5725467c   
   XPost: alt.philosophy, misc.survivalism, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh   
   XPost: alt.conspiracy   
   From: reanimater_2000@yahoo.com   
      
   BLACKSBURG, Virginia A small community in Virginia mourns as a man   
   dies after having sex with his revolver. One of his friend, seen   
   bawling at his funeral, moans with tear-filled eyes in front of a   
   reporter mumbling hysterically, "He was as close to his gun as a   
   Jewish man is to his mother. The two were inseparable, they laughed   
   together, they went biking with one another on long trips, they even   
   slept together spooning one another affectionately. How could this   
   tragedy have happened?" The gun who killed his owner was as distraught   
   as his friends. When questioned by a reporter how this happened, the   
   gun said in a very stolid tone, "I am as aggrieved as the community by   
   the death of my dear lover, we had such a good relationship but I took   
   it too far." The gun then quickly fled to escape the cascade of   
   reporters descending upon him like a waterfall. Reportedly the man was   
   performing oral sex on the gun when the gun became "too excited" and   
   literally "exploded prematurely" in the man's mouth. His mother was   
   heckled by fundamentalist anti-gun nut cases who insisted that such a   
   close relationship between a man and another gun is unnatural and   
   against God's plans, but he defended his son's choice by saying, "My   
   son is a good man who happens to have a sexual attraction to firearms.   
   Being that the two behaved so tenderly towards one another you can't   
   judge their relationship using such Christian morality."   
      
   This recent death between a gun and his lover has reignited the debate   
   on whether the United States should condone sexual relationship   
   between a man and his firearm. Advocates point to the Second Amendment   
   that the Constitution states that "A well regulated Militia, being   
   necessary to the security of a free State, the right of men to have   
   hot gay sex with their guns, shall not be infringed." A spokesman of   
   the NRA has come out with the official statement that "People who have   
   sex with guns don't kill people, they just kill themselves." However   
   this statement does not placate critics who vocally declare that "any   
   measure will be taken to prevent such a tragedy from happening, and   
   kill anyone opposing us. Allahu Akbar!" Despite the controversy   
   boiling on this subject, it must be noted that a man can have safe sex   
   with any firearm of his choice if certain precautions are taken. A   
   kevlar condom sheathing the barrel of the gun can prevent death,   
   especially if the man cannot pull the gun quickly out of him before   
   the gun shoots its load. In addition, the man should also be taking   
   oral contraceptives or wear some sort of diaphragm made of kevlar to   
   further decrease the risk of pregnancy, and giving birth to some sort   
   of monstrous hybrid half-man half-gun. Taking these simple steps   
   should have prevented such a tragedy of having to explain to friends   
   at a dinner party that your son died while having a sordid   
   relationship with a piece of metal.   
      
   http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/UnNews:Man_dies_after_having_   
   ex_with_his_gun   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)