and only heal. I will use more care in   
   doing so, and I will not push, when I see the ice in the eye. In fact, the nex   
   time I see the ice in the eye, about me, I'm turning the other fucking way.   
   It's a defense mechanism that shuts off feeling all together, and reacts   
   violently, against outside influence, in order to protect the fragile lies   
   inside. All it would take is pulling the gauze of those lies apart, and many,   
   many motherfucking tears . . . Then your life might find true happiness, trust   
   and love, once again. You did not pull that trigger. In order to go on, you   
   must learn that the cold defense that you learned, when people mistreated you   
   so badly, might not be the best defense any more. It worked; it protected you,   
   it got you this far. Now, though, if you want to pass on love, and happiness,   
   to the others around you (even if you don't believe you deserve it yourself),   
   you need to learn to put that shield down again, and feel; look where it hurts   
   to pull out the infection, before it goes septic. You do deserve that love,   
   happiness, and peace. It's just waiting on the other side of those tears. I   
   wish I could have cried them with you.   
      
       -Damon   
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    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)