e30823f0   
   XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, alt.usenet.kooks, alt.tv.sopranos   
   XPost: alt.punk   
   From: godsspeciallamb@gmail.com   
      
   Dear, "Slipped Moebius": Do you like me?  Please check a box ( ) YES  (   
   ) NO:   
      
   >On Feb 22, 12:57 am, Wavy G  wrote:   
   >> Guess what?  (Well, you probably already know from the subject line, but   
   >> anyway...)  Last night, I had a dream I met Mr. T!  It was great!  Well,   
   >> it started out great.  Then it kind of downgraded from there.  He was   
   >> over at my parents' house, (for some reason), and I went over there and   
   >> saw him out in the garage working on his van.  I was like, "Hey, Mr. T!   
   >> I was your biggest fan when I was a kid!"  And I ran up and gave him a   
   >> big hug, and I was like "Do you wanna hang out today?"   
   >>   
   >> He said, "Mr. T loves his fans!"  So and but we ended up hanging out   
   >> together.  What a dream come true for me (well, not really; as it turns   
   >> out, it was actually a dream all along).   
   >>   
   >> So we were hanging out, Mr. T and me, and I was trying to show him how   
   >> much I loved him, so I kept quoting old lines from "The A-Team," so he   
   >> would know I was for real.  Mr. T was impressed.  He was like, "Most   
   >> people don't even know those lines!"   
   >>   
   >> I said, "Yeah, I bet everybody probably says 'I pity the fool' all the   
   >> time, right?"   
   >>   
   >> He was like, "YEAH, everybody says that.  I get real tired of that   
   >> line!"  (Imagine Mr. T yelling everything he says, 'cause that's what it   
   >> was like.)   
   >>   
   >> And I was like, "Yeah, most people probably wouldn't even know that line   
   >> isn't even from 'The A-Team."   
   >>   
   >> He said, "Yeah, that was from 'Rocky III'!"   
   >>   
   >> I said, "Yeah!  'Rocky III'!"  It was great.  We were really connecting,   
   >> Mr. T. and me.   
   >>   
   >> Well apparently, the whole time he was hanging out with me, Mr. T must   
   >> have thought I was a kid.  Because at won point, he found out I was an   
   >> adult, and he got kind of peeved at me and said, "I thought you said you   
   >> was a kid!"   
   >>   
   >> I was kind of taken aback.  I said, "No, I said I was your biggest fan   
   >> when I was a kid.  I'm not a kid anymore.  I'm a 30 year old man." After   
   >> that, his whole attitude towards me changed.  He only seemed to like me   
   >> when he thought I was a kid.  (Why did he think I was a kid, anyway?)   
   >>   
   >> I said, "I thought you loved your fans."   
   >>   
   >> He said, "Mr. T got no time for grown men!  Mr. T. loves his little   
   >> brothers and sisters, not some 30 year old man!"  (Apparently this took   
   >> place a year ago, because I am actually 31.)   
   >>   
   >> After a while, I think I really started getting on his nerves, 'cause I   
   >> kept on quoting "A-Team" lines, like, "We're takin' the job, Hannibal!"   
   >> and "I ain't gettin' on no plane!"  It was really funny (at least, I   
   >> thought it was funny), but he started getting really mad at me.   
   >>   
   >> I guess in my dreamlike state, I must've thought that in Mr. T's life,   
   >> there must always be that somebody acting "zany" to offset his gruff   
   >> demeanor, and to be his comic foil--à la, the "Murdock" to his "B.A." So   
   >> I really thought I was doing the right thing here, people.   
   >>   
   >> Anyway, he was busy trying to work on his van, and I just kept talking   
   >> like him, and I could tell his blood pressure was really rising.  Then I   
   >> said won of my favourite lines: "You got a choice, Jack.  You either   
   >> talk...Or you HURT!" and he totally flipped out and started yelling at   
   >> me!   
   >>   
   >> He said, "I'm gettin' tired of you talkin' like me, fool!  Cut it out,   
   >> or I'll knock you out!"   
   >>   
   >> So I said, "No, you cut it out!  Or I'll knock YOU out!"   
   >>   
   >> And he was like "QUIT MOCKIN' ME, SUCKA!"   
   >>   
   >> So I said, "NO, YOU QUIT MOCKIN' ME, SUCKA!"   
   >>   
   >> And then he said "CUT IT OUT!  I'M THE REAL MR. T!"   
   >>   
   >> So I said, "NO, I'M THE REAL MR. T."   
   >>   
   >> And then he lost it.  He got up and chased after me with his tire iron,   
   >> and that's when I woke up.  So anyway, sorry this story had no point.   
   >> Goodbye.   
   >>   
   >> Love,   
   >> Wavy G   
   >>   
   >Well, I believe the reason Mr. T became angry when He realized you   
   >were not a kid is because Mr. T is a good, wholesome man with an   
   >unending and unyielding mission to spread His goodness and   
   >wholesomeness among the population of the whorled. The easiest and   
   >most impressionable "targets," of course, are children (He follows the   
   >J.R. Reynolds mission statement.) Anyways, when He realized you were   
   >not a minor and were in fact a 30 year old man whom has already been   
   >indoctrinated with His message of goodness and wholesomeness (for you,   
   >Wavy G, do, for all intents and purposes seem a good, and wholesome   
   >person,)   
      
   Yep.  And it's all thanks to Mr. T.  Well, him and Junk Yard Dog.  Those   
   guys practically raised me.   
      
   >He rmerely became agitated that He had extended so much of   
   >his crucial and rationed mission energy to you. Mr. T is aging, and   
   >only has so much CandRME to spread among the ever evil-growing youth.   
   >So don't feel bad, Wavy G. I'm sure it was for your protection and for   
   >the salvation of others that He merely regressed into this unstable   
   >condition.   
   >   My real worry stems from when He had to chase you with the tire   
   >iron. How many children passed the line then, how many young, safe,   
   >gentle children crossed the line into evilness and puberty during this   
   >chase? How many were denied their salvation? How many were denied the   
   >light, their pajama covered feet led to the rocky path of darkness,   
   >the softly rustling pajama feet ripped off and replaced with Converse   
   >and Van's shoes with red, blood-like "A"'s scratched on the toe-cup,   
   >the heel, blatantly on the ankle, on this, this mental Bataan Death   
   >March in the deepest level of the soul?   
      
   I would say it was the kids who opted to watch "Dynasty" over "The   
   A-Team," but I'm kind of biased in that area.   
      
   >   So maybe, the next time Mr. T is fixing His monolithic van at your   
   >parents house, maybe next time just enjoy His presence, bathe in His   
   >aura, and not speak, maybe next time just hand Him a socket or wrench,   
   >and smile. You are helping to correct the world, and you will be   
   >remembered.   
      
   But Murdock and him were always fighting.  It doesn't mean they don't   
   love each other though.   
   --   
   "If you don't get slapped, you're not doing it right."   
    --Tim Weaver gives me the best dating advice I've ever had.   
   (PS: Apologies to Mimus.)   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)