From: blondie@databasix.com   
      
   Letter to the FAA   
   Federal Aviation Agency,   
   Washington 25, D.C.   
      
   Gentlemen:   
   I was asked to make a written statement concerning   
   certain events that   
   occurred yesterday. First of all, I would like to   
   thank that very nice   
   FAA man who took my student pilot's license and   
   told me I wouldn't need   
   it any more. I guess that means that you're giving   
   me my full-fledged   
   pilot's license. You should watch that fellow   
   though, after I told him   
   all of this he seemed quite nervous and his hand   
   was shaking. Anyway,   
   here is what happened.   
      
   The weather had been kind of bad since last week,   
   when I soloed. But on   
   the day in question I was not about to let low   
   ceilings and   
   visibility, and a slight freezing drizzle, deter   
   me from another   
   exciting experience at the controls of an   
   airplane. I was pretty proud   
   of my accomplishment, and I had invited my   
   neighbor to go with me since   
   I planned to fly to a town about two hundred miles   
   away where I knew of   
   an excellent restaurant that served absolutely   
   wonderful charcoaled   
   steaks and the greatest martinis.   
      
   On the way to the airport my neighbor was a little   
   concerned about the   
   weather but I assured him once again about the   
   steaks and martinis that   
   we would soon be enjoying and he seemed much   
   happier.   
      
   When we arrived at the airport the freezing   
   drizzle had stopped, as I   
   already knew from my ground school meteorology it   
   would. There were only   
   a few snow flakes. I checked the weather and I was   
   assured that it was   
   solid IFR. I was delighted. But when I talked to   
   the local operator I   
   found out that my regular airplane, a Piper J-4   
   Cub, was down for   
   repairs. You could imagine my disappointment. Just   
   then a friendly,   
   intelligent line boy suggested that I take another   
   airplane, which I   
   immediately saw was very sleek and looked much   
   easier to fly. I think   
   that he called it a Aztec C, also made by Piper. I   
   didn't have a tail   
   wheel, but I didn't say anything because I was in   
   a hurry. Oh yes, it   
   had a spare engine for some reason.   
      
   We climbed in and I began looking for an ignition   
   switch. Now, I don't   
   want to get anyone in trouble, but it shouldn't be   
   necessary to get the   
   airplane manual just to find out how to start an   
   airplane. That's   
   rediculous. I never saw sow many dials and needles   
   and knobs, handles   
   and switches. As we both know, confidentially,   
   they have simplified this   
   in the J-4 Cub. I forgot to mention that I did   
   file a flight plan, and   
   those people were so nice. When I told them I was   
   flying an Aztec they   
   said it was all right to go direct via Victor-435,   
   a local superhighway,   
   all the way. These fellows deserve a lot credit.   
   They told me a lot of   
   other things too, but everybody has problems with   
   red tape.   
      
   The take-off was one of my best and I carefully   
   left the pattern just   
   the way the book style says it should be done. The   
   tower operator told   
   me to contact Department Control Radar but that   
   seemed kind of silly   
   since I knew where I was going. There must have   
   been some kind of   
   emergency because, all of a sudden, a lot of   
   airline pilots began   
   yelling at the same time and made such a racket   
   that I just turned off   
   the radio.   
      
   You'd think that those professionals would be   
   better trained. Anyway, I   
   climbed up into a few little flat clouds, cumulus   
   type, at three hundred   
   feet, but Highway 435 was right under me and,   
   since I knew it was   
   straight east to the town where we were going to   
   have drinks and dinner,   
   I just went on up into the solid overcast. After   
   all, it was snowing so   
   hard by now that it was a waste of time to watch   
   the ground. This was a   
   bad thing to do, I realized. My neighbor   
   undoubtedly wanted to see the   
   scenery, especially the mountains all around us,   
   but everybody has to   
   be disappointed sometime and we pilots have to   
   make the best of it,   
   don't we?   
      
   It was pretty smooth flying and, except for the   
   ice that seemed to be   
   forming here and there, especially on the   
   windshield, there wasn't much   
   to see. I will say that I handled the controls   
   quite easily for a pilot   
   with only six hours. My computer and pencils fell   
   out of my shirt   
   pocket once in a while but these phenomenon   
   sometime occur I am told. I   
   don't expect you to believe this, but my pocket   
   watch was standing   
   straight up on its chain. That was pretty funny   
   and asked my neighbor to   
   look but he just kept staring ahead with sort of a   
   glassy look in his   
   eyes and I figured that he was afraid of height   
   like all non-pilots are.   
   By the way, something was wrong with the   
   altimeter, it kept winding and   
   unwinding all the time.   
      
   Finally, I decided we had flown about long enough   
   to be where we were   
   going, since I had worked it out on the computer.   
   I am a whiz at that   
   computer, but something must have gone wrong with   
   it since when I came   
   down to look for the airport there wasn't anything   
   there except   
   mountains. These weather people sure had been   
   wrong, too. It was real   
   marginal conditions with a ceiling of about one   
   hundred feet. You just   
   can't trust anybody in this business except   
   yourself, right? Why, there   
   were even thunderstorms going on with occasional   
   bolt of lightning. I   
   decided that my neighbor should see how beautiful   
   it was and the way it   
   seemed to turn that fog all yellow, but I guess he   
   was asleep, having   
   gotten over his fear of height, and I didn't want   
   to wake him up.   
   Anyway, just then an emergency occurred because   
   the engine quit. It   
   really didn't worry me since I had just read the   
   manual and I knew right   
   where the other ignition switch was. I just fired   
   up the other engine   
   and we kept right on going. This business of   
   having two engines is   
   really a safety factor. If one quits the other is   
   right there ready to   
   go. Maybe all airplanes should have two engines.   
   You might look into   
   this.   
      
   As pilot in command, I take my responsibilities   
   very seriously. It was   
   apparent that I would have to go down lower and   
   keep a sharp eye in   
   such bad weather. I was glad my neighbor was   
   asleep because it was   
   pretty dark under the clouds and if it hadn't been   
   for the lightning   
   flashes it would have been hard to navigate. Also,   
   it was hard to read   
   road signs through the ice on the windshield.   
   Several cars ran off the   
   road when we passed and you can sure see what they   
   mean about flying   
   being a lot safer than driving.   
      
   To make a long story short, I finally spotted an   
   airport that I knew   
   right away was pretty close to town and, since we   
   were already late for   
   cocktails and dinner, I decided to land there. It   
   was an Air Force Base   
   so I knew it had plenty of runway and I could   
   already see a lot of   
   colored lights flashing in the control tower so I   
   knew that we were   
   welcome. Somebody had told me that you could   
   always talk to these   
   military people on the international emergency   
   frequency so I tried it   
   but you wouldn't believe the language that I   
   heard. These people ought   
   to be straightened out by somebody and I would   
   like to complain, as a   
   taxpayer.   
      
   Evidently there were expecting somebody to come in   
   and land because they   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)