From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   String Dance tonight   
   Max is:   
   	- Awkward.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- The Neilsen ratings for Oscars were up among 18-to-34   
   year-olds.  But it's misleading; viewers who were 18 at the beginning of   
   the show were over 50 when it ended.  James Cameron claims to have the   
   coffin Jesus was buried in.  Just what we need, another celebrity who's   
   found Jesus.  (Interesting.  We'll move on.)  Republican Mitt Romney   
   plans to differentiate himself from President Bush with a single word,   
   intelligence.  Bush said 'intelligence' is two words.  Tom Vilsak   
   dropped out of the Presidential Race; his supports are divided on who to   
   support.  One guy likes Obama, the other Clinton.  (There's only two.)   
   Krispy Kreme (now you're listening) is coming out with a low-fat,   
   180-calorie whole-wheat doughnut, called a `bagel'.  The Census Bureau   
   says the tendency of elderly people is to leave Florida and move up   
   north.  Not on purpose; they just keep getting lost on the way to the   
   supermarket.  (Love you, Mom.)  A Catholic school principal in Los   
   Angeles is making his students go to sensitivity training because they   
   were chanting ``We Love Jesus'' in a basketball game against a Jewish   
   school.  In their defense, Jesus had just hit two really clutch   
   free-throws.   
      
   	+ Actually, it's an ossuary, not a coffin, although they service   
   similar ideas.   
      
      
   Walkover Music: Disco Inferno   
   	- They don't need to hear Disco Inferno anymore.  Conan will   
   clear their songs now.  No he won't.   
      
      
   This is DOUBLE LETTER WEEK!   
   	- Monday, Jim GaFFigan.  Two F's!   
   	   
   	- Wednesday, LaRRy King.  Two R's comin' at you!   
   	   
   	- Thursday, Anderson COOper, That's Two O's, and Rob CorDDry,   
   check out those double D's!   
   	   
   	- Friday, Ted KoPPel.  One P, Two P, Boo-Yah!   
   	   
   	- Tonight, Jake GyLLenhAAl.  Two L's, two A's, same name.   
   Brother of MaGGie GyLLenhAAl, two G's, two L's, two A's, engaged to   
   Peter SarsgAArd, two more A's, one family!  Two G's, four L's, six A's,   
   oh yeah!   
   	   
   	- Don't miss a second of Double Letter Week, isn't that right,   
   ChewbaCCa?  Two C's, Wookie Style!   
   	   
   	- You know what's sad, people are excited about that.  We should   
   have thought of that years ago.  The curtain closes sadly, eventually,   
   on Chewbacca.  Not a good costume.  Looks like another costume that was   
   burned.   
      
   	+ This was a wonderfully good, silly bit.   
      
      
   If They Mated:   
   	- Matthew Perry, Meg Ryan: He's just been told about it.  The   
   child: Looks like a bad wax Ronald Reagan.  Seems like a pleasant   
   fellow.   
   	   
   	- Drew Barrymore, Zach Braff: Seen canoodling.  The child: Looks   
   like an insult on Chef.  'Why won't anyone dance with me?'   
   	   
   	- Sienna Miller, P Diddy: Looks like an exotic dancer, but I   
   can't say of what gender.  Conan has a similar reaction.   
   	   
   	- Howard Stern, Beth Ostroski: I think it's Schneider from 'One   
   Day At A Time.'  Conan hopes he doesn't see that.   
   	   
   	- Renee Zellwiger, Luke Perry: Neither is thrilled about it.   
   The child: A funhouse Gilbert Gottfried.   
   	   
   	- Cameron Diaz, Djimon Hounsou ('Blood Diamonds'): It ... looks   
   like a slur directed at somebody, but don't ask me who.  'Interesting   
   hair.'   
   	   
   	- Jack Nicholson, Britney Spears: La Bamba!  Who still hasn't   
   got his moustache back.   
      
