XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: greg@nospam.okthx   
      
   Wavy G  wrote in   
   news:nfi0q35nu208h11harn36ehq2op6mi1l44@4ax.com:   
      
   > OK ladies and gents, as of today I have a "situation" with my local   
   > Kroger's shopping market.  Please, I Need everywon's undivided   
   attention   
   > and total support in backing me on this. Here's the story: Today I went   
   > to my local Kroger's to purchase some "Liquid Plumber" to fix my   
   clogged   
   > toilet, (I clogged it up by trying to cram too much toilet paper and   
   > poop down the hole at wonce), and all I needed was that item, and that   
   > item only.  I think I purchased the off-brand, but that's not the   
   point.   
   > I digress.   
      
   Why didn't you just unbend a wire hanger, shove it down the hole, and   
   wiggle it around for ten seconds?  "Liquid Plumr" is for unclogged the   
   shower drain after your dumbass family members stop it up with butt hair.   
      
   > Ok, so we know this much: there are about fifteen thousand lanes at   
   > Kroger's, and usually only two "express lanes," right?  You know the   
   > wons where you have to have "12 items or less" (side note: Why is the   
   > expression "12 items or less," when actually, "12 items or fewer" would   
   > be grammatically correct?  What are we teaching our children?).  And   
   you   
   > know that if you have fewer than 12 items, and you don't get in the   
   > express lane, you end up standing behind "the Little Old Lady Who Lived   
   > in a Shoe" stocking up for the winter to feed all those damn kids.  And   
   > all you really want is a case of beer...oh and how about a pack of   
   > "Juicy Fruit" while you're here...oh and perhaps that latest issue of   
   > Star magazine, right?  I digress.   
      
   The express lane is quite often stalled by some old biddy who counts like   
   items as one, thereby reducing her cartload of 100 things to "just 9   
   things" because it's mostly cat food and adult diapers and other old lady   
   shit, and who insists on debating every single item on the receipt.   
      
   > Anyway, "Well," I say to myself, "I ain't a sucker--I'll go to won of   
   > the convenient and time-saving 'express lanes' that the wonderful   
   people   
   > at Kroger's shopping market have provided for me, the jaunty American   
   > consumer."  Well I had won item, and that's fewer than 12, right?  So I   
   > go to queue up in won of the so-called express lanes, only to discover   
   > that there was only WON express lane!  And it was closed!!!  The sign   
   > hanging over the contiguous lane said "Express Lane," but get this: It   
   > was a "U-SCAN"! I refuse to use U-SCANs on account of the cashiers are   
   > PAID to scan my groceries.  I'm not!  I'm paying you good money; I'll   
   be   
   > damned if I'm gonna do your job. So now what do I do???  THE ONLY   
   > FUNCTIONING EXPRESS LANE WAS A FRIGGING U-SCAN!!!!1!1  I DON'T THINK   
   SO.   
      
   Yeah, but there's a fully paid (I presume) clerk who has to rush over   
   every five seconds and clear the stupid machine because it can't tell   
   that you scanned some large item and then put it directly into your cart   
   instead of putting it in the too-small "bagging area".   
      
   > So I waited several minutes in line behind the loud-mouth hillbilly   
   > woman and her dirty children, uncomfortably listening to her ramble on   
   > in garbled English about whatever the hell happened to be on her   
   > mind--which she apparently had no problem with sharing with total   
   > strangers--as her children screamed and tore magazines apart.  This is   
   > how strongly I feel about not using "U-SCAN."   
      
   Now, now.  Chatting it up with a clerk is probably her entire social   
   universe.  You don't want her to keep it bottled up inside to the point   
   where she goes nuts and drives her car off a cliff do you?  Of course   
   not.  Those brats of hers have a bright future of delinquency ahead of   
   them, and they need a drunken, backwoods mother-from-hell to help them   
   realize it.   
      
   > So here I am, a faithful, attractive, life-long Kroger's customer put   
   > into a situation.  A SITUATION, GOD-DARNIT!  Please, fellow countrymen,   
   > I need your help in boycotting the Kroger's shopping market.  I'll put   
   > these inconveniencing tyrants out of business if it's the last thing I   
   > do.  I bid you peace.   
      
   You don't boycott, you "go shopping" and then abandon your cart at the   
   checkout lane while you pretend to go retrieve a forgotten item.  Not   
   that I would encourage, recommend or condone such ornery behavior.   
      
   > PS: My toilet is now working like a champ!   
      
   /farts   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)