From: alanb@sonic.net   
      
   INSTALLING A HUSBAND   
      
   Dear Tech Support,   
      
   Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a   
   distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower   
   and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.   
      
   In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as   
    Romance 9.5 and  Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable   
   programs such as   
      
   NBA 5.0,   
   NFL 3.0 and   
   Golf Clubs 4.1.   
      
   Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the   
   system.   
      
   Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but   
   to no avail.   
      
   What can I do?   
      
   Signed,   
      
   Desperate.   
      
   //////   
      
   DEAR DESPERATE,   
      
   First, keep in mind,   
    Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while  Husband 1.0 is an   
   operating system.   
      
   Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears   
   6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.   
   If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then   
   automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.   
      
   However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to   
   default to   
      
   Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.   
   Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download   
   the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.   
      
   Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law   
   1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of   
   all your system resources.)   
      
   In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program.   
   This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.   
      
   In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory   
   and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying   
   additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend   
   Cooking 3.0 and   
   Hot Lingerie 7.7.   
      
   Good Luck!   
      
   Tech Support   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)