   	+ I'm serious about that Cameron Diaz/Djimon Hounsou thing.  It   
   doesn't quite rise to the level of the 'Darlie' toothbrush figure, but   
   it wasn't comfortable.   
      
      
      
   Vanity and Narcissism are on the rise in College Students:   
   	- Get over it.  You're not as special, as genius, as almost   
   divine as Conan.  The More You Know.   
   	   
   	   
   Jake Gyllenhaal:   
   	- The chair makes him do patty-cake.  Nice suit; cashmere and   
   goat's blood.  Can't wait for it to be taken out of context.  Did he go   
   to the Oscars?  No.  Little disturbed by the dance troupe, Palavolas.   
   They'd dance behind a screen in leotards and make shadows.  He was in a   
   dance troupe in high school.  It was traumatic.  He joined because there   
   weren't any guys, and the girls asked.  The show reminded him of all the   
   weird moves, the Snakes on a Plane thing, freaked him out.  Pretty much   
   every year there's someone doing that on the Oscars.  Did it bring   
   things back?  It did, and he has to stop.   
   	   
   	- Sister Maggie presented; she's a new mother.  He changed   
   diapers once, never again.  He'd wanted to try it out.  His sister likes   
   organics.  He unknotted the organic diaper -- it's made of bananas and   
   straw -- and it was unfortunate.  He never knew what came out could be   
   orange; he has a short gag reflex.  He gagged and retreated, waving his   
   arms all the way.   
   	   
   	- Morocco was incredible.  Shooting 'Tangerines.'  Many animals   
   like turtles ('and something called the rabbit ... and a creature called   
   bird that can achieve flight somehow').  Also scorpions and snakes and   
   toads.  He's heard the toads cause hallucinations and death if you touch   
   them.  He figured he was fine to not touch anything, but he kicked what   
   turned out to be a toad, sending it about four feet.  He freaked out   
   because it touched his shoe.  He thought he was tripping out ('Like, you   
   look like Conan O'Brien!').  You have to chop up like ten frogs and   
   drink it to get hallucinations; he just kicked it with his shoe.   
   	   
   	- 'Zodiac' is based on the Zodiac Killer, famous for taunting   
   the police.  Gyllenhaal is a cartoonist who puts pieces together.  It   
   couldn't have been made if they had cell phones in the 70s, as police   
   and reporters couldn't piece together all their information.  Years   
   later this cartoonist puts things together.  Robert Downey's character   
   obsesses on the case and ruins his life with drink, drugs, and   
   toad-licking.   
      
      
   Lance Armstrong:   
   	- He rides with Jake and Matthew McConnaughy, and they're called   
   the Spandex Squad.  'Well, Quad would be four.'  He said squad ... but   
   if someone wants to make it four ... Conan *does* ride, but they ride in   
   Australia.  Conan doesn't want to go too fast, and to ride indoors, and   
   to eat a sandwich.  Can Armstrong just go for a bike ride, or will   
   someone do a gunfighter type challenge.  He's only 'one of' the best?   
   Maybe 'the best' guy from Texas.   
   	   
   	- Can he just ride?  He usually just rides at home, but in   
   public, yeah, people want to see what Lance Armstrong has got.  But he's   
   not really that fast anymore.  ('I find that shockingly hard to   
   believe.')  He got dropped once by a Central Park messenger.  ('You   
   could've been on your 15th hour, and he'd just hopped on after drinking   
   ten lattes.')   
   	   
   	- He didn't mean to stare at other cyclists while competing.  He   
   was looking back down the road to see the situation.  It was taken to be   
   him staring this guy down.  It was cool, for him anyway.  Angered Laup   
   Duez (?), whome he defeated four times ... five ... six ... 45 times.   
   Must appear in Jan's nightmares every night.   
   	   
   	- He had a famous move of pretending to be more fatigued than he   
   was.  Same day as the look, Laup Duez got psyched out.  The stages are   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)