XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, re   
   .aviation.military   
   From: DaVe@MeOw.OrG   
      
   On Fri, 01 Feb 2008 08:52:14 -0500, Daedalus    
   wrote:   
      
   >On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:43:33 -0500, Sharon B  wrote:   
   >   
   >>On Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:08:43 -0600, Tim Weaver    
   >>wrote in   
   >>:   
   >>   
   >>>Wavy G wrote:   
   >>>   
   >>>> It's not really a problem.  I don't want this to come off that way. It's   
   >>>> really more or less something I'd like to discuss with you, my new   
   >>>> Internet friends.   
   >>>>   
   >>>> The thing is, there's a few people I have met in my many years living in   
   >>>> this great "Greater Cincinnati Area" (GO REDS!), who have moved here   
   >>>> from Kentucky, or Atlanta, or won of the other less-fortunate areas of   
   >>>> our nation, who have a tendency to "mispronounce" the language.   
   >>>>   
   >>>> Now before you jump all over me saying, "Oh, you're won to talk, Wavy,"   
   >>>> let me explain: There are a certain few words that "Country people"   
   >>>> intentionally try to say wrong.  It's just a few words, that's all.  For   
   >>>> example, when somewon says "physical," and they are actually trying to   
   >>>> say "fiscal."  As in, "Have you updated the new 'physical' calendar?" Of   
   >>>> course, they know it's "fiscal," they just try to pronounce it   
   >>>> "physical."  Why do they do this?  Or when talking about a "Poplar"   
   >>>> tree, they say it like, "popular," as if they think "Poplar" is a   
   >>>> contraction of the word "popular" or something.  "Hey man, I cut down   
   >>>> that 'Popular' tree in my back yard last night."   
   >>>   
   >>>Bullshit.  Neither of those have ever occurred here.   
   >>>   
   >>>> I'm not exactly sure why these people do this.  I believe it comes from   
   >>>> the standard of removing "drawls" from words in attempt to sound more   
   >>>> sophisticated, like the people in their surrounding communities, and as   
   >>>> a result, totally fucking up certain words.  It's like they try so hard   
   >>>> to be like us, but it just doesn't "pan out."   
   >>>>   
   >>>> When a Southerner relocates to the much more refined and civilized   
   >>>> North, they try to hide their down-home, "cornpone" ways in an attempt   
   >>>> to blend in with us regular people--especially in their language.  You   
   >>>> know, like when they use the term "You all" when addressing two or more   
   >>>> people.  You know deep-down inside they really want to say "Y'all," as   
   >>>> their Southern instincts would dictate, but something intrinsically   
   >>>> tells them, "Don't say it!  Don't say, 'Y'all'!  I don't want them to   
   >>>> see me as the backward, inbred buffoon that I really am."  Well here's a   
   >>>> tip for all Southerners: We normal people...we don't say, "You all," we   
   >>>> say, "you."  NEWSFLASH: "YOU" IS THE PLURAL FORM OF "YOU"!!!  IT DOESN'T   
   >>>> MATTER HOW YOU STRETCH IT OUT, YOU STILL SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OF   
   >>>> BUCK-TOOTHED, GRITS-SLURPING MORONS.   
   >>>   
   >>>No true southerner would ever say "you all".  It's always "y'all".  The idea   
   >>>that we say "you all" is an invention of you northern fucks.  In my entire   
   >>>45+ year life, all of which was spent living in the south, I have never   
   >>>heard one of "us" ever say "you all".  Get yer information straight.   
   >>>   
   >>>> So anyways, I just thought I'd throw that out there and see if anywon   
   >>>> "bites."  What do you think?  Let's talk.  I love hearing from you all.   
   >>>   
   >>>Did that count as a bite?   
   >>>   
   >>>> With love, as always,   
   >>>> Wavy G.   
   >>>   
   >>>Like I believe that after the assault you just made on my language.   
   >>>   
   >>>I'll explain this once for you, Wavy <*bitch slap*> so you will understand.   
   >>>   
   >>>"Y'all" = "you all" = "all of you".  "All of you" == "some of you".  We say   
   >>>"y'all" to ensure that you and your other northern fuck compatriots will   
   >>>understand we mean "you and your other northern fuck compatriots related to   
   >>>whatever group or social clique being spoken to at any given time.  Even if   
   >>>it the entire lot of you; i.e.: "Fuck all y'all!"  This as opposed to "some   
   >>>of you."  This means some members of said groups above are included, others   
   >>>are not.   
   >>>   
   >>>Don't make that mistake again, <*bitch slap*> WavyG.  <*bitch slap*>   
   >>   
   >>Please allow me to assist in the simple, uncomplicated way that I   
   >>have.   
   >>:   
   >>   
   >>Southern Tourism Bureau Notice to all visiting Northerners   
   >>And Northeastern Urbanites:   
   >>   
   >>1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's   
   >>just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook   
   >>something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.   
   >>   
   >>2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther   
   >>Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or   
   >>we will just HAVE to kick your ass.   
   >>   
   >>3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here   
   >>it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC,   
   >>Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing   
   >>otherwise can lead to an ass-kicking.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you   
   >>(e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and   
   >>generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or   
   >>we'll kick your ass.   
   >>   
   >>5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,   
   >>Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do,   
   >>sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Edwards, Duke, Barnes,   
   >>Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb   
   >>enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the   
   >>Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.   
   >>   
   >>6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to   
   >>Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett   
   >>up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of   
   >>Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the   
   >>carving, we'll kick your ass.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell   
   >>up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick   
   >>your ass.   
   >>   
   >>8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly   
   >>know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with   
   >>gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.   
   >>   
   >>9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will   
   >>get your ass kicked.   
   >>   
   >>10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we   
   >>know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit,   
   >>Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like   
   >>it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it   
   >>gets kicked.   
   >>   
   >>11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because   
   >>we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)