From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   String Dance!   
   Max is:   
   	- Very weird.  Like a gangster.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Friday!  Woo!  It's just a day of the week.  One of seven.   
   Heat wave, temperatures over 100 degrees.  Michael Jackson got in the   
   pool during adult swim.  Fire officials have warned about large, dry   
   areas of overgrown brush -- Donald Trump's hair could go any moment.   
   England has had its highest temperatures in the country's history;   
   fortunately, they can stay cool with a refreshing meat pie.  Oi feel   
   better now, I do I do!  Bush met with the prime minister of India; there   
   was an awkward moment when he asked the prime minister to see why his   
   computer's acting up.  A 62-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.   
   The mother and child are fine but the doctor is still grossed out.   
   Producers of The View have removed every reference and picture of The   
   View from their offices, and they went to her old dressing room and took   
   out the Velveeta Fountain.  He didn't have to act that one out.   
      
      
   Energy-Saving at Late Night:   
   	- Al Gore was brought to the studio in a gas-electric limo   
   driven by a hybrid chauffeur.   
   	   
   	- All day we turned the air conditioners off in the offices; it   
   wasn't comfortable but all coped.  Conan went nude.  Don't pretend you   
   enjoyed that.   
   	   
   	- The studio's powered tonight by Abe Vigoda blowing into a   
   pinwheel.  And the curtain closes on Vigoda.   
      
      
   NBC's doing a made-for-TV movie about The View.  Cast List:   
   	- Barbara Walters: Owen Wilson.   
   	   
   	- Starr Jones's husband Al Reynolds: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar   
   	   
   	- Merideth Viera: Keith Irwin   
   	   
   	- Matt Lauer: Zinadine Zidane (I keel you with y bald head)   
   	   
   	- Ann Curry: Pee-wee Herman   
   	   
   	- Joy Behar: (we didn't do it yet, why not assume it'll be   
   flattering?  Friday crowds are so judgemental) Alf   
   	   
   	- Rosie O'Donnel (it's all going to be fine): Ms Pac-Man   
   	   
   	- Whoopi Goldberg: Turl from Battlefield Earth   
   	   
   	- ABC Head Bob Eiger: A G I Joe doll   
   	   
   	- Larry King (yeah, that's the Before picture): A Mars Attacks   
   Alien   
   	   
   	- New Thin Starr Jones: The Grinch   
   	   
   	- Old Fat Starr Jones: Divine   
   	   
      
   Al Gore:   
   	- How to address him?  If Conan knew how much that offended him   
   -- whatever's fine.  Al Baby?  Conan's Mister Highness.  He said Your   
   Adequacy (ooh, history major joke).  Good job to your publicist for   
   cueing the heat wave.  He saw it with some producers, they left the   
   theater and it was hot and raining, freaking him.  You can't attribute   
   any *particular* weather to one cause, but the odds of it being hotter   
   have increased dramatically just as predicted.   
   	   
   	- How do people respond to seeing the former Vice-President   
   going through airport searches like everyone else?  He puts his pants on   
   one leg at a time like everyone else after the strip searches.  A woman   
   in a restaurant advised him if he dyed his hair black he'd look just   
   like Al Gore; he thanked him.  She said it was a great impersonation.   
   He could do parties.   
   	   
   	- 'An Inconvenient Truth' is based on his lecture, done in many   
   venues, to leaders of countries (elsewhere), at a houseboat party (this   
   party's taking off!  Al's getting out the slides!).  What part of global   
   warming doesn't scream box office gold?  Some people don't want to see a   
   riveting movie on the most important challenge facing our civilization,   
   so that's why Gore wrote the book: Bush is a reader.  He's sent the   
   White House a copy.  This shouldn't be a political issue; it should be a   
   moral and ethical one due to the effects it has.  When our kids say 'Why   
   didn't they pay attention to this?' -- we owe it to them to pay   
   attention, to listen to the scientists, and do what's necessary to   
   prevent catastrophe from taking place.  We have everything but political   
   will, and that's a renewable resources.  We've confronted huge,   
   depressing problems like the hole in the ozone layer before; we can do   
   it again.  Listen to the scientists, not the biggest polluters.   
   	   
   	- He's on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and could be   
   nominated for an Oscar.  (What category?)  Best .. movie forecast for   
   the future?  There's talks about ways to cure global warming, like   
   reflective disks in the ocean.  It's nuts ideas, the Doctor Frankenstein   
   approach.  Conan's father invented the disks.  The problem is to stop   
   putting so much pollution in the atmosphere.  Even if reflecting   
   sunlight works, we don't know enough to not make a catastrophic mistake,   
   and *just* the carbon dioxide emissions are changing the acidity of the   
   oceans.  We're putting 70 million tons of carbon dioxide in the   
   atmosphere every day, borrowing tons of money from China to buy oil from   
   Saudi Arabia to poison the atmosphere, which is nuts.   
   	   
   	- Is he interested in running for President again?  Would he   
   want to be when it's such a drag on one's time?  He doesn't intend to be   
   a candidate again, not because he doesn't think he can't accomplish a   
   lot, but because his talents may be best experienced changing the minds   
   of people regardless of party and country about the environmental   
   crisis.  Nobody will have a legacy if we don't solve the problem.  Can   
   we rise to the challenge?  We have the capacity for bad and good.  But   
   by dealing with this we will gain the moral authority to solve many more   
   crises.  We owe it to our children and ourselves to get our act   
   together.  Just as The Greatest Generation had to win the peace after   
   winning World War II, we must take charge of our destiny.   
      
      
   Paul Giamatti:   
   	- Al Gore's like eight feet tall!  How's Paul going to fix the   
   environment?  We have to do something; he's chafing.  He's doing a voice   
   for 'The Amazing Screw-On Head', playing a robot with a screw-on head   
   during the Civil War.  He's Abe Lincoln's go-to, not-great, robot.  So   
   they sent him to a comic book convention.  It seemed a bit harrowing.   
   He had to wear a Screw-On Head Mask.  He doesn't know why.  He's an   
   Oscar-winning actor, they wanted him to go to a convention and wear a   
   screw-on head.  So he said yes.  Conan feels bad for people who have to   
   wear masks.   
   	   
   	- Giamatti got in trouble last time.  He talked about a script   
   last time he didn't want to do because his (blind) character got stabbed   
   in the tuckus.  They insist he apologize to the guy who wrote it for all   
   the jokes.  Has he gotten scripts to turn down more recently?  Another   
   tuckus-stabbing script, one where he has fanny sex with a guy.  (Who   
   says fanny sex?  What is this, 1898?  Constable, arrest this man, he has   
   had fanny sex!  Get me the screw-on robot head!)  He thinks fanny is a   
   good word that needs to come back in general usage, right here and now.   
   It's a kind of barbershop quartet fanny sex thing.  (Now we've broken   
   the show.  He hopes Gore has left.  How does saying 'fanny sex' help the   
   environment?)  He doesn't want to, on Ned Beatty's advice to not take it   
   in the [ krunk ] for a movie, horrifying Conan.  Can we go back to fanny   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)