From: alanb@sonic.net   
      
   in article pagemail-C8C15E.14565313022007@iruka.swcp.com, Crowfoot at   
   pagemail@swcp.com wrote on 2/13/07 1:56 PM:   
      
   > How do you think the tantrum can be handled "right"?   
      
      
   There is basically just one black and white way to get the tempertantrum   
   right.   
      
   There are about 1 million colorfull ways to get the tempertantrum wrong.   
      
   IMO ... big time on this.   
      
   Sooooooo ....   
      
   Here is Tommy Tempertantrum.   
      
   He wakes up, having a bad day, hormones raging, headache happening, growing   
   spurting blooming ... having a necessary tempertantrum that is important to   
   have.   
      
   Mom comes in to get Tommy in cloths ... asks if he wants to go swimming with   
   Dad and brother at noon.   
      
   "NO" ... I hate you guys, leave me alone.   
      
   Well mom is cool, no judgement, no expectations, no shame, no criticism ...   
   just that the oatmeal for breakfast is on the way ... please get up and come   
   to breakfast.  The fight is over for this mom right away ... she has already   
   won the war.   
      
   She calls up a babysiter ... when noon time comes along ... Tommy is still   
   upset ... he wants to go swimming now.  He is being left out - oh how   
   horrible life is to him.   
      
   Tommy is told that he is well taken care of by mom, he did not want to go   
   swimming this morning when invited, now go take the afternoon off ... this   
   is a tempertantrum you are having.   Its a bad day right now ... we are   
   going swimming ... there is a dinner invitation ... please accept that party   
   time this evening with us if you would.   
      
   So Tommy gets his way ... the parent objects are doing everything right ...   
   Tommy is furious ... all upset he did not get his parents to roll and do his   
   way or the highway.  He in time realizes this is a self inflicted wound.   
   That his parents are cool, wonderfull, conscious, and boy does he admire   
   them for being so considerate.  That comes in time ... in treating the child   
   with what I would call utmost care.   
      
   With fighting with the child, abusing the tempertantrum, doing triangulation   
   where wife has to get husband to tell son the baby sitter is there to take   
   good care of them ... etc .. .it is all here.   
      
   What ever tempertantrum game you can see or think of ... DONT SEE ME ...   
   DONT TALK TO ME ... GO AWAY.  It is endless and colorfull what parents can   
   do to a child in their growing ... and having a tempertantrum .. that is all   
   about spiritual growth and growing up ... emotionally maturing.   
      
   Taking the pain of the tempertantrum and putting love in to it ... mom and   
   dad putting that love into the pain ... the hurt ... with all that   
   consciousness.  Refusing to live in fear, doing the work of living in love.   
      
   Child gets it imprinted thusly ..  with their bonding in the defense   
   structure .. all GIGO.  Good in ... Good out.  Garbage in ... Garbage out.   
      
   How a person clears out the PTSD issues in the tempertantrum that is frozen   
   emotion ... is melting it ... and letting the hurt, the pain out of the body   
   .. the muscle memory.  The freeze response of sympathic nervous system   
   dominance.  Hot yoga, traditional accupuncture, massage, ice, streatching,   
   changing the emotional bathwater from fear to love.   
      
   All the stuff you did not get as a child ... you have to get yourself or   
   mirrored to you from friends who love you.   
      
   Best I can do to address that question about tempertantrums and how to best   
   serve them with love, consciousness and understanding.  Not play their games   
   of time and treasure, sex games, property games ... all the pouting things   
   little boys and girls do when they grow up and are stuck in their   
   tempertantrum ... honking horns, speeding, sticking fuck you fingers in the   
   air ... it goes on and on ... don't it.  They really hate their moms and   
   their dads inside.  Their moms and dads did not handle their tempertantrum   
   right.  They were immature them selves ... stuck in a tempertantrum.   
      
   And so it goes ...   
      
   until some one changes ... and it goes better.   
      
   and so it goes better then ... and not goes worse.   
      
   creating their fears into their futures .. they are now creating their loves   
   into their futures.   
      
   much better to my reckoning.   
      
   all my best ... always.   
      
   Alan   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)