From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   String dance!  It's just Conesey-Wonesey.   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Practicing that line for hours before the show.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- British government is withdrawing troops from Iraq.  It could   
   be a while; they're flying jetBlue.  Denmark and Lithuania are pulling   
   their troops out of Iraq.  It's one guy who's half-Danish,   
   half-Lithuanian.  His name's Thor Nisdale.  Barack Obama and Hillary   
   Clinton have MySpace pages.  Barack's got twice as many MySpace friends.   
    It's almost as impressive as Bill Clinton's on Match.com.  Britney   
   Spears checked into rehab, and today checked out.  She's all better.   
   Her hair's being sold on eBay, for over a million dollars.  A collector   
   with a lock of Lincoln's hair said it's only worth five thousand   
   dollars.  So everybody clear their heads and take the advice of the guy   
   who owns a piece of Lincoln's hair.  Dancing With The Stars producers   
   announced this season it'll feature Billy Ray Cyrus, Joey Fatone from   
   N'Sync, and Ian Ziering from 90210, and is changing its name to Dancing   
   With People Who Sound Vaguely Familiar.  (I figured he'd quip that they   
   would also get some stars.)   
      
      
   Keep It Real, Conan!   
   	- He's never kept it real.  Look at his hair, made of weird   
   foam.   
      
      
   University of Massachusetts Survey:   
   	- Ordinary people tell about two lies every ten minutes.  Joel   
   thinks it's outrageous; he doesn't lie that much.  Conan knows Joel's a   
   good person.  They talk about getting together tonight.  Joel's plans   
   include getting drunk, listening to Billy Holiday, and looking at crime   
   scene photographs.  What a fun little play they did.  Conan bows.   
   	   
      
   Conan On The Aisle Oscar Edition:   
   	- The Queen.  He doubts Helen Mirrin is a shoe-in for the Queen.   
    She has a silly voice.   
   	   
   	- Superman Returns.  Technical award.  Conan hated the endless   
   scenes about how hard it is to deal with super-strength in everyday   
   life.  Supes crushes his mother's heart and sternum.   
   	   
   	- The Devil Wears Prada.  He doubts the producers read the book,   
   but just took the title literally.  There's a Prada-wearing devil.   
   You'd think a big movie could afford a decent devil.   
   	   
   	- An Inconvenient Truth.  Conan thought the trailer was tedious.   
    Patagonia, Kilimanjaro, half-gallon of ice cream, TV Guide, porn star   
   Ron Jeremy, et cetera.   
   	   
   	- Letters From Iwo Jima.  Eastwood didn't speak Japanese.  I   
   have the order from Genral Hayashi.  you are to begin the attack   
   immediately.  Hey, I know this is the scene where we argue but I can't   
   remember my lines.  Eastwood won't know the difference.  Let's just fake   
   it.  Okay, I'll talk real loud!  That should fool him.  And since   
   Eastwood didn't bother to learn Japanese, let me just say I thought   
   'Million Dollar Baby' was an overrated piece of krunk.  That was fun.   
   I'll bet the krunk bought it.  See you at lunch!   
      
      
      
   Jim Carrey:   
   	- He starts singing about how he doesn't care.  (He's turning   
   into the Geico caveman.)  It's not grown for a part, but he's got a part   
   in it.  He loves long hair.  They start singing 'Hair!', from the   
   musical.  He has this reputation for being nutty and crazy, then he   
   snaps and people get scared.  He's gotten into quantum physics, like   
   about the stochastic phase-shifting of a parametrically driven electron   
   in a penny trap, and bistablility arises dynamically in this specific   
   parametrically-driven system as the phase psi of the electron's   
   steady-state oscillation can either have the two values separated by pi.   
    's shocked by an electron in a penny trap as most amplitude collapses   
   are accompanied by a phase flip given that the rate of escape from the   
   trap depends exponentially on the activation energy E as the diffusion   
   constant D approaches T_n.  And rho approaches epsilon to the negative E   
   over D.  Max doesn't know about it; did you consider parametric driving   
   force excites a nearly resonant electron oscillation at the drive   
   frequency, omega_d/3 equals omega_c plus epsilon, a classic example of   
   period-doubling when a linear oscillator is strongly driven.  Did he   
   just say the omega_d over three equals omega_c plus epsilon?  Yeah.   
   It's actually omega_d over *two* ... Max knows nothing about quantum   
   physics.  Note that this is *completely* different from the cosmic brane   
   thing Jim Carrey did a couple appearances ago, and also *wholly*   
   original to the Small Talk Moments.   
   	   
   	- Britney Spears, the comedy failsafe.  He's studied human   
   nature and believes we have a collective ego that needs somebody like   
   that whom we feel superior to.  Shirley Maclaine, Kathie Lee Gifford,   
   Kevin Federline, et cetera.  They're easy go-to jokes.  There's a   
   Conologue review going *way* back to the pre-eggshell-foam Conologue set   
   for the Kathie Lee Gifford and Federline things.  Conan looks horrified.   
    Carrey's been playing hockey; he played when he was about ten.  He was   
   allowed to curse on the ice.  'You son of a dead bragalaga!'  It's big   
   in French Canada.  One year he had the most penalties on his team,   
   almost impossible when you're a goalie.  He'd leave the goal and pursue   
   people to center ice.  Conan's sport is basketball, and while Conan   
   talks about it Carrey calls his wife.  He'll text her in the next   
   segment.  The Number 23 is about a guy who thinks the number wants him   
   to hurt those he loves.  Allegedly there are people who think 23 has   
   mystical powers.  If the world ends in 2012, well, good luck with the   
   Tonight Show.  There's supposedly 230 lights in the show, 23 with pink   
   gels, which somehow works out to 92 which is four times 23.  It's   
   everywhere you look, If you just accept the stuffed mushrooms bleeding   
   house wine can't chip my whistle on the swollen Sunday hemoglobin.   
   Which makes no sense, but has 23 words in it.  Heidi Klum has 23 letters   
   in her name if you count it right.  He spits up a C-23 Bingo ball.   
   ``See 23 this Friday'', the cheesiest thing Conan's ever seen.   
   	   
      
   Al Roker:   
   	- Conan does his recalling hand-motion.  He noticed on the Today   
   Show Roker's started referring to good-looking male guests as man-candy.   
    Is that appropriate for him?  He likes to think of them as Whitman's   
   Samplers.  Would Conan qualify?  He's more of a Man-Veggie, somewhat of   
   a turnip.  He's a sinful escape for Al Roker.  Remember black men like   
   white women.  Once again they've run out of time.  Go back to his 6 am   
   job standing outside in the rain.  He has to go out early to see if it's   
   raining; he doesn't get a window.  'It's raining!  I'm wet!'  He got a   
   job backstage at the Miss America pageant.  It is the most brutal place:   
   if a woman gashes her leg on the way to stage they patch her leg with   
   superglue.  Chicken Cutlet, there, are silicone pieces used to augment   
   breasts.  He can say breasts on TV.  Chestular region?  Just as Conan's   
   wearing now.  Even Billy Bush, host, wears them.  They won't let him   
   back.  He gave Tara Conner a drink.  The weather is his domain, yet he   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)