8144328d   
   5725467c   
   XPost: alt.philosophy, misc.survivalism, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh   
   XPost: alt.conspiracy   
   From: joeturn2000@yahoo.com   
      
   On May 4, 8:38 pm, Immortalist  wrote:   
   > BLACKSBURG, Virginia A small community in Virginia mourns as a man   
   > dies after having sex with his revolver. One of his friend, seen   
   > bawling at his funeral, moans with tear-filled eyes in front of a   
   > reporter mumbling hysterically, "He was as close to his gun as a   
   > Jewish man is to his mother. The two were inseparable, they laughed   
   > together, they went biking with one another on long trips, they even   
   > slept together spooning one another affectionately. How could this   
   > tragedy have happened?" The gun who killed his owner was as distraught   
   > as his friends. When questioned by a reporter how this happened, the   
   > gun said in a very stolid tone, "I am as aggrieved as the community by   
   > the death of my dear lover, we had such a good relationship but I took   
   > it too far." The gun then quickly fled to escape the cascade of   
   > reporters descending upon him like a waterfall. Reportedly the man was   
   > performing oral sex on the gun when the gun became "too excited" and   
   > literally "exploded prematurely" in the man's mouth. His mother was   
   > heckled by fundamentalist anti-gun nut cases who insisted that such a   
   > close relationship between a man and another gun is unnatural and   
   > against God's plans, but he defended his son's choice by saying, "My   
   > son is a good man who happens to have a sexual attraction to firearms.   
   > Being that the two behaved so tenderly towards one another you can't   
   > judge their relationship using such Christian morality."   
   >   
   > This recent death between a gun and his lover has reignited the debate   
   > on whether the United States should condone sexual relationship   
   > between a man and his firearm. Advocates point to the Second Amendment   
   > that the Constitution states that "A well regulated Militia, being   
   > necessary to the security of a free State, the right of men to have   
   > hot gay sex with their guns, shall not be infringed." A spokesman of   
   > the NRA has come out with the official statement that "People who have   
   > sex with guns don't kill people, they just kill themselves." However   
   > this statement does not placate critics who vocally declare that "any   
   > measure will be taken to prevent such a tragedy from happening, and   
   > kill anyone opposing us. Allahu Akbar!" Despite the controversy   
   > boiling on this subject, it must be noted that a man can have safe sex   
   > with any firearm of his choice if certain precautions are taken. A   
   > kevlar condom sheathing the barrel of the gun can prevent death,   
   > especially if the man cannot pull the gun quickly out of him before   
   > the gun shoots its load. In addition, the man should also be taking   
   > oral contraceptives or wear some sort of diaphragm made of kevlar to   
   > further decrease the risk of pregnancy, and giving birth to some sort   
   > of monstrous hybrid half-man half-gun. Taking these simple steps   
   > should have prevented such a tragedy of having to explain to friends   
   > at a dinner party that your son died while having a sordid   
   > relationship with a piece of metal.   
   >   
   > http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/UnNews:Man_dies_after_having_sex_w...   
      
   So he finally sucked(got) his gun off!   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)