From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Looking for a funeral.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- NASA has suspended Lisa Nowak for 30 days.  So she won't be   
   operating a spacecraft until March 10 at the earliest.  Al Gore may run   
   for president at the Oscars, making Oscar speeches even more boring.   
   Cuba is deporting a top Columbian drug lord, kicking out the one person   
   in Cuba who doesn't want to go to America.  He'll get us with this one.   
   In Vermont a man is charged with masturbating while skiing.  he   
   apologized; he just really, really likes skiing.  American Idols   
   producers kicked off a contestant who'd been busted for smoking pot; he   
   didn't share with Paula Abdul.  A Florida production of The Vagina   
   Monologues changed its title to avoid offending people; the new title is   
   The Baby Hole.   
   	   
   	- Actually a suspension of 30 days from February 9 would bring   
   us to March 12.   
      
      
   Walkover Music: The Beatles, 'All My Loving'.   
      
      
   This Day In Black History:   
   	- In 1952 Ralph Ellison won the National Book Award for The   
   Invisible Man; in 1964 Arthur Ashe was the first black in the US Tennis   
   team.  There's seething resentment from Mike Merritt.  He wants to be in   
   a sketch where he talks out loud.  ``Oh, well, folks, see you next   
   year.''   
      
      
   Celebrity Survey:  Celebrity spellings approximate.   
   	When it comes to newspaper columnists I tend to share the views of ...   
   	Al Franken; Maureen Dowd.  Tom Selleck: William F Buckley.   
   george W Bush: Garfield.   
   	   
   	The typical two-year-old ...   
   	Brad Pitt: is smarter than you might think.  Matt Lauer:   
   alternatively provides frustration and joy.  Britney Spears: fits   
   perfectly in a dryer while I go out clubbing.   
   	   
   	When I'm in front of my congregation I try to remember ...   
   	Pat Robertson: to inspire as many people as I can.  Jerry   
   Falwell: to do my best to spread the word of God.  Ted Haggert: to say   
   ``Amen'' instead of ``Ah, men!''   
   	   
   	I can't wait until my baby is old enough to say ...   
   	Ben Stiller: I love you, daddy.  Couldn't make out who: Hug me,   
   Mommy.  Donald Trump: Rosie O'Donnell is a fat, fat loser.   
   	   
   	When it comes to charities i prefer to ...   
   	Hillary Swank: give anonymously.  Bono: give generously.  Max   
   Weinberg: give ``the finger''.  Conan loves that picture.   
   	   
   	Most people die ...   
   	Scarlett Johansen: with too many regrets.  Russell Crow: before   
   their time.  Larry King: but not me.   
   	   
   	The worst part about being very thin is ...   
   	Someone: your clothes have to be custom-made.  Cameron Diaz:   
   people think you have an eating distorder.  Nicole Ritchie: parking   
   meter thieves who bang on your head to get quarters.  That's pity   
   applause.   
   	   
   	The fastest way to contact me is to ...   
   	Bruce Springsteen: call my record label.  Matthew O'Connahey:   
   call my agent.  Dick Cheney: put a goat's head in a pentagram.   
   	   
   	When I saw the Super Bowl commercial with Kevin Federline   
   working the fryer at a fast food restaurant I thought ...   
   	Brian Williams: he's got a sense of humor about himself.   
   Jessica Alba: it was my favorite Super Bowl ad.  Scott Baio: he's doing   
   it wrong.   
   	   
   	When I want a quick snack I reach for ...   
   	Kate Hudson: an apple.  Evangeline Lily: a granola bar.  Kirstie   
   Alley: a custard hose.   
   	   
   	A news program without journalistic integrity is:   
   	Walter Cronkite: a fraud.  Tom Brokaw: a disgrace.  Geraldo   
   Rivera: At Large with Geraldo, Saturday at 9 on Fox.   
   	   
   	When I want my man to know I'm interested I slip on:   
   	Penelope Cruz: a sexy nightie.  Uma Thurman: one of his dress   
   shirts.  Lisa Nowak: a crotchless diaper.   
   	   
      
      
   Dylan McDermott:   
   	- It's been 13 years since his last #1 movie.  He wants to do a   
   thrust dance.  He only does it when he has a #1 movie.  Movie was   
   directed by the Pang brothers, Chinese identical twins.  They don't   
   speak English; they speak in metaphors: a tree grows in the shade and in   
   the sun.  Action.  He doesn't get it but will do it anyway.  Their names   
   are Danny and Oxide.  Conan believes that's used to change gold into   
   brass.  He's just trying to get through it.  They never direct the same   
   day.  Conan thinks it's the same guy charging double.  On to The Vagina   
   Monologues.  He's the original Vagina Warrior.  You have to fall down   
   the vagina in the play.  Is Conan a Vagina Warrior?  Sir, yes, sir.  In   
   a play about torture he had to wear underwear and spank himself.  He   
   used to work in his dad's bar as a kid; now that he thinks about it,   
   that was probably illegal.  He was a busboy.  When he was 15 he had   
   three 30-year-old girlfriends.  Conan watched Star Wars.  Dylan would   
   pull up in his bike.  His movie had 20 trained Czech crows to attack   
   him.  It was filmed in Regina.  He was king.  It's a strange job when   
   they staple meat to your chest so crows will attack it.   
      
      
   Conan loved the Hollies for intro music.   
      
      
   Conan needs a break:   
   	He goes back to Joes (sic).  Conan owes $100 for the Super Bowl   
   pool and didn't even watch the game.   
      
      
      
   Michael Urie:   
   	- He won a Golden Globe, one year after sitting in his home in   
   his underwear eating pork rinds watching it on TV.  He'd been doing an   
   off-off Broadway play Phenomenon, a not-quite-musical about Mount Saint   
   Helens.  He knows.  He had a song about being a geologist, which was a   
   big hit every night.  It's a very nice crowd.  Conan would have opened   
   fire at that show.  Did Michael ever contemplate changing his name?   
   He's half-Italian but didn't want to be known as Michael Lorenzo since   
   he doesn't fit the name, and didn't want to go as Michael Lorenzo Urie   
   as he couldn't pull it off.  It takes too much time; Conan didn't have   
   time for *that* examples.  Rebecca Romijn just joined the cast, playing   
   a man who turned into a woman.   
      
      
      
   Lamb of God:   
   	- From ``Sack Me''?  It's pretty metal, so I couldn't make out   
   the lyrics, but it was fun watching and listening to.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)