From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Doing his trick, repeating what Conan said with a different   
   inflection.  'I *am* a bad guy.'   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Bush met with the prime minister of Israel, who intends to   
   defend Israel's borders.  Bush asked, 'You have troubles with Mexicans   
   too?'  The American Idol winner was announced; the show was so long Ryan   
   Seacrest strained a creepy grin muscle.  Laura Bush flew the Delta   
   Shuttle to New York City; unlike Air Force One, it's cheaper, wastes   
   less gas, and doesn't stick her next to a dumb guy.  A guy in Florida   
   invented a car he says is run on water; you can tell it was invented in   
   Florida as it has to stop every fifteen minutes to pee.  Elton John's   
   musical Lestat is closing after 38 performances for being 'not gay   
   enough'.  Scientists are close to a vaccine against chlamydia.  Paris   
   Hilton said, 'One down, 26 to go.'   
      
      
   Walkover Music: The Hooters, which draws embarrassing hoots.   
      
      
   American Idol:   
   	- It's down to Kathryn McPhee and Taylor Hicks.  They tape the   
   show before 12:35 so don't know the results.  The show hopes Taylor wins   
   as they have a Taylor Hicks look-alike, graphics researcher Aaron Blair.   
    They sent him into the streets to try cashing in on his resemblance to   
   Taylor Hicks.  People screamed as he got out of a limousine, and he sang   
   to older women.  Some told him to get away.  Some took pictures.  Some   
   fled up the escalator.  And he was never seen again!  They can charge   
   things on Taylor Hicks' account and go to jail.   
   	   
      
   If They Mated:   
   	- Cheryl Crowe, John Stamos: (Kind of a bad caricature of   
   Barbara Streisand.)   
   	   
   	- Jessica Simpson, Dane Cook: It's a weird, albino chimp.   
   	   
   	- Matthew Perry, Kristen Davis (he's unhappy about it):   
   Frankenstein finally came out of the closet.  (My riff: Frankenstein   
   Demi Moore.)   
   	   
   	- Heather Locklear, David Spade (that's a funny reaction from   
   the crowd, 'No!'): It's still David Spade.  (My riff too!)  A wide-awake   
   one.   
   	   
   	- Denise Richards, Richie Sambora: (AAH!)  It feels like   
   cheating somehow, but it likes corn.   
   	   
   	- Lindsay Lohan, Leonardo DiCaprio (More audience   
   disappointment): (David Blaine as Beyondo).  Conan doesn't know what   
   it is, but it's evil.   
      
   	- Britney Spears, Kevin Federline (that's really both of them):   
   A crash test dummy.   
      
      
      
   Network Note:   
   	- He should move the show along faster, should get to the   
   guests, not waste so much time doing silly things.  He agrees.  The last   
   thing he wants to do is waste more time.  Brian McCann in a sombrero   
   comes in to sing how he can't waste time.  A pirate agrees he's so   
   freaking busy he can't waste any time.  Showgirls agree he can't waste   
   time.  He's got a lot to do and the clock is ticking.  The farmer and   
   cow agree, and the cow takes a lyric.  Conan dresses in Viking hat.  'I   
   can't waste any time.  I can't waste any time.  I'm a very important   
   talk show host.  I can't waste any time.'  Confetti falls to the   
   reprise.  Conan dances.   
      
      
   Hugh Jackman:   
   	- He's got theater and superhero fans.  There's theater fans   
   there.  It's quick to tell the fan types apart.  He played Peter Allen,   
   a fairly flamboyant gay Australian entertainer, which sometimes shocks   
   people who came for Wolverine.  Ahead of one kiss he heard 'Don't do it,   
   Wolverine!'  He had to keep kissing rather than break up laughing.   
   Whatever excuse works.   
   	   
   	- He has a six-year-old son.  He likes the toys and stuff.   
   Sleeps with a blow-up -- it's not a blow-up -- a toy, you can sock it,   
   and the toy says things like 'I'll slice you in half' or 'This kick will   
   take you down' in his own voice, so his kid will have plenty of therapy.   
    There *is* a blow-up Wolverine punching bag.  It'll be handy in   
   adolescence.   
   	   
   	- Film with Rachel Weiss.  It's a thousand-year love story.  Her   
   husband was directing it, and there's a sex scene.  He coaches things   
   like 'take his pants off!'  Either it's great committment to his job and   
   security in his relationship, or he's kinky.  (You look over and there's   
   no cameras, 'We don't need those.')   
   	   
   	- He discovered the close relationship to his wife and realized   
   sadly they can't have kids.  Conan's one of those guys who swings his   
   fists while watching the X-Men clips or movie, then his wife sees him.   
      
      
   Tim Russert:   
   	- Meet The Press is running for 57 years now.  'Faith of our   
   Fathers' is the sequel to his book about his dad.  His dad must be   
   getting famous.  Came to Washington, people were calling 'Big Russ!'  He   
   was famous, but nobody bought him a beer, or a 'cold one'.  They had a   
   keg in the garage.   
   	   
   	- Arnold Schwarzenneger is hard to have on the show, because you   
   look at him, and think Terminator.  Conan's glad it's not *just* him.   
   The first time Russert met Richard Nixon he kept *looking* at him,   
   thinking, my God, he looks like Nixon!  (Wow!  You're a bad reporter!)   
   	   
   	- What's the Tim Russert Bobblehead doll about?  Buffalo's his   
   hometown, they put 'Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo' for the minor league ball   
   team there.   
   	   
   	- 2008: first time in 50 years there's no incumbent president or   
   vice-president.  His prediction: Hillary Clinton, a surprise contender   
   to Hillary (maybe Al Gore), John McCain, Mitt Romney, Senator Allen.   
   There'll be 16 people running for President.  Why can't they all win and   
   share the job?   
      
   	+ First time since 1952, by my count.  Not that 56 years is all   
   that different from 50 years for these purposes.   
      
      
   Gnarls Barkley:   
   	- From 'Saint Elsewhere': Why is everyone in bathrobes?  It was   
   too soft for me to make out a title or refrain, but it did sound good.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)