XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re
.aviation.military
From: godsspeciallamb@gmail.com
Dear, "Daedalus": Do you like me? Please check a box ( ) YES ( ) NO:
>On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 09:59:00 -0600, Tim Weaver
>wrote:
>
>>Wavy G wrote:
>>
>>> OK ladies and gents, as of today I have a "situation" with my local
>>> Kroger's shopping market. Please, I Need everywon's undivided attention
>>> and total support in backing me on this. Here's the story: Today I went
>>> to my local Kroger's to purchase some "Liquid Plumber" to fix my clogged
>>> toilet, (I clogged it up by trying to cram too much toilet paper and
>>> poop down the hole at wonce), and all I needed was that item, and that
>>> item only. I think I purchased the off-brand, but that's not the point.
>>> I digress.
>>>
>>> Ok, so we know this much: there are about fifteen thousand lanes at
>>> Kroger's, and usually only two "express lanes," right? You know the
>>> wons where you have to have "12 items or less" (side note: Why is the
>>> expression "12 items or less," when actually, "12 items or fewer" would
>>> be grammatically correct? What are we teaching our children?). And you
>>> know that if you have fewer than 12 items, and you don't get in the
>>> express lane, you end up standing behind "the Little Old Lady Who Lived
>>> in a Shoe" stocking up for the winter to feed all those damn kids. And
>>> all you really want is a case of beer...oh and how about a pack of
>>> "Juicy Fruit" while you're here...oh and perhaps that latest issue of
>>> Star magazine, right? I digress.
>>>
>>> Anyway, "Well," I say to myself, "I ain't a sucker--I'll go to won of
>>> the convenient and time-saving 'express lanes' that the wonderful people
>>> at Kroger's shopping market have provided for me, the jaunty American
>>> consumer." Well I had won item, and that's fewer than 12, right? So I
>>> go to queue up in won of the so-called express lanes, only to discover
>>> that there was only WON express lane! And it was closed!!! The sign
>>> hanging over the contiguous lane said "Express Lane," but get this: It
>>> was a "U-SCAN"! I refuse to use U-SCANs on account of the cashiers are
>>> PAID to scan my groceries. I'm not! I'm paying you good money; I'll be
>>> damned if I'm gonna do your job. So now what do I do??? THE ONLY
>>> FUNCTIONING EXPRESS LANE WAS A FRIGGING U-SCAN!!!!1!1 I DON'T THINK SO.
>>>
>>> So I waited several minutes in line behind the loud-mouth hillbilly
>>> woman and her dirty children, uncomfortably listening to her ramble on
>>> in garbled English about whatever the hell happened to be on her
>>> mind--which she apparently had no problem with sharing with total
>>> strangers--as her children screamed and tore magazines apart. This is
>>> how strongly I feel about not using "U-SCAN."
>>>
>>> So here I am, a faithful, attractive, life-long Kroger's customer put
>>> into a situation. A SITUATION, GOD-DARNIT! Please, fellow countrymen,
>>> I need your help in boycotting the Kroger's shopping market. I'll put
>>> these inconveniencing tyrants out of business if it's the last thing I
>>> do. I bid you peace.
>>>
>>> PS: My toilet is now working like a champ!
>>
>>I don't shop at Kroger. You have my support. All Krogers can die. (The
>>stores, not anywon named Kroger.) I don't want to be accused of any murder
>>plotting here.
>
>That's very good. Larry Kroger was distressed for a moment. He didn't
>know she was only fourteen.
"Daddy, this is Larry...the boy who molested me." LOL.
--
Mimus hasn't written anything funny about me lately.
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* *
* Wavy G *
* mail me at: *
* godsspeciallamb@gmail.com *
* *
* *
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--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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