From: vagans@inanna.eanna.net
Don't get me started...
Couldn't find this on google. The 1997 altcp beauty contest.
Date: 23 May 1997 14:57:14 -0400
Organization: Ba'alei Shemot Lilitu
Message-ID: <5m4paa$k5h$1@dns.city-net.com>
References:
<5lvgfu$liu@andromeda.rutgers.edu>
<5m1in7$oeo$1@dns.city-net.com>
From: (Sourcerer)
Newsgroups: alt.cyberpunk
Subject: Re: Rebirth of Cyberpunk
Clint: Welcome to cybertv sports folks! I'm Clint and this is my
co-host the lovely Brandy...
Brandy: Hi everyone!
Clint: We're in sudden-death! This year's alt.cyberpunk beauty
contest has gone down to the wire...
Brandy: The statiticians say this is the first tie-breaker ever,
Clint.
Clint: That's right, Brandy.
Brandy: Why don't you set the stage for our viewers, Clint.
Clint: While Brandy makes her way down to the runway, lets review the
rules. We thought that the talent contest would produce a winner,
like last year. It eliminated all but two contestants . In case of a tie, there's a coin toss. The winner
gets to choose his or her "weapons". The coin toss went to mpa, who
chose "Rancho Rules"...
Brandy : That's right, Clint. It's a little known
subsection of the Official Rule Book. "Rancho Rules" require the
tiebreaker to be what's officially known as a "call and response"
event, rather than a normal contest.
Clint: However, that gave Omar Haneef the option to choose "call"
or "response".
Brandy: ...mpa chose the category "Troll and Flame"...
Clint: And that may have been a fatal error on his part,
because it gave Omar...
Brandy: And he chose "Troll".
Clint: He sure did, Brandy, and that folks, plays right into Omar's
strength...mpa may regret that.
Brandy: I wonder, Clint; mpa's strength has always been the Flame...
Clint: Whatever happpens...I think we have an even matchup here.
Brandy: It may come down to the judges' subjective perceptions...
Clint: Whatever happens...controversy will dog this year's event.
Brandy: And, of course, *this* year's judges are *last* year's
winner and first runner up.
Clint: That'd be Sourcerer and Johnny Fusion...
Brandy: Wait, Clint...I think I see...yes, someone's coming onto the
stage...
Clint: Okay, folks...it's starting...here's Omar!
Brandy: He looks confident, Clint...
Clint: He's *got* to be nervous...this is for the whole enchilada.
Brandy: He's got his gameface on...wait!
Clint: Wait for it, folks.
>Omar Haneef (ohaneef@andromeda.rutgers.edu) offered:
>: CP was still-born, it never lived. The Fourier transform reveals that
>: the noise WAS CP.
Clint: Whoa! Folks! Whatta "call"!
Brandy: Johnny Fusion dropped his chalk!
Clint: What's Source doing?
Brandy: He's...laughing I think...wait...wait...Omar's back...
Clint: He's going for points with "pathetic
misdirection", I think...
>: I feel like ending with a cool-ass snappy line like: "the opposite is true
>: too", "aim to please", "the truth hurts", "if it bleeds, we can kill it" but
>: nothing appropriate comes to mind...
Clint: Well, folks, there it is, a classic troll, missing only the
"preface". Omar's bowing his way off the stage. Very cool, he is...
Brandy: I can see his hand shaking though. That took it out of him.
Clint: He gave his all...
Brandy: The judges are signalling...
Johnny: 9.5
Sourcerer: 9.4
Clint: What a strong showing! Ol' mpa better be in top form to beat
that.
Brandy: He looks calm and unconcerned. Here he is now.
In article <5m1in7$oeo$1@dns.city-net.com>, mpa wrote:
>Each shit you lilly-livered, squeegy little punk.
>May you write Rancho in hell.
Brandy: Oh, my God!
Clint: It even silenced the crowd!
>Warm Regards,
Clint: Well, folks...I don't know about you, but I think that mpa may
have pulled it off...
Brandy: It's all up to the judges, Clint.
Johnny: 9.7
Sourcerer: 8.1
Clint: I can't believe it! There's something wrong here. There must
be! Brandy, see if you can get to Source...
Brandy: I'm trying, Clint, but the crowd's gone wild...coming thru
folks...cyber tv sports comin' thru goddammit...
Clint: The crowd's setting fire to their chairs! Brandy, you better
clear out, there's...
Brandy: I've got Source! I've got Source,
Clint!
Clint: Staff only in here, folks. Sorry, Staff
only...yeowwww......aw, shit...
Brandy: I've lost Clint...what? Okay ...hey,
Source...Brandy from cybertv sports...
Sourcerer: Hey, Brandy...
Brandy: Can you...
Sourcerer: Duck! That was close......cool...
Brandy: Can you give us any insight into the low score you
gave mpa, thereby assuring Omar's win?
Sourcerer: What about it?
Brandy: Well, I think a lot of folks will question the low score you
gave mpa...
Sourcerer: I thought it was a good flame, Brandy, but when I got down
to the checkbox for "sincerity" I found I questioned mpa's...he is,
after all, a well known Omar supporter.
Brandy: I see, but...
Out of the writhing crowd surrounding Brandy and Source, mpa pushes
his way through...
mpa: Why you sunnuva...
Brandy:
In the dark hallways behind the stage, a small dark figure quickly
down-climbs a wall and dashes off towards the stage entrance. It
catches up with Omar as he is about to exit the theater.
Sweet Poly: There you are.
Omar: Poly!
Sweet Poly: Yes. What have you been up to? What have you done?
Omar: Nothing. Honest.
Sweet Poly: Don't give me that bull. Remember. I can *see* you.
The Other Omar!!! Oh, no!
The Other Omar: Oh, yes, "sweet" Poly. It is I, your -- all you
Rancheros -- arch-nemisis!
Sweet Poly: So you've got us again.
The Other Omar smoothes his dense black jeans and tucks his black
t-shirt down them. He tamps a Krakatoa Kretek and, pops
it between his lips.
The Other Omar No, dear Poly...
I didn't get you. Yinz got yerselves.
And all Sweet Poly remembered was The Other Omar's cold, hollow laugh
coming from the other side of the stagedoor as he vanished from sight.
--
(__) Sourcerer
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