From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Robert Byrd hopes to work with President Coolidge.   
   Bush launches another assault on constitutional government.   
   Nancy Pelosi is now the nation's most powerful non-Oprah woman.   
   Home Despot's CEO got a $200 million gift certificate to Ace   
   hardware.  Pakistan is allowing kites, and may soon allow   
   see-saws and swing sets.  Six percent of men say they've had a   
   homosexual experience, like owning multiple Clay Aiken albums.   
   Miss USA may be in Playboy, but it won't be so sexy.   
      
      
   Walkover Music:   
   	- Mock the Hoople.  Conan talks about band names.   
      
      
   Actual Items (``You can't make them up!''):   
   	- This is the first time I've heard the intro jingle.  It's   
   getting prety Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra.   
   	   
   	- Crown Point Sentinel.  Digital camera determines YOU =   
   VIRGIN.   
      
   	- Appleton Eagle.  Toddlers' clothes.  Guess which kid   
   just got fired.   
      
   	- Charlotte Observer.  Huggies Diapers.  Dick Cheney.   
   Justifiably angry.   
      
   	- Staten Island Sun.  Men's sportwear.  Starting   
   defensive line, University of gay.   
      
   	- Upper Darby Chronicle.  Plus-sized women's clothing.   
   With prices like these, you'll have lots more money for   
   between-meal snacking.   
      
   	- Tempe Times.  Home entertainment center.  Muteing Conan   
   O'Brien.   
      
   	- Fresno Tribune.  Dorm room accessories.  Lava lamps.   
   They're not what you think, Paris.   
      
   	- Stockbridge Post.  Boys' pajamas.  The same pajamas   
   often found in the trees around Neverland ranch.  Saw that   
   marching up Fifth avenue.   
      
      
      
   Jarod Miller:   
   	- Spider monkey.  She likes Conan, and bananas, which it   
   turns out monkeys do like, but not to excess.  Conan's had   
   relationships like that.   
      
   	- A red-ruffed lemur liks Conan's hair and his banana.   
   Jarod believes that apples are grapes.  It turns out monkeys hang   
   from trees.  It gets angry at being removed, though.   
      
   	- Cane toads, originally from Cuba.  Licking the cane   
   toads could make Conan hallucinate for an hour, then die.  What a   
   way to go.  Maybe they shouldn't be squeezed.  They could eat a   
   kitten.   
      
   	- The giant gila monster.  He didn't like the monologue.   
   Conan has a fake hand, which Jarod doesn't understand.  Don't   
   handle them.  They're very deadly.   
      
   	- American Bison.  If Conan's lucky he might head-butt   
   with him.  They need a relationship, getting a condo maybe.   
   They're an endangered species, but like Conan.   
      
      
      
   Conan's Old Roommate Is Doing A Quadruple Bypass:   
   	- Conan has to give advice to surgeon Brian McCann.   
   Conan interned at Cleveland.  He screws it up.  Is laughter the   
   best medicine?  A Doctor Phil joke is not comedy.  Not going to   
   the reunion might be a good idea.   
      
      
      
   Dule Hill:   
   	- He doesn't like animals, or animal segments.  Liked a   
   pit bull, though.  He's from Jamaica.  He starts to pick up the   
   local accent when he's there long enough.  Conan picking up a   
   Jamaican accent shows right away.   
      
   	- Dule Hill's a sexiest man alive for the right category.   
    He can tell his children that at 31 he was sexy.   
      
   	- He can't stand techno music, ``you need to drink too   
   much.''  Conan seems to enjoy it.  Hill knows both of the black   
   people in Vancouver.   
      
      
   Louis CK:   
   	- He has to buy a belt.  He's gotten fat enough to get a   
   body shelf, and finds loose things in there.  His fat boobs he   
   speculates are the only thing a 12-year-old girl and a   
   39-year-old man have in common.  He speculates it's all due to   
   his eating.  He works out elaborate pantomimes for eating   
   altogether too many cookies.   
      
   	- Chinatown isn't another country, but they have stranger   
   foods there, like a barrel of duck vaginas.  Is it possible to   
   dominate a species more than that?  He didn't buy any because,   
   after all, what if he loved them?   
      
   	- He's been to the HBO Emmy Party, despite not belonging   
   there, and stood around the Sopranos table.  James Gandolfini   
   laughed.  He's adjusting to being married, but doesn't miss being   
   single as he wasn't good at it.  He's realized that dating him is   
   somebody's rock-bottom moment.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)