XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: snuhwolf@netscape.net   
      
   On 30 Jan 2008 13:48:23 GMT   
   gregvk  wasted precious bandwith with:   
      
   > Wavy G  wrote in   
   > news:nfi0q35nu208h11harn36ehq2op6mi1l44@4ax.com:   
   >   
   > > OK ladies and gents, as of today I have a "situation" with my   
   > > local Kroger's shopping market.  Please, I Need everywon's   
   > > undivided   
   > attention   
   > > and total support in backing me on this. Here's the story: Today   
   > > I went to my local Kroger's to purchase some "Liquid Plumber" to   
   > > fix my   
   > clogged   
   > > toilet, (I clogged it up by trying to cram too much toilet paper   
   > > and poop down the hole at wonce), and all I needed was that   
   > > item, and that item only.  I think I purchased the off-brand,   
   > > but that's not the   
   > point.   
   > > I digress.   
   >   
   > Why didn't you just unbend a wire hanger, shove it down the hole,   
   > and wiggle it around for ten seconds?  "Liquid Plumr" is for   
   > unclogged the shower drain after your dumbass family members stop   
   > it up with butt hair.   
   >   
   > > Ok, so we know this much: there are about fifteen thousand lanes   
   > > at Kroger's, and usually only two "express lanes," right?  You   
   > > know the wons where you have to have "12 items or less" (side   
   > > note: Why is the expression "12 items or less," when actually,   
   > > "12 items or fewer" would be grammatically correct?  What are we   
   > > teaching our children?).  And   
   > you   
   > > know that if you have fewer than 12 items, and you don't get in   
   > > the express lane, you end up standing behind "the Little Old   
   > > Lady Who Lived in a Shoe" stocking up for the winter to feed all   
   > > those damn kids.  And all you really want is a case of beer...oh   
   > > and how about a pack of"Juicy Fruit" while you're here...oh and   
   > > perhaps that latest issue of Star magazine, right?  I digress.   
   >   
   > The express lane is quite often stalled by some old biddy who   
   > counts like items as one, thereby reducing her cartload of 100   
   > things to "just 9 things" because it's mostly cat food and adult   
   > diapers and other old lady shit, and who insists on debating every   
   > single item on the receipt.   
   >   
   > > Anyway, "Well," I say to myself, "I ain't a sucker--I'll go to   
   > > won of the convenient and time-saving 'express lanes' that the   
   > > wonderful   
   > people   
   > > at Kroger's shopping market have provided for me, the jaunty   
   > > American consumer."  Well I had won item, and that's fewer than   
   > > 12, right?  So I go to queue up in won of the so-called express   
   > > lanes, only to discover that there was only WON express lane!   
   > > And it was closed!!!  The sign hanging over the contiguous lane   
   > > said "Express Lane," but get this: It was a "U-SCAN"! I refuse   
   > > to use U-SCANs on account of the cashiers are PAID to scan my   
   > > groceries.  I'm not!  I'm paying you good money; I'll   
   > be   
   > > damned if I'm gonna do your job. So now what do I do???  THE   
   > > ONLY FUNCTIONING EXPRESS LANE WAS A FRIGGING U-SCAN!!!!1!1  I   
   > > DON'T THINK   
   > SO.   
   >   
   > Yeah, but there's a fully paid (I presume) clerk who has to rush   
   > over every five seconds and clear the stupid machine because it   
   > can't tell that you scanned some large item and then put it   
   > directly into your cart instead of putting it in the too-small   
   > "bagging area".   
   >   
   > > So I waited several minutes in line behind the loud-mouth   
   > > hillbilly woman and her dirty children, uncomfortably listening   
   > > to her ramble on in garbled English about whatever the hell   
   > > happened to be on her mind--which she apparently had no problem   
   > > with sharing with total strangers--as her children screamed and   
   > > tore magazines apart.  This is how strongly I feel about not   
   > > using "U-SCAN."   
   >   
   > Now, now.  Chatting it up with a clerk is probably her entire   
   > social universe.  You don't want her to keep it bottled up inside   
   > to the point where she goes nuts and drives her car off a cliff do   
   > you?  Of course not.  Those brats of hers have a bright future of   
   > delinquency ahead of them, and they need a drunken, backwoods   
   > mother-from-hell to help them realize it.   
   >   
   > > So here I am, a faithful, attractive, life-long Kroger's   
   > > customer put into a situation.  A SITUATION, GOD-DARNIT!   
   > > Please, fellow countrymen, I need your help in boycotting the   
   > > Kroger's shopping market.  I'll put these inconveniencing   
   > > tyrants out of business if it's the last thing I do.  I bid you   
   > > peace.   
   >   
   > You don't boycott, you "go shopping" and then abandon your cart at   
   > the checkout lane while you pretend to go retrieve a forgotten   
   > item.  Not that I would encourage, recommend or condone such   
   > ornery behavior.   
   >   
   > > PS: My toilet is now working like a champ!   
   >   
   > /farts   
      
      
   Your jealousy of Wavys INDOOR PLUMBING is noted and laughed at.   
      
   FYI   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)