From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Not seeming enthused, and he works there.  The crowd didn't   
   agree they'd have a good time until one guy said 'I think we will'.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- JetBlue has apologized; its president introduced a Passenger   
   Bill of Rights, including the rights to fly Delta and United.  The White   
   House denied that the Iraq War is the worst foreign policy mistake in US   
   history; they point out Bush still has two more years in office.  Bush   
   spoke with the prime minister of Australia on the phone.  When the Prime   
   Minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia Bush's head exploded.   
   Barry Bonds has a security guard in spring training; he needs him to pee   
   in a cup for him.  Spike TV is doing a reality TV show for amateur   
   detectives to try solving real crimes, for the reassuring 'Your loved   
   one is dead, but don't worry, Gary Coleman is on the case.'  Britney   
   Spears showed up at a club wearing a blonde wig; to not be recognized,   
   she wore underwear.   
      
   	- For the record, I've spent more time stuck on a United plane   
   on the tarmac at Chicago waiting to take off to fly to Newark than I've   
   spent flying *from* Chicago to Newark.  Altogether too often they try to   
   amuse us by playing the 'Starsky and Hutch' movie.  I will not be flying   
   from Chicago to Newark any more.  One could argue I barely was.   
      
      
   Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Radio Merger Small Talk Moment:   
   	- Max is excited, for things like Mojo Nixon.  I'm vaguely   
   interested in satellite radio since they've got old-time radio and I   
   rather like Fibber McGee and Molly, Lum & Abner, and particularly Fred   
   Allen.  Conan likes Musical Star Streams.   
      
      
   Ways for Britney Spears to look Weirder:   
   	- Michael Jackson nose and Angelina Jolie lips.  She's a blade   
   runner.   
   	   
   	- African lip plate and neck rings.   
   	   
   	- Shave her teeth into sharp points.   
   	   
      
   The New La Bamba:   
   	- He's better-shaved than yesterday.  Jerry puts on the Salvador   
   Dali moustache, the 70s Porn Star moustache, Charlie Chaplin, and of   
   course the Hitler, which gets booed (booing Hitler is the understatement   
   of the century -- ``That guy ruined the 20th century!''  ``Don't worry,   
   I got it.  Boo!''), and a Mentos sticker.   
      
      
   Mark Pender wrote a song to tell Britney how he feels:   
   	- It was not too long ago, that you were my fantasy, now yoy've   
   shaved all of your hair, and you look like a female me.  Oh, Britney, I   
   hate to say, but I've got to put you on the shelf, 'cause thinking about   
   you that way is like masturbating to myself.  Oh, Britney!!!!!  Why do   
   you have to look like me?   Oh baby baby baby baby baby Britney yah!   
   (Shiminiy shiminy hey hey.)  Shiminiy shiminy hey hey.  ( Shiminey   
   bababababy.)  Shiminey bababababy.  Shimini ... oh, it's all scatting,   
   just accept it.   
   	   
      
   Conan's Cue Card Guy is running slow:   
   	- Conan jokes it's like waiting for a jetBlue plane.  A jetBlue   
   pilot argues about it; kicking a guy (well, a company) when he was down.   
    For the cheap joke Conan's lost a fan.  He said he was leaving and he's   
   leaving.  He'll be leaving any second.  He's leaving soon.  He's going   
   up the aisle.  He offers some potato chips.  He'll be leaving shortly;   
   there was a little miscommunication.  He knows Conan has a choice of   
   people to offend and drive out of his studio and he thanks Conan for   
   choosing jet Blue.  He'll leave in about 13 hours.  A pilot for   
   Southwest Airlines leaves now, and he means now.  The show's brought to   
   us by Southwest Airlines.   
   	   
      
   Heather Graham:   
   	- She likes Conan's Woody Woodpecker hair.  She had braces, with   
   the head-wrapping things.  She passed it off as being cool; Conan could   
   never pull that off.  He didn't manage cute; he was beaten up around the   
   clock and some more.  'Is that why you became so funny?'  'Thank you   
   very much.  No.'  She went scuba diving in shark waters.  A woman she   
   was with wanted to go in a tank and be attacked.  This wasn't like that.   
    There was this guy feeding a small shark a fish head with his bare   
   hands.  Is there advice for if sharks attack?  She was told to stare at   
   them.  They were having fun at her expense.  They were watching Jaws the   
   night before.  'Let's watch Jaws, then throw blood in the water, then   
   jump in the water with the sharks and make funny faces at it.'  Conan's   
   level of adventure is to go to the aquarium, look at the smallest fish   
   for a while, then eat a big pasta dish.  She described a kiss with   
   Bridget Moynihan (sp?) to a reporter as 'pretty good' and Bridget was   
   upset about being only 'pretty good' and text messaged her about this   
   krunk.  She's talking up how Bridget is the best kisser ever.  Conan   
   said he'll find out.  Or she's taunting him.  She thinks Conan kissing a   
   guy would be hot; Conan points out how nobody agreed with her on that.   
   She's hoping this movie will get her attention; she hasn't got much from   
   guys, so why not from women?  There was a rating flap.  In the movie she   
   falls in love with her brother's wife, and they have a fantasy scene   
   with her topless, and they fought over a PG-13 rating.  Conan agrees,   
   there should be more bare breasts.  Breasts on Nickelodeon.  Now the   
   audience is with him.  He doesn't agree there should be more male nudity   
   as the male body is disgusting.  Well, his is.  We'll talk later.  She   
   probably won't.  He'll call to talk about his body; she'll hang up.   
   	   
   	- Her dress fell off and Conan had a heart attack.   
      
      
   Lewis Black:   
   	- He's not gonna kiss Conan.  The Anna Nicole Smith thing   
   depresses him; she had more of a life than three of them, but it bumped   
   the astronauts story.  He wants to see Lisa Nowak and company.  Everyone   
   has someone they would obsess with, but we stop.  What made her think   
   she must put on the Depends *now*?  What was the cracking point?  Why is   
   it so unseemly for astronauts, are they like priests?  They go to the   
   Moon, searching for something even greater than love, something you   
   can't see or feel ... He always thought astronauts didn't have genitals.   
    Conan hadn't thought about it that much.  He got a comedy album Grammy,   
   but the award was bumped off the TV show.  It's in the little Grammies,   
   at a buffet in Los Angeles somewhere.  After seventy Grammies get listed   
   you wonder if they mean so much anymore.  He was around number 72.  He   
   wasn't prepared since he figured the other guys were much funnier.  He   
   went into shock when he was called; his blood sugar dropped, he figured   
   he needed to eat.  He got on stage and didn't know what to say.  He had   
   a very nice piano teacher, but she had arthritis, and her house smelled   
   like death.  (One of the Glade scents now.)  He took six years of   
   lessons; he can play the first three notes of 'Cast Your Faith Away'.   
   That was as far as she could go without having to lie down.  Every   
   comedian gets groupies; why do you think they call it polka?  Who had a   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)