XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: jade@newtko0ouks.biz   
      
   On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 09:59:00 -0600, Tim Weaver    
   wrote:   
      
   >Wavy G wrote:   
   >   
   >> OK ladies and gents, as of today I have a "situation" with my local   
   >> Kroger's shopping market.  Please, I Need everywon's undivided attention   
   >> and total support in backing me on this. Here's the story: Today I went   
   >> to my local Kroger's to purchase some "Liquid Plumber" to fix my clogged   
   >> toilet, (I clogged it up by trying to cram too much toilet paper and   
   >> poop down the hole at wonce), and all I needed was that item, and that   
   >> item only.  I think I purchased the off-brand, but that's not the point.   
   >> I digress.   
   >>   
   >> Ok, so we know this much: there are about fifteen thousand lanes at   
   >> Kroger's, and usually only two "express lanes," right?  You know the   
   >> wons where you have to have "12 items or less" (side note: Why is the   
   >> expression "12 items or less," when actually, "12 items or fewer" would   
   >> be grammatically correct?  What are we teaching our children?).  And you   
   >> know that if you have fewer than 12 items, and you don't get in the   
   >> express lane, you end up standing behind "the Little Old Lady Who Lived   
   >> in a Shoe" stocking up for the winter to feed all those damn kids.  And   
   >> all you really want is a case of beer...oh and how about a pack of   
   >> "Juicy Fruit" while you're here...oh and perhaps that latest issue of   
   >> Star magazine, right?  I digress.   
   >>   
   >> Anyway, "Well," I say to myself, "I ain't a sucker--I'll go to won of   
   >> the convenient and time-saving 'express lanes' that the wonderful people   
   >> at Kroger's shopping market have provided for me, the jaunty American   
   >> consumer."  Well I had won item, and that's fewer than 12, right?  So I   
   >> go to queue up in won of the so-called express lanes, only to discover   
   >> that there was only WON express lane!  And it was closed!!!  The sign   
   >> hanging over the contiguous lane said "Express Lane," but get this: It   
   >> was a "U-SCAN"! I refuse to use U-SCANs on account of the cashiers are   
   >> PAID to scan my groceries.  I'm not!  I'm paying you good money; I'll be   
   >> damned if I'm gonna do your job. So now what do I do???  THE ONLY   
   >> FUNCTIONING EXPRESS LANE WAS A FRIGGING U-SCAN!!!!1!1  I DON'T THINK SO.   
   >>   
   >> So I waited several minutes in line behind the loud-mouth hillbilly   
   >> woman and her dirty children, uncomfortably listening to her ramble on   
   >> in garbled English about whatever the hell happened to be on her   
   >> mind--which she apparently had no problem with sharing with total   
   >> strangers--as her children screamed and tore magazines apart.  This is   
   >> how strongly I feel about not using "U-SCAN."   
   >>   
   >> So here I am, a faithful, attractive, life-long Kroger's customer put   
   >> into a situation.  A SITUATION, GOD-DARNIT!  Please, fellow countrymen,   
   >> I need your help in boycotting the Kroger's shopping market.  I'll put   
   >> these inconveniencing tyrants out of business if it's the last thing I   
   >> do.  I bid you peace.   
   >>   
   >> PS: My toilet is now working like a champ!   
   >   
   >I don't shop at Kroger.  You have my support.  All Krogers can die.  (The   
   >stores, not anywon named Kroger.)  I don't want to be accused of any murder   
   >plotting here.   
      
   That's very good. Larry Kroger was distressed for a moment. He didn't   
   know she was only fourteen.   
      
   Jade   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)