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From: editor@latimes.com
In article
wrote:
>
> Every liberal is a narcissist. There are no exceptions.
>
Good parenting requires empathy, compassion and the willingness
to make some of your needs secondary — essentially, many of the
traits that you wouldn’t find in a narcissist.
But as a psychologist who studies the impacts of narcissism in
family relationships, I’ve noticed that many narcissist traits,
such as grandiosity, superiority and entitlement, are on the
rise.
Narcissistic parenting isn’t about bragging on social media or
forcing rigorous extracurricular activities on your kids. It
goes a lot deeper, and it’s one of the most toxic ways to raise
your kids. Narcissistic parents have a hard time allowing their
kids to become their own person, or have their own needs met.
You might know a narcissistic parent and not realize it. Here
are the common signs:
1. They see their child as a source of validation.
Narcissists will often loudly flaunt their children when they
score the winning goal or get the big part in the school play.
You might see them constantly bragging online or bringing up
their child’s beauty or talent in conversation.
Unless something involves their child’s achievements, the parent
is checked out, detached and disinterested in their child. They
generally shame their child’s need for connection or validation,
and instead see them as a tool to fulfill those needs for
themselves.
2. They are emotionally reactive, but shame their child’s
emotions.
Narcissists are often angry and aggressive when they feel
disappointed or frustrated. If they believe their child is being
critical or defiant, they can lash out. These reactions can
manifest as screaming, sudden bouts of rage or, in more severe
cases, physical violence.
Meanwhile, the emotions of others can make narcissistic people
uncomfortable and they may have contempt for them. They may
shame their child into not sharing their emotions at all with
phrases like, “Get over yourself, it wasn’t that big of a deal,”
or, “Stop crying and toughen up.”
3. They always put their own needs first.
Sometimes adults need to put real-world issues first — maybe a
late shift can’t be avoided or chores will take up an entire
afternoon. But narcissistic parents expect their children to
make sacrifices so that they can do or have whatever they want.
For example, if the parent likes sailing, then their children
must go sailing every weekend. Or if the parent has a standing
tennis game, then the parent will never miss it, even for
something important like a graduation ceremony.
4. They have poor boundaries.
Narcissistic parents can be quite intrusive. When they don’t
feel like it, they won’t interact with the child. But when they
want the child to validate them, they may feel they can
interrupt their child’s and ask them to do whatever they want to
do.
They may ask probing questions or be critical of their child in
a way that feels intrusive as well, such as commenting on
weight, appearance or other attributes that leave the child
feeling self-conscious.
5. They play favorites.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or
playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they
compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about
another child in the family.
This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and
psychologically unsafe. They may believe that they need to go
along with or impress the narcissistic parent to avoid their
wrath and maintain good standing in the family unit.
6. They shift blame onto their children.
Narcissists have the need to feel perfect, so they shirk
responsibilities for their own missteps and blame their
children. They can be cruel when they feel criticized, and their
comments often sting.
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