From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:	   
   	- ``Good to see you'' doesn't really get a ``thank you''.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Valentine's Day tomorrow, surprising guys in the audience.   
   Laura Bush says President Bush always forgets it.  Unless a holiday has   
   a bunny or a flying reindeer ... Mitt Romney's running for President;   
   they found some people who care.  He would be the first Mormon   
   President.  He hopes to win the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them.   
    Cuba restricts Internet use because it's a wild new technology, like   
   the 8-track, typewriter, and Tupperware.  A Qantas flight attendant was   
   having sex in the bathroom with Ray Finnes.  She misunderstood when he   
   said he wanted hot nuts.  (Rimshot.)  Conan's mailing these to the New   
   York Times.  Star Wars fans can buy $120 replicas of Yoda's light sabre,   
   or could lose their virginity.  Britney Spears got a letter from a rabbi   
   that told her to wear underwear, or at least put a yarmulke on that   
   thing.   
      
      
   Britney Spears:   
   	- She's been in New York City hotspots with no sign of her kids.   
    Max is disgusted she left behind her uncovered vagina.   
   	   
      
   Navy's Trained Dolphins:   
   	- To fight terrorism.  No, really.  Marine mammals play a big   
   part in the show.  Audience is screened by the Late Night Whale, who   
   found a gun.  The 8th most realistic whale they can afford.   
      
      
      
   Norbit:   
   	- Main attraction seeing Eddie Murphy playing multiple roles.   
   Joel is unimpressed.  He plays Moongazer, hippie cameraman; Moses   
   Sigelman, accountant; Jeff Rutherford, tennis pro; Aunie Sassafrass with   
   the catchphase ``Don't you pay me no mind, sugar child.''   
      
      
      
   Journal of Neuroscience:   
   	- Male sweat has a chemical boosting sexual arousal in women.   
   It's a problem for Pierre Bernard, who doesn't get to sweat much.  They   
   try him out on Claire Bodun, research assistant.  She's not attracted to   
   him in the least.  They get out a stationary bike for Pierre.  She leaps   
   into the arms of the grip who brings out the bike.  PIerre begs her to   
   come back.  He's ALONE.  He pedals more.   
      
      
   Eva Longoria:   
   	- There's a man who pulls the curtain out.  They used to use a   
   motivated rabbit.  He waved at her at something or other; her fiancee   
   *scowled*.  She's learned bits of French, mostly food-oriented.  Conan's   
   intimidated by people who speak real French.  She'll have the   
   bluh-bluh-bleh, showing how hard she studied.  She got a wine that   
   turned out to cost three thousand dollars, to her horror.  She didn't   
   like it until she noticed the price.   
   	   
   	- Her fiancee plays pro basketball.  She's almost got into   
   fights with people who're mean to her and yell how he sucks, hurting his   
   feelings.  Her dad hunts and makes his own bullets, like MacGyver.  They   
   used to steal the bullets' gunpowder and makes little bombs, so that's   
   why the Federal government is looking for her.  There's rumors on the   
   Internet; she hates the Internet.  Rumor she would make a lesbian movie   
   with Beyonce.  It even showed up on CNN.  Neither of them knew anything   
   about it.  He'd donate some money for it.  He's got a title.  'The   
   Greatest Movie Ever Made.'  She saw a rumor that she bought nineteen   
   thousand dollars of stuff at Harrod's.  She's having her fun plot twists   
   on Desperate Housewives.  They shot around that woman who's having   
   twins, including redecorating her house to make it the set and shoot her   
   at home.  She didn't know they could do that.  Eva would be glad to work   
   from home.   
      
      
   New Sponsor:   
   	- Ahoy, Kids!  Spongebob's Malt Liquor.  The same drink that   
   makes Spongebob so cheery.  Betcha can't finish two!   
      
      
   Fred Willard:   
   	- He's got a purple suit and blue socks; he's a Batman villain.   
   His grandson Freddy's nine and a fan; he watches by Tivo.  He wondered   
   if Conan is asleep when his own show comes on.  He usually is awake, but   
   doesn't watch; he finds himself cloying and disgusting.  New York City's   
   changed; his billfold was stolen recently, but -- without the money --   
   was mailed back to him, with a smiley face sticker on it.  Ten years ago   
   they wouldn't have.  A flasher on the Subway had a little ``Happy   
   Valentine's Day'' heart on the end of his member.  This morning he heard   
   a man yell ``Stan!  I made love to your wife last night and she was   
   terrific!''  She really wasn't, but Stan is such a nice guy ...  His   
   wife's more romantic.  Her last boyfriend proposed to her on the Madison   
   Square Garden Jumbotron, and she agreed, though Fred protested they were   
   already married.  ``Well, he needs me.''  He was at the William Shatner   
   roast.  A minister was impressed by this; they're working on a roast of   
   Jesus.  Fred's working on a story about John the Baptist's beheading.   
   The punch line is something about heads-or-tails.  `For Your   
   Consideration' is improvised, but it's very tightly blocked out and it's   
   carefully supervised and it's a lot of Second City people.  He did find   
   one spot where defying the improvisation rule to not tell jokes, he used   
   ``Well, you know what they say about blind prostitutes, you really have   
   to hand it to them.''  He doesn't know which clip it is.  With his movie   
   haircut his wife was upset: they couldn't leave the house for six   
   months.  He was looking forward to seeing the Interrupter.  The   
   Interrupter rifled through his wallet/billfold.  He spent the money on   
   airplane glue and Korean pornography.  It's a common interest.   
      
      
   Lila Allen:   
   	- 'All Right Still': When I See You Smile, perhaps?  Reasonably   
   pretty song, although I didn't get the feeling that it had much of a   
   flow to it.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)