From: ablert@weatherby.look-it-jed-wittle   
      
   My name is Albert Weatherby, a British Citizen employed by American   
   Intelligence Services although my friends call me Big Al and Big Fat   
   Albert (hey, hey, hey!)   
      
   Please find attached the following job description and requirements to   
   replace the current Fake Dead Ray whose dismal job performance is forcing   
   us to replace him.   
      
   Description:   
   Successfully impersonate a dead, fat guy who choked to death in 2003 after   
   inhaling a hot wing that had been lodged in his beard for several weeks.   
   His particular schtick is claiming to be Jebus while denying he is   
   claiming to be Jebus all the while while goading others into talking big   
   about how they hate the gubbermint on teh Interwebs.   
      
   Mandatory Qualifications:   
   * Must have graduated elementary school   
   * Must weigh 400-450 pounds but still be able to waddle for up to five   
     miles when moped or jalopy is impounded   
   * Must be willing to live in a battered, old bus   
   * Must have a sasquatch-like appearance (including a terrible odor)   
   * Must have proven track record of forming and running kooky cults with at   
     least one follower.  Interwebs cults are acceptable (please provide   
     cites)   
   * Must have proven track record of poasting while high on hallucinogenics   
   * Must be able to use a thesaurus to make poasts incomprehensible.   
      
   Desired Qualifications:   
   * Ability to blather nonsensically   
   * Ability to formulate humorous insults (e.g. Satanic Ignoramus)   
   * Ability to construct verbal gimmicks (e.g. Mirror of Trvth)   
   * Excessive flatulence   
     (Flatulence will be supplemented by CIA operated equipment stationed   
     in close proximity to residential parking lot)   
   * Ability to go without bathing for months at a time   
   * Ability to (successfully) erase family members from website after   
     arguing with them so as to deny their existence   
   * Ability to snipe mannequins with a .177 pellet pistol from distances   
     of up to 25 feet.   
   * A ability to feign sincere fear that Ed Wilkinson, Glen Quarnstrom, or   
     Jamie Eckles is hiding under your mattress waiting to steal a kidney   
   * Knowledge of filing bogus liens is a plus   
      
   Special Benefits:   
   * Company provided "Stealth" Honda   
   * Free Beer (Milwaukee's Best or Lite)   
   * Daily donut allowance at Stealth Hot Dog Stand   
   * A semi-functional Corpsewife (sandwich making abilities provided after   
     one year of satisfactory service.)   
   * Eventual inclusion in a Whose Who of Entertainment vanity publication   
     (we promise!!!)   
   * An Oh-Fish-ul License to Insult (not to be confused with a License to   
     Libel)   
   * A government handout   
      
   Please forward your resume to the Team Christ division of Teh Gubbmint/   
   Media Sponsored/Supported Disinformation agency by connecting to   
   HTTPS://127.0.0.254 - and keep watching the skies!!!  That is where   
   Sheriff's Deputies dressed as Road Repair Workers come from :-)   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)