XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: godsspeciallamb@gmail.com   
      
   OK ladies and gents, as of today I have a "situation" with my local   
   Kroger's shopping market.  Please, I Need everywon's undivided attention   
   and total support in backing me on this. Here's the story: Today I went   
   to my local Kroger's to purchase some "Liquid Plumber" to fix my clogged   
   toilet, (I clogged it up by trying to cram too much toilet paper and   
   poop down the hole at wonce), and all I needed was that item, and that   
   item only.  I think I purchased the off-brand, but that's not the point.   
   I digress.   
      
   Ok, so we know this much: there are about fifteen thousand lanes at   
   Kroger's, and usually only two "express lanes," right?  You know the   
   wons where you have to have "12 items or less" (side note: Why is the   
   expression "12 items or less," when actually, "12 items or fewer" would   
   be grammatically correct?  What are we teaching our children?).  And you   
   know that if you have fewer than 12 items, and you don't get in the   
   express lane, you end up standing behind "the Little Old Lady Who Lived   
   in a Shoe" stocking up for the winter to feed all those damn kids.  And   
   all you really want is a case of beer...oh and how about a pack of   
   "Juicy Fruit" while you're here...oh and perhaps that latest issue of   
   Star magazine, right?  I digress.   
      
   Anyway, "Well," I say to myself, "I ain't a sucker--I'll go to won of   
   the convenient and time-saving 'express lanes' that the wonderful people   
   at Kroger's shopping market have provided for me, the jaunty American   
   consumer."  Well I had won item, and that's fewer than 12, right?  So I   
   go to queue up in won of the so-called express lanes, only to discover   
   that there was only WON express lane!  And it was closed!!!  The sign   
   hanging over the contiguous lane said "Express Lane," but get this: It   
   was a "U-SCAN"! I refuse to use U-SCANs on account of the cashiers are   
   PAID to scan my groceries.  I'm not!  I'm paying you good money; I'll be   
   damned if I'm gonna do your job. So now what do I do???  THE ONLY   
   FUNCTIONING EXPRESS LANE WAS A FRIGGING U-SCAN!!!!1!1  I DON'T THINK SO.   
      
   So I waited several minutes in line behind the loud-mouth hillbilly   
   woman and her dirty children, uncomfortably listening to her ramble on   
   in garbled English about whatever the hell happened to be on her   
   mind--which she apparently had no problem with sharing with total   
   strangers--as her children screamed and tore magazines apart.  This is   
   how strongly I feel about not using "U-SCAN."   
      
   So here I am, a faithful, attractive, life-long Kroger's customer put   
   into a situation.  A SITUATION, GOD-DARNIT!  Please, fellow countrymen,   
   I need your help in boycotting the Kroger's shopping market.  I'll put   
   these inconveniencing tyrants out of business if it's the last thing I   
   do.  I bid you peace.   
      
   PS: My toilet is now working like a champ!   
      
   --   
   Mimus hasn't written anything funny about me lately.   
      
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   *               Wavy G                        *   
   *             mail me at:                           *   
   *    godsspeciallamb@gmail.com                                  *   
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   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)