From: usteen@asdf.fi   
      
   Let's return to the Bristol Stool Scale.   
     To help you classify the form of your poo, we look at each step along   
   the continuum.   
     (Alternates for a couple of these are at the bottom.  Thoughts are   
   welcome.)   
      
   - - - - -   
      
   * Type 1:   
       Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)   
       = Strain rump lots.  Shake.  Shed tears.  Applaud.   
      
   * Type 2:   
       Sausage-shaped, but lumpy   
       = Buy salads.  Push!  Gape, mute.   
      
   * Type 3:   
       Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface   
       = Classic cue: our breakfast awakes shit in gut   
      
   * Type 4:   
       Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft   
       = Makes a sad nine-flush task. Arse-goo too.   
      
   * Type 5:   
       Soft blobs with clear cut edges (easy to pass)   
       = Sit so a body sculpts log-free waste batches   
      
   * Type 6:   
       Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool   
       = Sadly, get to wipe fudgy faeces.  Flush.  More...  Sigh.   
      
   * Type 7:   
       Watery, no solid pieces, entirely liquid   
       = Yield especially dire squirt in two, one, ...!   
      
   - - - - -   
   Alternate for Type 1:   
     Take Pruust, or a nap.  Shed tears.  Mild splash.   
      
   Alternate for Type 2:   
     Assault by huge ape's dump...   
      
   Alternate for Type 6:   
     Slight gut-aches?  Sadly, yes.  Wipe more fudge off.   
      
   Alternates for Type 7:   
     In WC?  Lid open?  So, squirt!   Eye trail, eye lid, ...   
     Need yields epic squirty trail in loo. Ew!   
      
      
   --   
   A n n a  S h e f l  - For email, substitute 'usenet' for its anagram   
     - "Never eat more than you can lift."  --Miss Piggy -   
     alt.anagrams FAQ:  http://theanna.org/grams/   
       Weird news archive and more:  http://theanna.org/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)