From: COMBASS@GOOP.COM   
      
   'First of all ah would like to sah dat it is a pleasure to be here and ah   
   would *not* ha' bin here an putting de well known oil o' gladness on mah   
   head and washin' kids feet if de curate o' mah parish in Uganda hadn't given   
   me a bahcycle to come to recieve education and benediction all dem years ago   
   you people got a notion to come to Africa and give us bahble! And I want to   
   sah to you all dat your fancy pants people what is rich enuff to say dat   
   dere ain't no mah god only Pretta Manger you got one almahty shock comin'   
   from me!   
    Dere weren't too much wrong wid de British Empah and ah see dem BBC cameras   
   up dere, yes ah talking to *you*! You kids think you big and clever wid yer   
   Wirelesshead reco'din's and yer Ecstasy Holsten Pils and your le's pretend   
   dere ain't no bad things in Africa except de piff helmet in de closet o'   
   colonialism attitude! Widdout colonialism ah would not had mah bahcycle   
   remember and ah would not be here now to enjoy dat fahne fahne display of   
   tribal dancin' - ah would say dat dancin' get get a bit too much on de   
   herotic sahde for me!   
    Some people sah dat' on de contrah it was de well known British Empah what   
   cauzed Idi Amin - who kicked me out of Ugandah - to be Idi Amin. But wiv mah   
   extensive knowledge o'humanity ah can accuratley sah dat Mistah Amin woulda   
   been a bullyin', murderin, wife-eating dictator what killed half a million   
   people if he hadn't ah bin in de Eas' African rahfles; he just hadda bit o'   
   stahle because of it! Ah remember him when he was the Kampala Boxin'   
   Champeen in de 50s. He hadda a right hook to be contended wiv.   
    Some silly people sayin' dat England be racis'. Dese people, like de well   
   known Yasmin Allahbah Brown and Poly Townhouse (dat gal need gahdance!) in   
   de Gardyen sayin' all sorta thing lahbelling de good old English and ah am   
   going to be puttin' ah stop to it if ah can! O'course England ain't racis' -   
   what would ah be doin' on dis platform takin' on dis' job if it *was*?   
    Ah notice the BBC gettin' quite excited about me gettin' dis job which   
   amuse me mainly cos' dey is down on Christianity and up on almos' anyfin'   
   else dey can lay dere hands on, which include de well known Iz-lamb! Funny   
   how bein' foreign make de BBC fall in love wid yah! And also, and yes Mistah   
   Dimbles sittin' up dere in de talking bax ah is lookin' at you! Ah would   
   like to know why ah is a news ahtem today and *not* when ah put de worl' to   
   rights las' week in de Times and said dat multiculturalism had done England   
   and its history a bad googly and dat people should pack dis sixthform   
   nonsense *up*! Ah wasn't BBC news den was ah Mistah Dimbles? No!   
    Finally ah must say dat dere mus' be lessa dis coco shuntin' goin' on.   
   Batty men like dressing up and larkin' but dis here church ain't no   
   *parteh!* Ah is intendin' to make mah message loud and cleeah! We do not   
   want dis' church lookin' like sum kwango run by Hah-Commissionah Mandelson!   
   Dis be real religion mah brothers and dat is going to make a lot of people   
   lose colour in dere faces!'   
      
   ROBBIE   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)