From: man.simple@hotmail.com   
      
   But Mom! (Mg, cons)   
   By Simple Man   
      
      
   Two weeks into retirement and I was bored to tears, the sheer thought   
   that I had nothing compelling to do each day was making me feel   
   worthless and un-needed.  Anyway, standing there with my second cup of   
   morning coffee, my wife still snoring in bed and me still wearing only   
   my boxer shorts in front of my bay window, I saw this Jeep in my   
   neighbor's driveway.  Damn, I thought, that looks like fun.  It was more   
   than a convertible, with the top down and those roll bars showing, it   
   looked like adventure.  I realized right then that I wanted adventure   
   and a Jeep like that to go with it.  Suddenly I began to feel excited; I   
   had a mission, something to do.   
      
   She laughed right in my face and took my third cup of coffee and began   
   to drink it.  Every time she let the cup drop from her lips she would   
   snort coffee and laugh hysterically.  I was not amused and grabbed my   
   cup of coffee back from her.  Off she went with her hand covering her   
   mouth still snickering, repeating over and over again "Adventure, Jeep!   
   Right!" and right then I decided I would hate that woman for the next   
   few hours at least.   
      
   Well, I was not to be put off by my wife.  I was retired and could do   
   damn well as I pleased now.  Besides she could not stand me being under   
   foot all the time, but oh yea, her idea of a pastime for me was fucking   
   BINGO every other night.  BULL SHIT!  That is no life for a man no   
   matter how old I was.  No, I went over to the Chrysler Jeep dealership   
   to at least look at those adventure vehicles and I went by myself.   
      
   Now I have not bought a new car in probably more than ten years so I was   
   a little unprepared for the sales pressure I was getting, but this   
   salesman was telling me he would baby sit my kids if I would sign on the   
   dotted line.  I tried to tell him that I did not have any kids but he   
   was walking me out to the lot to find the one I wanted.  Half way out he   
   plopped a Jeep cap on my head and had his arm around me real buddy like.   
      
   Well, I guess you know I traded in my old trusty car and finally pulled   
   away from the dealership in a brand new Jeep Wrangler.  I came to the   
   first stoplight and sat there thinking I could not go home; the taunts   
   from my wife were ringing in my head so I turned at the light and headed   
   off toward the park.  I had the Jeep now and adventure was still making   
   my heart pound faster, and I spotted a park bench and pulled up in front   
   of it right on the grass.  I got out and sat down on the bench just   
   looking at the shiny new Jeep.   
      
   "Hey mister, that your Jeep?"   
      
   I looked up and saw nobody and thought maybe I had imagined it.   
   However, soon there was a giggle behind me and I turned to look in back   
   of me.   
      
   "Surprise, it's just me!" and more giggles.   
      
   She was maybe eight years old, maybe less and she was cute as a button.   
      
   "Who is me?"  I asked.   
      
   "I'm Penny, what's your name?"   
      
   Walking around the bench she stood in front of me and I had to swallow   
   hard.  She had on little yellow shorts, micro shorts, that left no doubt   
   as to what her butt looked like and a loose little white top that ended   
   just below her little girl nipples.  Barefoot and nearly naked I felt   
   myself getting aroused by her looks and manners.   
      
   "I'm William, but my friends call me Bill."   
      
   "Looks like it needs to be washed!" she offered.   
      
   "What needs to be washed?" I responded.   
      
   "The Jeep silly, it's got some dirt on it!  I can help; I'm really good   
   at washing cars."   
      
   "Oh you are, are you?"   
      
   "Yep!" she beamed.   
      
   She then started giggling and pointing at the erection in my pants,   
   clearly amused that she had caused this with just her looks.  There was   
   nothing I could do, covering myself would have brought more attention,   
   so I just let her look at it and sure enough it got bigger and so did   
   her smile.   
      
   "Did I do that?"   
      
   "Yes you did!'   
      
   "Are you a pervert that likes little girls like me?"   
      
   "I guess I am, so why don't you run off now and go play?"   
      
   "Nope, I wanna see it!" she countered.   
      
   "Well, you're not going to see it so you may as well run off before you   
   get me in trouble!"   
      
   Not to be put off, she crawled into my lap, her lips dangerously close   
   to mine and rubbing her groin on my manhood.  Wisdom was ebbing away   
   from me by the moment and I knew in a short time I would be revealing   
   myself to her, a little girl.  I was a pervert, but she had me turned on   
   big time.  Her lips were getting closer to mine and her arms were   
   circling my neck.  If I gave in now I would be lost and she was just a   
   little girl.   
      
   "Penelope Ann Miller, what do you think you are doing?  Get off that   
   poor man before you give him a heart attack!"   
      
   "But Mom!"   
      
   "But mom nothing!  Give him a sweet kiss and slide off of him right now.   
   My God girl have I taught you no manners?"   
      
   "But Mom!"   
      
   Penny laid a kiss on me that took my breath away and my Johnson blew a   
   wad all over inside my pants in its earnest attempt at salvation.  Girl   
   in tote, the equally cute mother dragged her daughter off of me.   
      
   "Ya know the parking lot is over there!" she said.   
      
   I looked at my new Jeep and at the struggling preteen body that just   
   kept looking better to me by the moment.   
      
   "But Mom!"   
      
   "That your Jeep?" the officer asked.   
      
   "Yep, it's brand new!" I answered.   
      
   "Congratulations, here is a brand new ticket to go with it.  Move it   
   NOW!"   
      
   I drove home to a cold dinner and pillows on the couch.  All my wife   
   said to me was "You didn't, did you?" and I nodded yes.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)