XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re
.aviation.military
From: sharon@lart.com
On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:08:43 -0600, Tim Weaver
wrote in
:
>Wavy G wrote:
>
>> It's not really a problem. I don't want this to come off that way. It's
>> really more or less something I'd like to discuss with you, my new
>> Internet friends.
>>
>> The thing is, there's a few people I have met in my many years living in
>> this great "Greater Cincinnati Area" (GO REDS!), who have moved here
>> from Kentucky, or Atlanta, or won of the other less-fortunate areas of
>> our nation, who have a tendency to "mispronounce" the language.
>>
>> Now before you jump all over me saying, "Oh, you're won to talk, Wavy,"
>> let me explain: There are a certain few words that "Country people"
>> intentionally try to say wrong. It's just a few words, that's all. For
>> example, when somewon says "physical," and they are actually trying to
>> say "fiscal." As in, "Have you updated the new 'physical' calendar?" Of
>> course, they know it's "fiscal," they just try to pronounce it
>> "physical." Why do they do this? Or when talking about a "Poplar"
>> tree, they say it like, "popular," as if they think "Poplar" is a
>> contraction of the word "popular" or something. "Hey man, I cut down
>> that 'Popular' tree in my back yard last night."
>
>Bullshit. Neither of those have ever occurred here.
>
>> I'm not exactly sure why these people do this. I believe it comes from
>> the standard of removing "drawls" from words in attempt to sound more
>> sophisticated, like the people in their surrounding communities, and as
>> a result, totally fucking up certain words. It's like they try so hard
>> to be like us, but it just doesn't "pan out."
>>
>> When a Southerner relocates to the much more refined and civilized
>> North, they try to hide their down-home, "cornpone" ways in an attempt
>> to blend in with us regular people--especially in their language. You
>> know, like when they use the term "You all" when addressing two or more
>> people. You know deep-down inside they really want to say "Y'all," as
>> their Southern instincts would dictate, but something intrinsically
>> tells them, "Don't say it! Don't say, 'Y'all'! I don't want them to
>> see me as the backward, inbred buffoon that I really am." Well here's a
>> tip for all Southerners: We normal people...we don't say, "You all," we
>> say, "you." NEWSFLASH: "YOU" IS THE PLURAL FORM OF "YOU"!!! IT DOESN'T
>> MATTER HOW YOU STRETCH IT OUT, YOU STILL SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OF
>> BUCK-TOOTHED, GRITS-SLURPING MORONS.
>
>No true southerner would ever say "you all". It's always "y'all". The idea
>that we say "you all" is an invention of you northern fucks. In my entire
>45+ year life, all of which was spent living in the south, I have never
>heard one of "us" ever say "you all". Get yer information straight.
>
>> So anyways, I just thought I'd throw that out there and see if anywon
>> "bites." What do you think? Let's talk. I love hearing from you all.
>
>Did that count as a bite?
>
>> With love, as always,
>> Wavy G.
>
>Like I believe that after the assault you just made on my language.
>
>I'll explain this once for you, Wavy <*bitch slap*> so you will understand.
>
>"Y'all" = "you all" = "all of you". "All of you" == "some of you". We say
>"y'all" to ensure that you and your other northern fuck compatriots will
>understand we mean "you and your other northern fuck compatriots related to
>whatever group or social clique being spoken to at any given time. Even if
>it the entire lot of you; i.e.: "Fuck all y'all!" This as opposed to "some
>of you." This means some members of said groups above are included, others
>are not.
>
>Don't make that mistake again, <*bitch slap*> WavyG. <*bitch slap*>
Please allow me to assist in the simple, uncomplicated way that I
have.
:
Southern Tourism Bureau Notice to all visiting Northerners
And Northeastern Urbanites:
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook
something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther
Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or
we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here
it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC,
Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing
otherwise can lead to an ass-kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
(e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or
we'll kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,
Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do,
sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Edwards, Duke, Barnes,
Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb
enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the
Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett
up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of
Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the
carving, we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell
up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick
your ass.
8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly
know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with
gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will
get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit,
Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like
it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it
gets kicked.
11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are
saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone,
or we'll kick your ass.
12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR
[continued in next message]
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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