XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: DaVe@MeOw.OrG   
      
   On Fri, 01 Feb 2008 07:48:05 -0500, Sharon B  wrote:   
      
   >On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:39:24 -0800,  wrote in   
   >:   
   >   
   >>   
   >>"Sharon B"  wrote in message   
   >>news:fnu7tm$ir3$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com...   
   >[...]   
   >>> Please allow me to assist in the simple, uncomplicated way that I   
   >>> have.   
   >>> :   
   >>>   
   >>> Southern Tourism Bureau Notice to all visiting Northerners   
   >>> And Northeastern Urbanites:   
   >>>   
   >>> 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's   
   >>> just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook   
   >>> something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther   
   >>> Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or   
   >>> we will just HAVE to kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here   
   >>> it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC,   
   >>> Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing   
   >>> otherwise can lead to an ass-kicking.   
   >>>   
   >>>   
   >>> 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you   
   >>> (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and   
   >>> generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or   
   >>> we'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,   
   >>> Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do,   
   >>> sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Edwards, Duke, Barnes,   
   >>> Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb   
   >>> enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the   
   >>> Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to   
   >>> Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett   
   >>> up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of   
   >>> Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the   
   >>> carving, we'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>>   
   >>> 7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell   
   >>> up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick   
   >>> your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly   
   >>> know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with   
   >>> gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will   
   >>> get your ass kicked.   
   >>>   
   >>> 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we   
   >>> know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit,   
   >>> Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like   
   >>> it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it   
   >>> gets kicked.   
   >>>   
   >>> 11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because   
   >>> we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand   
   >>> what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are   
   >>> saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone,   
   >>> or we'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR   
   >>> lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR   
   >>> scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.   
   >>>   
   >>> 13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold   
   >>> doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such   
   >>> things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our   
   >>> sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners   
   >>> into your ass just like they did ours.   
   >>>   
   >>> 14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the   
   >>> countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in   
   >>> filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore.   
   >>> Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.   
   >>>   
   >>> 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how   
   >>> to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is   
   >>> kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our   
   >>> barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass!   
   >>   
   >>OMG, that is just beautiful!!   
   >>   
   >>*awards Sharon B The Southern Cross*   
   >   
   >I wish I could take credit for that, but it's published all   
   >over...author unknown.   
   >   
   >There's another one that roachie has, if I can find it (or remember   
   >enough of how it went to google it...damn Senior Moments).   
      
   whatever shes saying, dont listen to that lying sharon b!  shes north   
   of the mason dixon, and she knows it!  she a NORTHERNER!  HAH!!!!!   
      
   --   
   dave hillstrom   mhm15x4   zrbj   
      
      
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)