From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Tivo listed guests this night as Peter O'Toole and Hellogoodbye, forcing   
   me to wonder when Jimmy Fallon's name was mentioned to wonder what kind   
   of sick, twisted world it is when Peter O'Toole is *second* to Fallon.   
   It turns out I read the listings for Leno's show.   
   Max is:   
   	- In need of a stick to get his point across.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Denmark and Lithuania are pulling their troops out of Iraq.   
   They'll pull out the same day so all four guys can carpool.  He acted   
   out a carpool.  Bush flew to North Carolina to discuss plans to cut gas   
   consumption.  The best idea was to not fly Air Force One to North   
   Carolina; he can take a bike.  Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have   
   been sniping.  Good news for Obama is bickering with Hillary is making   
   him look Presidential.  The audience may have been correct about that   
   response.  Arnold Schwartzenegger called John McCain a great senator and   
   good friend, as McCain is so much easier to pronounce than Rudy   
   Giuliani.  And then he eats a sausage.  Ikea (don't woo) (he contests   
   the audience with this) (it goes too far) (the joke has no chance) will   
   start charing for plastic bags at the checkout counter.  They'll come in   
   two sizes, Gluten and Sven.  A ten-minute setup for *that*.  Paris   
   Hilton's birthday is this week; she threw herself a birthday party and   
   brought two dates, explaining why she said, 'No cake for me, I had a   
   sandwich in the car.'  (A pause, gasps of horror, then a round of   
   applause.)   
      
      
   Walkover Music: Up Around the Bend, Creedence Clearwater Revival.   
      
      
   Strange Story on the Internet:   
   	- La Dolce Vita.  Its owners filed a copyright infringement   
   against a porn producer.  Max is disgusted by the shameless filth   
   merchant.  Max wanted La Dolce Vita and was shocked to find it was some   
   old Italian movie instead.  This never happened in renting Star Whores   
   or Romancing the Bone.  They had trouble with the flag unfolding, which   
   outrages Max.  You'd think gravity would handle that.   
   	   
      
   It's time to look into the future, all the way to the Year 2000:   
   	- Crazed gunmen will hijack a jetBlue airliner and force it to   
   go to its scheduled destination on time.   
   	   
   	- Angry parent groups will get the letter 'Q' kicked out of the   
   alphabet when it's revealed that it's just an 'O' with its junk hanging   
   out.   
      
   	- Britney Spears will reveal the reason she shaved her head is   
   to reduce aerodynamic drag as she plummets from fame.   
   	   
   	- ( Jimmy puts on deelybops.  Conan disapproves. )   
   	   
   	- N'Sync will partially reunite when Justin Timberlake stops in   
   at a chili's and Joey Fatone takes his order.   
   	   
   	- Controversy will erupt at the Oscars when Helen Mirrin   
   dedicates her award to whoever shot Biggy Smalls.   
   	   
   	- Soul music will become less popular when the women stop   
   calling women 'Baby' and start calling them 'Me Hearties'   
   	   
   	- George W Bush will no longer be referred to as America's   
   Dumbest President but instead as America's Most Successful Retard.   
   	   
   	- In a poll where people are given a choice between Hillary   
   Clinton and Barack Obama sixty percent of women say they'd rather vote   
   for Obama, and eighty percent of men say they'd rather sleep with Obama.   
      
      
      
      
   Jimmy Fallon:   
   	- His parents were around last time; they've lost their minds.   
   They met his girlfriend's parents for the first time.  The night before   
   Mom called and said 'OK, don't get mad,' but his Dad is missing a tooth   
   because one was knocked out.  The dentist won't take him.  He just won't   
   smile, despite being a happy guy.  And she was rubbing her eye in her   
   sleep and has a bloody eyeball.  Dad kept his money in his bathing suit.   
    He microwaved it to dry it off.  There's metal in money now.  The   
   microwave caught on fire.  He and his girlfriend went to France for ten   
   days, and had only one fight, that lasted nine days.  Touch of Woody   
   Allen and John Travolta combined.  He got to perform with Pete Townshend   
   of The Who.  They met at a Madison Square Garden show.  Got to get on   
   stage to sing 'Let It Be' with Paul McCartney.  There was another   
   celebrity who didn't want to walk out with Pete and wanted to do better.   
    It was Regis, who wanted the Scissor Sisters.  He dyed his hair blond   
   for 'Factory Girl', which sounds like a good idea until you try it.   
   Things get on about Ty's hair; I don't know who Ty is in this context.   
   He took a camera picture of Jerome Bonaparte, which vaguely resembles   
   Conan with an exposed brain.   
      
      
   Max got some red wine on his tie:   
   	- Maybe he should be 'Max Winestain'.  God shows up to tell him   
   that's the stupidest joke ever made.  He orders Gabriel to give him the   
   shotgun and blow up Earth over that really bad joke.  War, tidal waves,   
   famine, those happen for good reasons; Wine Stain a child would know   
   better.  God blows up the planet; that was just a model to scare Conan.   
   That gives Max the chills.  Conan suggests naming him Max Iceberg.  God   
   chases Conan with a baseball bat.   
      
      
   Keith Olberman:   
   	- Thanks for having him back after only nine years.  He was   
   renewed on MSNBC, rare by itself.  48 more months till it's over.  He   
   does a countdown to the worst person of the world.  Not just bad people,   
   but more political or societal, like two doctors in Serbia, one who was   
   treating a patient.  The other walks in and slaps him; they start   
   fighting in the middle of an appendix operation.  Those would be the   
   worst people in the world that day.  Bill O'Reilly shows up on the list   
   not more than once a day.  He's ... He's an idiot.  Conan's a fan as he   
   has an O' in front of his name.  Spring Training's started.  Olberman   
   has a large baseball card collection; his writing career started on   
   baseball cards.  Some are collector's items.  He brought some. Tops 1972   
   Billy Martin: he's got one finger holding his bat.  They wanted to see   
   if they could get away with that.  1966 Claude Raymond: his fly's open.   
   Next year, he had the same problem.  His face looks like a crazed sex   
   offender.  Or that he's been surprised with his fly open.  1989 Billy   
   Ripken: Apparently an accident.  There's something written on the bottom   
   of the bat, 'Krunk Face'.  No, 'Muck Race'.  Olberman knows what they're   
   going to put on after firing him; who are they putting on after firing   
   Conan?  They've got someone ready on a chute, like a Dixie Cup.  They   
   pull a string, new guy drops in, blahblahblah, 'We've got a great show   
   tonight'!   
   	   
   	+ My dad insists on the car on listening to right-wing talk   
   radio despite his not agreeing with anyone to the right of Nelson   
   Rockefeller.  The guy the other day talked repeatedly about the network   
   'PMSNBC', which in his little world is apparently considered witty.   
   	   
   	+ Incidentally, The New York Times reports that Jimmy Fallon's   
   been signed to a development deal with NBC with particular interest in   
   making him Conan's successor on Late Night.   
      
      
   Steven Kaplan, Bread Expert:   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)