XPost: soc.support.fat-acceptance, alt.sports.football.pro.ne-patriots   
   From: squish@Use-Author-Supplied-Address.invalid   
      
   The Mythology of Obesity tells us that sex with a fat partner is either   
   fruitless or impossible. It's a prejudice that crosses all boundaries of   
   race, class, education, and physique: you're as likely to encounter it in   
   a gynecologist's office as in the pages of The National Lampoon.   
      
   In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety than   
   adiposity. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner's   
   expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most   
   common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbor   
   feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to   
   stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual   
   performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems.   
      
   "Frequently, for instance" reveals Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology   
   Today, "neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its   
   potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as   
   the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether   
   his partner is ready. Such couples genuinely wonder why the wife does not   
   reach orgasm."   
      
   Fat people suffer all these problems in spades. The social pressures they   
   endure create numerous obstacles to sexual interaction. The most direct   
   effect comes from dieting: prolonged semistarvation can seriously dampen   
   the libido, and a woman who is losing weight can experience a disruption   
   of her normal menstrual cycle. Indirect effects of prejudice include a   
   lack of opportunity, a history of rejection, and a negative body image.   
      
   "Some obese woman, fearful of competing for a man's interest, avoid   
   interpersonal encounters and disparage males in general," writes Dr.   
   Barbara E. Bess in the journal Consultant. "Once involved in a   
   relationship, they doubt the partner's sincerity." Self-hatred manifests   
   itself in a number of anti-erotic behaviors. "Some women are reluctant to   
   act seductively for fear of rejection and ridicule. Young women ...   
   express the desire to look 'sexy' and wear seductive clothes, but fear   
   that men in particular will think them grotesque. ... Many obese persons   
   attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their   
   clothes on during sexual intimacy."   
      
   Shelley Bovey found similar body- and self-image problems among fat women   
   in Britain:   
      
   The concept of being sexually undesirable because of their weight figured   
   strongly in the majority of the interviews I conducted with large women.   
   Apart from agonizing experiences of rejection, I discovered a lowering of   
   expectations. Women felt they were risking too much rejection by even   
   contemplating a relationship with the sort of man they wanted. ... This is   
   a circular situation which can only be broken by women acquiring self-   
   esteem and confidence in their sexuality. While they are prepared to   
   accept second best­p;whatever that may mean for them­p;those   
   arrogant men who talked about going on 'mercy missions' will continue to   
   claim their place in sexual politics. If women cannot believe they deserve   
   more, then sex for them will be like 'squirting jam into a doughnut.' as   
   Germaine Greer so graphically put it...   
      
   Fat men have even less opportunity for sexual interaction. "Despite   
   changing social and sexual mores," notes Dr. Bess, "men still are presumed   
   to be the sexual initiators, and such fat men are inhibited from   
   approaching woman by the fear of rejection. This reticence can lead to   
   social and sexual isolation." As for the FA, fear of rejection combined   
   with a general fear of being labeled "different" may keep him out of the   
   sexual arena for many years. Instead of going through the grope-and-fumble   
   stage in adolescence, he has to do it as an adult. Thus, the average FA   
   displays all the sophistication and tact of the Festrunk brothers.   
      
   Taken together, these social side-effects mean that the average fat man or   
   woman tends to be somewhat sexually retarded, though perfectly capable of   
   catching up with their thinner peers if the right situation presents   
   itself. Dr. Bess marvels at the resiliency of fat women. Despite all the   
   degradation and rejection they have suffered, she finds them "eager to   
   enter into sexual relationships if initiated by men who are affirming,   
   reassuring, and accepting." Most fat people, she finds, develop a normal   
   sex life in spite of all society can do to prevent them. Among the more   
   notable findings she culls from the recent literature are these:   
      
   The sexual functioning of the hyperobese falls within the normal range.   
   Few had problems with sexual performance or libido.   
      
   For married obese persons, sex is an important source of pleasure.   
      
   Single obese persons have a normal interest in sex, but have less   
   opportunity to find sexual partners who consider them sexually attractive,   
   due to the negative cultural bias. Limited sexual opportunity, rather than   
   lack of desire, is their real problem.   
      
   Obese persons who are not able to attract sexual partners engage in normal   
   autoerotic masturbatory activity.   
      
   Some fat persons are extremely active sexually, in both desire and   
   practice, and can be stimulating­p; and stimulated - sexual partners.   
      
   ... Thus some obese persons actually may be more sexually active than   
   their nonobese counterparts.   
      
   Hyperobese persons display great ingenuity in finding comfortable sexual   
   positions, thus minimizing the potential obstacles due to their great   
   size.   
      
      
   But let us suppose that you've found the right partner and you've found   
   the right attitude, but you just can't seem to find the right position.   
   Even Dr. Bess isn't much help here. "Although very few such persons are   
   unable to consummate the act," she writes, "this is sometimes the case,   
   especially when both partners are massively obese. Having the less heavy   
   partner assume the upper position facilitates intercourse for many such   
   couples, but suitable positioning is an individual matter best worked out   
   by the persons involved."   
      
   This is about as much useful advice as you're likely to get from even the   
   most well-informed physician. What doctors don't know about fat people and   
   sex could fill an encyclopedia. I testify from experience. It is   
   frightening to be asked, by a man with eight diplomas on his wall, if you   
   have ever "achieved penetration" with your wife.   
      
   In an effort to dispel such ignorance, I've undertaken an exhaustive   
   search of the literature on fat sex. I find that those authorities who   
   have taken the trouble to investigate the matter report that obesity is   
   rarely, if ever, a barrier to intercourse. Fat is never stored in the   
   penis, nor does it choke off access to the ovaries (as Hippocrates taught,   
   and generations of physicians believed). In fact, the human body is   
   remarkably well-designed for storing fat in large quantities. Mother   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)