From: Beaver_Fever@live.com   
      
   But after googling "Manic Phase" I came across all sorts of interesting   
   reading and this pretty much explains an experience that lasted most of   
   October and I was just trying to figure out how to get the feeling back.   
      
   I mean I have definite mental issues for sure.   
      
   Common signs and symptoms of mania include:   
      
       Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable. (In my   
   case it was high and optimistic)   
       Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers.   
       Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic.   
       Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up.   
       Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next.   
       Highly distractible, unable to concentrate.   
       Impaired judgment and impulsiveness.   
       Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences.   
       Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases).   
      
   However it had a definite catalyst when I got asked on an unexpected second   
   date (and an in home date, my home at that) and decided to quit smoking pot   
   (after ten years I relapsed during the summer) and spend a week straight   
   cleaning.   
      
   My mind started racing (see my posting flood), I started sleeping 4 hours a   
   night and probably talked to my roommate more in the space of a few weeks than   
   I had in 11 years.   
      
   In that time period I   
      
   Lost a fuckload of weight. My metabolism sped up and an additional ten pounds   
   melted off (since regained). I was almost 140 and my roommate said I was   
   looking gaunt. But then I would run to the top of the local ridge (2600ft?) at   
   the crack of dawn on an    
   empty stomach 5-6 days a week during this time. However due to racing   
   thoughts, it was hard to listen to podcasts during this time. I was wondering   
   if I was sick I was so skinny but I felt too great!   
      
      
   Wrote a tribute to my deceased uncle that garnered all sorts of praise when my   
   mom posted it to Facebook. It made her cry. Started working on more writing   
   projects.    
      
   Went out on a several dates including a lawyer and a professional jazz   
   musician. One grew some legs into additional dates and the jazz musician after   
   one date kept up communication for a month making it clear the only deal   
   breaker was my lack of driver's    
   license (which of course I already knew).   
      
   Convinced myself this weird thing from earlier in the year which troubled me   
   greatly actually improved my confidence and self-esteem making all the above   
   possible. Now not so sure.   
      
    Made a new hiking friend.   
      
   Convinced my friend who has a vintage clothing company to hire me as a model   
   (never came to fruition, couldn't get my fingers moving to answer his text   
   trying to set it up last week and I am ten pounds over what I told him last   
   month).    
      
   Said good morning to everyone from my front door all the way to the top of the   
   mountain and back and convinced myself, along with all the other displays of   
   outgoing personality I can never conjure up, that I was engaging in cognitive   
   behavioral therapy    
   and finally rebuilding my personality from the ground up.   
      
   Cleaned my room.    
      
   Completely fearless.   
      
   Also family drama I have been trying to avoid close contact with for 8+ years   
   I finally jumped in the middle and started swinging. That might have not been   
   good.   
      
   So perhaps the daily smoking for a few months reset my system for a few weeks?   
   Or maybe I really am bi-polar? That's what I wasn't trying to diagnose, I   
   wanted to find out how to get the feeling back, without smoking myself into   
   oblivion for a few months    
   straight first.   
      
   And on to the crash.    
      
   Was it the continuing ricocheting effects of my participation in the family   
   drama that started to wear me down? Frustration with the lack of traction with   
   all the women I am meeting (though I have no idea what I want out of this)?    
      
   My knees started to hurt derailing the daily early morning hikes. And it   
   started to get cold so I also attributed internal personal changes to that.   
   Don't want to hike in anything but shorts and T shirt anyway.   
      
   So that completely blew a difficult but fulfilling routine I made for myself.   
   Not really interested in the exercise bike or resistance bands anymore.    
      
   And I do have memories of these manic phases before, few and far between over   
   the years but few accomplishments can be tied to them.    
      
   Except for the major life shift that happened in 2014. It was more a moment of   
   chance than anything but stumbling across a verifiable hey I can make money   
   off this without moving much more than my fingers that led me to seek out a   
   few similar    
   opportunities and within 18 months allowed me to quit my McJob (hey I really   
   was making less than 20k a year up til 2013, was never lying about that) and   
   why even now I am not worried about work. I made 6 figures 3 years in a row.   
      
   At the time I attributed it to experimenting with a Piracetam/Ox   
   racetam/Noopept combo, both a certain device that stimulates physical pleasure   
   (think massager) and getting more action leading to better mental well being   
   where I can think of things more    
   clearly. Now I am not so sure?   
      
   I mean it's obvious I have abilities and potential here and it shouldn't take   
   freak mental events to unleash them.   
      
   So, AFCA, am I bi-polar or not? And regardless of what the answer is, how do I   
   get that feeling back?   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)